Paper Planes

Divided by a thorn fence,
I still made a bridge,
For the two of us to meet,
I sent you a paper plane.

A paper plane with my heart on it,
Words which convey my love,
Words which convey my feelings,
Words which connects us.

You're my pillar,
Even though I have a deadly illness, you gave me health.
Even though I'm weak, you gave me strength.
Even though I feel hopeless, you gave me a hand.

Tomorrow, I'll still send you a paper plane
A paper plane which became our bridge,
A paper plane that connects my heart to you,
A paper plane which you can keep forever...

Author's Note

a poem dedicated to "Paper planes" by rin and len

Reviews

[T*Fuyumi]

Vocaloid! Sorry I'm not very good in literature and it's terms but I know I enjoyed reading this, how you clearly brought out the feelings that paper planes were able to carry between them two. How it can convey things, connecting them to form a "bridge"

[Rhianne Ney]

Thank you very much for your aspired review~ ;D

[Chris]

So are you after constructive reviews or a viewers opinions - or both?

[Rhianne Ney]

any kind of reviews...

[Chris]

Your mind is not yet in its adult patterns ... The tone of your work is smooth, The draw of it is its innocence.

Opinion - In stanza three the word "Despite" has many connotations - and for me none of them feel right when taking into account the heart you express. You might consider some thought on this stanza.

Nice meeting you Miss Ney. Oh, and Rhianne, It read very well.

Welcome to WC.
Chris

[Rhianne Ney]

Thank you I'll take a note on it...

[Rhianne Ney]

Is even though acceptable?

[Chris]

its not a question of "acceptable" to me or anyone else... it IS your poem, and a kind of neat one. Use a word or words that fit YOUR mind's thoughts - just try to understand the different "shades" of meaning that a word or group of them have.

[Rhianne Ney]

okay... thanks

[Chris]

Reviewing is a form of speaking... not hollaring or putting a person down. You have a good mind... and your thoughts are your own. I look forward to listening to more of you.

[Pencrafter]

Your poem is interesting and unusual. I love the concept of creating a bridge with a paper plane. I made a few paper planes in my murky past. Nice poem.

[Rhianne Ney]

I'm glad that you're able to connect the poem to your past.. I just watched the video of this ... I'm a Vocaloid fan... and this video got my attention... thanks for the review (;