An Exchange

A once in a lifetime opportunity

The thing stood over ten feet tall, its long neck bent down so its bird-like head didn’t touch the ceiling. It was a cigarette-ash-gray with piercing white eyes that seemed to have no pupils, taking in everything and nothing at the same time. Instead of limbs, it had, what appeared to be, three sphincters on its body: two at the top of its torso and one at the bottom. From these continuously dilating and expanding muscles puffed pitch black tendrils of smoke. The smoke coming from the bottom sphincter seemed to be what was holding the creature up. The other two tendrils ended in two wispy prongs each, as though they were hands. In one of these smoke hands, it held a small, round blob with the same eyes it had, those unseeing, all-seeing white orbs. The infant cooed in the wispy hand.

                In my own hands I held Abigail, our five-day-old daughter. She was looking into the creature’s eyes with awe. Behind me Laura was sobbing, begging me not to do this. She didn’t understand. This was the opportunity of a lifetime.

                The being looked at its infant and spoke in a purring sound that grated and grasped my brain, making my nose bleed slightly. The infant blinked its eyes and seemed to say, “bibi-bi-bibi.”

                I looked at my own daughter and saw a small trickle of blood stream down from her nose onto her lips. Laura continued to wail. I took no notice of her.

                The creature lowered the infant being to my level and it blinked its eyes at me. I couldn’t help but smile. The little thing was so adorable. I looked back at the large creature in my doorway and saw it lower its other smoky hand.

                I gently cradled Abigail into the two fingers and gingerly picked up the small round gray being. As I did, it cooed softly. I looked up at the creature and saw it examine Abigail. Its eyes were still white orbs, but I thought I saw adoration in them. It looked down at me and gave me another of its grating purrs before turning around and floating out the front door.

                Laura pushed me aside and rushed out the door, screaming and crying after the creature, which had ascended into the air.

                I stared down at the small being in my arms and cradled it, singing it a lullaby as Laura cried into the night, “MY BABY!”

 

Reviews

[Tina Kline]

Very interesting, it just pulls the reader in. This could easily be something longer with the ending that it has.

[Elvina CZq]

Interesting story. Not very typical 'death appears on my door' type of story. I see a metaphorical tale of how a couple losing their baby to the paranormal being. Somehow, what could see from this story is that, the being made an exchange for the soul of the the couple's baby. As if it says, "You hand me her soul, and I'll leave you her body."

Very very interesting, sad, but good story.

[Narnie]

Damn, he'd be sleeping on the couch that night. The premise seems to be a good opener to more and your storytelling ability is affirmed with the strong descriptions. Nice work.

[♪GetUse2MyMelodie..]

first i thought the creature was a some kind of evil...but now it just reminds me of an angel...something pure and good
I like how much love the mother has in her baby that she wouldnt give it away to the greatest good...a deep connection
good job

[Kaitlin Shea]

Loved this. Especially the twisted last sentence.

I almost stopped when I first started (no offense) thinking that it wasn't quite my style but by the sentence "Behind me Laura was sobbing," I was captivated.

[Millionth Muse]

A little short, but you really managed to captivate me with this one! Great descriptions--"cigarette-ash gray" was truly brilliant! Nicely written.

[Dante Yurei]

Short but very good! I really enjoyed this. The ending was very nice too. I like the way you described the creature first and then described what was happening; I could visualize everything that was happening clearly. Ohh the descriptions were very good too! The creature here kinda reminded me Barker's style of writing (one of my favorites horror writers). Very good job!

[Elissa; the genuine art..]

This is amazing.
At first the creature reminded me of the angel of the odd [one of Poe's stories],
but this has a character all of it's own.
Great work!!
-Elissa :)