Sad and Tired

Hope stands face to face with her friend, Ana. Completely exposed, Ana begins to look Hope up and down; from her hair right down to her protruding hip bones. A victorious smile fills Ana’s face as she feels them. One hand moves to Hope’s ribcage while the other grasps her collar bone; fingers feeling the satisfaction of such difference between bone and skin. Ana directs Hope to do the same. They both laugh and smile with satisfaction. Ana directs Hope to turn side on as she feels her stomach, her grotesquely fat stomach. Ana then grabs Hope’s thighs, her thunderous thighs. Ana shakes her head disapprovingly, ‘failure,” she whispers. Hope places her fragile hands over her friends and a silent tear rolls down her face, hating the fact she upset Ana.

Hope looks up to meet Ana’s eyes. “I’m sorry,” Hope whispers to her friend, as she sinks  to the floor, “I’m so sorry Ana. Please don’t leave me.”
Ana laughs, “Oh darling, Hope, I won’t ever leave you, I am your friend. I am all you have. I won’t let you go till you’re perfect.”

Knowing she’ll never quite be perfect, Hope took comfort in this, “thank you.”

 

Hope gets dressed; she pulls on a pair of leggings and a oversized sweater to hide her stomach. One last glance then she goes out to the kitchen. Like everything else in her life, it is dark and lonely. With a kettle, toaster and a turquoise bowl of fermenting bananas. She opens her bare fridge. “What do I have today Ana?” it felt so good to know that there was someone there for her, always looking out for her. Ana tells her to head over to the kettle instead and have a black coffee. “Good choice.” Hope agrees. She anxiously waits for the kettle to boil. To fill in time, she heads to the bathroom as she forgot to weigh in. She strips off again, and steps onto the podium. She looks down. She lost half a kilogram. “Not the best effort, but enough,” Ana tells her. Hope steps of the podium and gets dressed again, feeling slightly deflated.

 

With the warm coffee in her hands, Hope makes her way outside to drink up the natural warmth, her frail body is unable to maintain. She absently sips her coffee as she watches the passer-by’s. She sits down and begins to drift off.

 

Moments later, she is in a room, a room filled with chips, and chocolate, so much glorious food. The sent making Hope salivate. In one swift motion the room is empty and she meets her other friend; Ana’s twin Mia. ”Silly girl, you know not to eat that.”  Mia’s dominant voice echoing through her dream

“But I wanted to, it was so wonderful, Mia.”  Hope tells her friend, “ I am sorry Mia.”

“Well you know what to do now don’t you?, “Mia pauses, “Get rid of it!” The sound now shocking her out of sleep.

 

She didn’t want to listen, but she had no choice. Hope runs to the bathroom and kneels. Two thin, delicate fingers slide through her thin lips and thrust them down her throat. Each thrust was an apology to Mia.  Within minutes, what little was in her is brought up. She does it again and again, until both Ana and Mia are satisfied that she had paid for what she had done. Ana and Mia were her everything. She had to prove herself.

 

 

 

 

Once finished, Hope gets up, everything, is a little strange. There was a horrendous ringing in her eyes. The world around her had turned black and white. She couldn’t see straight. But she made it to the sink to wash her mouth out. Tears streaming down her eyes and the cold water came into contact with her burning throat, her burning of weakness. She looked up at her face. She finally saw it for what it was.  Her once glowing skin was now grey, and drained of everything. It clung for life on her fragile bones. Her eyes, which once sparkled with love and light, were now nestled into two dark circles. Her lips were now dry and cracked and blue; her whole mouth of straining to keep the few teeth she had left in. Everything about her was sad and tired. She was sad and tired.

 

She ran her hands through her hair; strands getting caught in her fingers. Hope looks at her hands, her nail beds were now blue and cracked. The hair fell to the floor, the more she touched her hair, the more of it fell. Tears and howls escaped her.

 

She looked into the mirror once more; she yelled and screamed, “Why did you do this to me? You were my friends? I loved you! I worshiped you!” She hit Ana in the face, and then Mia she hit them repeatedly; glass shattering and cutting her frail hands. She fell to the floor. The cold tiles giving her some comfort. She cried and cried until she saw a decent shard of mirror glass. She sat up and inspected the glass. She pulled the sleeve of her grey sweater up to expose her tiny wrist. And with one swift motion she ran the glass along her wrist, slicing a vein. She did it to the other hand. The red salvation flowed from her wrists. It was the first time she had felt warm in a long time.

 

As what little life was left in her began to leave, Hope realised how free she felt and that she hadn’t felt that free all her life. While it wasn’t the most glamorous way to go, at least it was her choice. “This soul is mine, not yours Ana. This soul is mine, not yours Mia.” And with that the last breath left Hope’s body.

 

From above, she looked down at herself. She cried, looking at this poor girl, wondering how she ever became that. She hoped that someone would find her, but honestly that didn’t matter. Finally Hope was free.

 

Author's Note

Basically, I just want to know what people think, any tips and constructive criticism would be great :)

Reviews

[Colette]

This is a wonderful idea for a story. I think personifying Ana and Mia could work really well.

I do think that the change to seeing what's really there is a little abrupt though. I think that perhaps it needs to be a slightly longer piece, with more detail about what happens every day.

But it's excellent, well done :-) I look forward to reading another draft.