That Glare

My friend glared at me,
I don't know if it's unintentional or not,
But ouch, it hurts me.

More than a burned hand,
More than a wound created by the time I stumbled,
More than a book that hits my head.

Why?
Because I think she hates me,
And I've done something so wrong.

I'm not the person,
Who wants to be glared at,
Because I'm too self-conscious.

I hate glares,
Because it hurts,
I don't want anyone to hate me.

Author's Note

I revise it and hope it became more understandable

Reviews

[Chris]

poetry is meant to be "heard"... I read a work aloud 3 times. Each time tells me more of the work, its heart, content, rhythm, flow. If it 'stumbles' you hear it AND feel it. If there are bottlenecks the words won't work. Wrong words, missing words - other flaws, each becomes fairly apparent. We can take account of the age and maturity of the author - but that isn't always fair either. And negative reviews can sting.

Opinion - This one didn't taste - real to me. It didn't have hurt or heart or enough of YOU in the lines to make it ...memorable. Bite me, slap me, get MAD as hell... but the only real way for me to know you at all is if you're real and a part of you is IN between every line miss.

Take care,
Chris

[Rhianne Ney]

I'm sorry if I didn't express myself fully in here... The idea just entered my mind when one of my friends glared at me without apparent reason.. I'll take a note on what you say and I'll try to find a way to make this expressive

[Chris]

"Someone" is not the same as saying ...a friend, GLARED at ...me and I don't know why...

read more"Someone" is not the same as saying ...a friend, GLARED at ...me and I don't know why...

The idea is to feel YOU - the emotions within you, in your words. Short works need to draw a listener in and if the listeners care about the writer - it helps. Don't apologize for being you - ask what can make something stronger. Remember everyone has opinions and not all will like everything but if honestly given YOU can make better choices for YOUR work.

[Rhianne Ney]

Okay.. I'll try to edit it.. Thank you

[Chris]

Read it aloud Rhi... try to FEEL what it is you want to express and THEN express it.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

People will hate you in life for all sorts of reasons. The trick is to understand it says more about their flaws and insecurities than yours!

[Rhianne Ney]

you're right! thanks a lot

[zainul]

I like it.
May be a common feeling of many people has been reflected in it.

[Rhianne Ney]

just fear of being hated... I guess all people fear that

[zainul]

I agree

[Rhianne Ney]

Chris' helped me out a lot in this poem... this is a revised one..

[zainul]

Chris is very talented poet.
I adore him.
Thank you too for revising at his advice.

[Rhianne Ney]

He really is great...

[zainul]

Really

[Rhianne Ney]

(: I also adore him.. he was the one who advised me to put more feelings on my poem... and what he said is helpful... (:

[zainul]

I read his comments

[Rhianne Ney]

He's really a good one, I hope he will be posted in the Writers you might like, Writers to watch and top Reviewers so everyone will see him

[zainul]

He visits mine site.
I always follow him.

[Rhianne Ney]

(;

[Katherine Enma Pineappl..]

Frankly I just reviewed cause you said please

...... I like please :D joking of course

Use of repetition is creative and makes the reader hooked. I like the exaggeration, hyberbole, mainly cause I have been engrossed at how one looks at you and glares are one of the piercing ones.