Prisoner

part two of Paper Planes

Imprisoned because of murder,
I only have a month to live,
I'm not expecting anything but death,
Until I saw her.

Because we can't communicate,
She sent me a paper plane.
The feeling of rough paper in my hands was lingering.
Her letters has given me hope for tomorrow.

I fell in love with her,
With her encouraging words,
She's the only one who appreciated me.

Until I die, I wont forget
The shine of your eyes and the shimmer of your hair,
The unspoken words that reached me,
And that smile that gave me my future.

Author's Note

please point out anything that i should revise...
to understand this better you may consider reading the first part of it...
this is Vocaloid inspired...

Reviews

[Writer #00]

Great job rendering this song in poem format! I've heard both songs associated with this, and I have to say that you managed to convey a similar bitter-sweetness in this short but heart-tugging poem. I loved the switch from third to second person, it really accented the prisoner's (I refer to the narrator) passion for his love. You are truly a talented poet!

Also: "Her letters has given me hope for tomorrow." Should it be 'have' instead of 'has'?

すばらしい！！/100

[Rhianne Ney]

Yeah, thanks I'll take a note to that

[Lil Guppy]

Wonderful writing. I liked how you expressed
the prisoners' feelings!

[Rhianne Ney]

Thanks for the review(:

[RachelReaper]

aw, this was a really sweet, sad story within this poem, one that wouldn't be expected on account of the fact that you give the murderer feelings. You give him a heart and reason to live.

[Rhianne Ney]

(: Thanks for the review (:

[Tomi]

beautiful, sweet, gorgeous!! love it!!

[Rhianne Ney]

Whoa, hey there thanks for reading and reviewing (:

[The dark story]

it's truly sweet and filled with pure and touching emotions......nice piece!!

[Rhianne Ney]

Thanks for the review!

[Ruby]

It's awesome!!!! 100/100

[Rhianne Ney]

Thanks a lot! ;D

[Ruby]

Your welcome

[Nigaiyuki]

I really love this :3
It's like I can feel what the certain character is feeling...
I don't feel like that in real life, It's just that I can feel what he's feeling when I read your poem.
Love it...! ++SHELF FOR SURE+++

[Rhianne Ney]

Thanks! lol

[Nigaiyuki]

You're welcome

[Rhianne Ney]

:3

[Michael Soul]

Wonderfully written her hair glimmering shimmering the sun light, her eyes alive with love,s heart, her beauty shines her smile melts you, she be an angle placed there for thee the wonder of love the magic of hope.

[Rhianne Ney]

Wow... deep description, thanks for reading!

[Michael Soul]

I like to write comes to my mind when reading, i think its the best way for me to complement the work I read

[Rhianne Ney]

That's great ;D

[KKBatoretto]

Just as good as Paper planes, really talented writing! Keep up the awesome work :D

[Rhianne Ney]

thanks! love you two! (:

[KKBatoretto]

Love you too :)

[Goku]

Well written and I can relate. Well, to the context of the poem anyway. Not sure what it means to you :).

[Rhianne Ney]

well, I don't have the same feelings with the theme... but I was just inspired by the message of the music video... because this is inspired base