What It Feels To Be Alone

My struggle with depression has lasted for almost a year, perhaps more. This is me trying to explain what it's like.

The world is an unforgiving black 

With tendrils that stick like oil 

And drowns and stains like ink 

To others it's a pale blue or a 

Vibrant green 

They don't understand what it feels 

To be alone 

I'm crawling through tar 

I'm wallowing in cement 

People walk past on the grass and ask 

"Why don't you just walk over here?" 

Even if I could, I don't think I would want to

This is my punishment for all 

The bad things I've done or 

Thought and so I deserve to feel 

Alone 

Some days my bed is a trap 

It is not a comfort unlike others 

It is a thick net that won't let me leave 

When my brain is its own trapper 

There are some days where I am fine 

I am okay 

I can do what I want 

But these are few and far between 

There are some days where all I can 

Think of is the pain and how much I 

Deserve it because I am too 

Weak 

I am too 

Useless 

I am not the only one to feel like this but 

They have different problems 

I can never truly be accepted 

I am the only one feeling this way 

Selfish 

Weak

Useless

Selfish

Weak

Useless 

I deserve it

This is what it feels to be alone 

Author's Note

Bit dark. I was diagnosed about 2 and a half months ago for the condition I have suffered with for a year, perhaps more. If I spilled every thought that helped me explain how it feels, this would be a very long poem. As it stands, I have work today so I can't go into too much detail. I'll be honest, this is a big step for me, considering I have friends and now family on here who will probably read this. Reviews are welcome. Anything that is offensive will immediately be flagged and removed. Constructive criticism is also welcome!

Reviews

[Georgina Cross]

Hey Rhia,
This is such a beautiful poem, your use of colour to describe emotion is a true skill. The difference between being happy and feeling empty, especially the cement and the grass gives true expression to your writing.
Also the layout and style of the poem only adds to emotion you've filled this poem with, the enjambment and one word lines puts emphasis on the feeling of being lost.
It is truly beautiful and hits the spot.
Amazing write :D

[Rhia Barton]

Thank you very much :D

[Richard🖌]

Rhia Dear,
From the essence of emotional turmoil jumping up and down throughout your honest and open words, it is easy to comprehend the state of mind you're expressing and explaining.
Well-rendered, clearly, and concisely, you've vividly shared something so deeply personal, it has to feel glorious to get it out into the open, to release its grip into the sanctity of poetry, and how very-very correct you are that it is therapeutic. I know there have been many times throughout my own life when I'd have gone nuts without the blessed outlet of creative writing and expression, but even without it, there is always imagination that exists without paper, pen, keyboard or computers, and nothing can rob us of that wonderfully amazing attribute and benefit to and of mind and soul, eh?
You've done an exemplary job of bringing your malady out into the light, in a realistic manner most any feeling human can grasp the impetus of, and you've grandly presented in skilled, masterful Free Verse form, at that!
I love the originality of your pieces, Rhia, how your poetic voice makes one's senses stand-up and take notice that they are, indeed, in the presence of of a very unique and talented writer.
Your metaphor literally sings unto the heart and mind, rippling all though with sensations of both admiration and envy, not to mention the enjoyment of genuine originality.
When color, hue, texture, emotion, thought, feeling, etc; are each combine into your work to create brilliance, I love it!
Rhia, take a look at V4L2; it is a bit confusing. "This is what it feels to be alone" … consider, "This is what it feels 'like' to be alone" or "This is 'how' it feels to be alone".
Nothing else I can sensibly offer, M'Dear, except to give yourself a hug often, each and every day, for being the marvelous, admired, talented, and respected person and poet you are … oh, and remember, you are loved by many … of this I am more than a little bit sure.
Listen to Georgie, too; she has a wondrously good mind, heart, and soul … just like You do! : )
hear your other caring, feeling poets friends, as-well, eh? We all listen and hear your every ping and pang … most have been there, done that, or still are.

Hugs 'n smiles to you, Dearheart! ⁓ Richard


(forgive me, please, if I wore your eyes out, but you inspired me, obviously) ✨

[Usman Muhammad]

Beautiful piece of poetry. The most important thing in your poetry was the feeling of Regret. I believe it is only Regret which makes us able to write our hearts out with bulk of emotions.

[Andrew Nelson Stewart]

Being isolated in this world of change, change of people and change of emotions always perpetuates itself. What we have forgotten is that thoughts and words are conventions, and that it is fatal to take conventions too seriously. A convention is a social convenience, as, for example, money ... but it is absurd to take money too seriously, to confuse it with real wealth ... In somewhat the same way, thoughts, ideas and words are "coins" for real things. I felt the pain and hope in days that are hollow in of eyes of kissing the sky of memories. A philosopher said once Named Alan Watts
"Your body does not eliminate poisons by knowing their names. To try to control fear or depression or boredom by calling them names is to resort to superstition of trust in curses and invocations. It is so easy to see why this does not work. Obviously, we try to know, name, and define fear in order to make it “objective,” that is, separate from “I.”

To say without equal measure that you are the universe and if you look closely inside your waves, You'll find everything you need. Keep being awesome and I recommend you watch (Alan Watts The Real You) its on youtube. Short video but I promise you won't regret it. Sincerely your friend in poetry and life.

[Warrior]

The colors you use allows me to imagine what is being said, words like oil adds to the dark tone.

[Rhia Barton]

Thank you :)

[Ben Barton]

Rhia, you're right. This is a bloody huge step. Being able to articulate something as dark and complex and shifting as depression is absolutely phenomenal. You've heard all the normal responses by now, I'm sure. It'll get better (it will), just keep going, try to think about happy things. I'm also sure that you know that none of that really helps, not when the loudest voice within your head is feeding you the lies of that last stanza. I don't really know how to navigate depression. I'm not sure anyone really does. The only advice I can offer you is to keep exploring, keep writing, keep articulating what's going on in your head and in your heart, no matter how dark it might seem.

Also, this poem is seriously well-written.

[Rhia Barton]

Bruh. BRUH. Massive sigh of relief.