Anton Falls...

A continuation of Heaven Lost an Angel Today...

Anton opened the door,

Going back to his own apartment

Feeling loss and sadness,

Wondering if he could save

Adora.

 

As he stepped through the door,

He felt the ground go out from under his legs,

And for a moment

He stood there

In mid-air

Like a certain cartoon coyote.

Then,

Suddenly,

He felt his breath leave him

As he fell into darkness.

 

From all around him

He heard the sounds of

Crying.

Her crying.

Adora.

 

“I’m going to save you!”

He tried to call out,

But nothing left him

Except more oxygen.

But that didn’t seem to matter

Because a voice came to him:

“Anton…”

She spoke.

She’d heard him.

 

When it felt as though

He would suffocate

Anton hit solid ground.

He lay there,

Eyes closed,

Just breathing.

When he got his breath back

He opened his eyes and

Gasped.

 

Reviews

[Nella]

This is really intense in it's quick delivery. I was captured from the beginning to the end... I particularly like the lines:

"When it felt as though
He would suffocate
Anton hit solid ground."

I understand and relate to this feeling...

Gorgeous piece!

[Elissa; the genuine art..]

Once again, very intense.
You've kept the reader wondering and I must say that I love it.
"When it felt as though
He would suffocate
Anton hit solid ground."
Beautifully written.
I wonder if he saves her...

-Elissa!

[Selina Barrett]

Oh my, this is intense. I love the way you construct your stanzas!

[Glasseskitten]

Interesting indeed. Beautifully written.

[Morning Star]

I found this poem to be truly beautiful and interesting
Your words captured beautiful feelings of sadness
And a beautiful mystery that surrounds your
Beautiful story poem
Brilliant write!!!!
Wishing you Peace……Yolie

[Domenic Luciani]

I like the break in sentances, it adds a certain cinematic feel to the whole story, it had nice suspense, good description, especially in that bit with the cartoon coyote. Really good job with this one.

[Blueblack]

Have you ever seen the painting, Woman Walking Down Stairs? Lots of crazy sandy movement squaring around in it--bet you've seen it even if you don't recognize the name.

Well, this reminded me of that painting. The whole downward motion of the person, the expectation at the end.

Though, he tripped. That would've really spiced up the painting... :}

[darem aq.]

nice ! its strength lies in its simplicity ! keep it up :D

[Mercedes]

I really like this. I like the way you describe how Anton is feeling. I can't wait to see how this poem series plays out.

[Millionth Muse]

An interesting story piece...I like a poem that tells a story. There was a good rhythm to what you wrote, and I never felt as though I was tripping over lines. I think that you could possibly use a little more description or imagery to make things a little stronger, but overall I think you did something quite unique. I do, however, want to know what the "gasp" was for...so there's hopefullly a continuation.