A beautiful piece. I always like poems about oneself because before anyone else, we should know ourselves.
I only have few suggestions here. You have the rhyming aabb from the first up to the fourth stanza. But I found out that you broke it in the last one with abac format.
I think it would be better if:
"I put my thoughts on paper,
I am my world's designer,
With this, they will always reminisce
That someone like me exists."
I liked this because it tells of different things about how you are while you're alone. I think the true person and true character of everyone is expressed when no one is there to see.
i really loved this part
I speak in front of the mirror,
Imagining a shining armor,
With a sword in my hand,
Conquering an enchanted land
i felt like a soldier from 1300 , this poem is AMAZING
Posted 12 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
12 Years Ago
thanks for the like ;D
*feeling like its Facebook*
Excellent! You have captured a wonderful vignette of youthful exuberance and the joy of living in the moment; of being who you are and reveling in it. I ask only that you add an 's' to the very last word of the very last line; if it pleases you to do so. I think it would read a little better. Thank you, Rhianne! :o)
Baguio City, the city of cold temperature, Philippines
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