What It Feels To Be Alone

My struggle with depression has lasted for almost a year, perhaps more. This is me trying to explain what it's like.

The world is an unforgiving black 

With tendrils that stick like oil 

And drowns and stains like ink 

To others it's a pale blue or a 

Vibrant green 

They don't understand what it feels 

To be alone 

I'm crawling through tar 

I'm wallowing in cement 

People walk past on the grass and ask 

"Why don't you just walk over here?" 

Even if I could, I don't think I would want to

This is my punishment for all 

The bad things I've done or 

Thought and so I deserve to feel 

Alone 

Some days my bed is a trap 

It is not a comfort unlike others 

It is a thick net that won't let me leave 

When my brain is its own trapper 

There are some days where I am fine 

I am okay 

I can do what I want 

But these are few and far between 

There are some days where all I can 

Think of is the pain and how much I 

Deserve it because I am too 

Weak 

I am too 

Useless 

I am not the only one to feel like this but 

They have different problems 

I can never truly be accepted 

I am the only one feeling this way 

Selfish 

Weak

Useless

Selfish

Weak

Useless 

I deserve it

This is what it feels to be alone 

Author's Note

Bit dark. I was diagnosed about 2 and a half months ago for the condition I have suffered with for a year, perhaps more. If I spilled every thought that helped me explain how it feels, this would be a very long poem. As it stands, I have work today so I can't go into too much detail. I'll be honest, this is a big step for me, considering I have friends and now family on here who will probably read this. Reviews are welcome. Anything that is offensive will immediately be flagged and removed. Constructive criticism is also welcome!

Reviews

[Georgina Cross]

Hey Rhia,
This is such a beautiful poem, your use of colour to describe emotion is a true skill. The difference between being happy and feeling empty, especially the cement and the grass gives true expression to your writing.
Also the layout and style of the poem only adds to emotion you've filled this poem with, the enjambment and one word lines puts emphasis on the feeling of being lost.
It is truly beautiful and hits the spot.
Amazing write :D

[Rhia Barton]

Thank you very much :D

[YanZeros]

When the last thing to do is to breakaway becomes the hardest part. Depression is no joke sickness our life is led by our mentality but it takes lots of heart and courage to pull ourselves up in order to begin and feel hopeful again. You expressed your thoughts and emotions well, very well written Rhia Thurman. Sending you positive vibes! :) "Hurrah! Hurrah!" with fist clenched raising above. :)

[Dr. YumnaKay]

No one deserves something like that.. It's true we do go through such situations at one time in life, still we gotta be strong and fight.. I like the realistic approach here.. Better to let out the emotions than keeping 'em bottled up... Good write!

[Hebe]

It is dark, but it's how you feel and if it helps you then it's the best medicine.... keep writing it until you can't write anymore.....when it comes from the heart it is creative and captivating and your poem is both!

[The Nude Writer]

Yes! I too have suffered a life changing condition. And depression worked its way in there too. You described the feeling so well! I hope you can find comfort in your writing. And if you ever need to vent, send me a message.

[Rhia Barton]

Thank you for the offer and for your kind words!

[Joshua Lyndon O'shaughn..]

That is amazing i have also felt this and it spoke to me. Beautiful

[Rhia Barton]

Thank you for your kind review!

[LastMonth]

Whooo.
Tough.

Reading this felt like downing a shot of a strong liquor, it burns.
Not in a bad way obviously, and perhaps I'm being overdramatic here--- But I really felt that if you take this seriously (As you ought to) it delivers a powerful messege.

Your descriptions are flawless.
The first pharse is splendid, Tendrils- oil -ink.. all words that come to life when the reader is imaginative.

Being alone is probably the most difficult experience for any human of any age. Anger, Frustration, Disappointment--- Nothing can hold a candle to true loneliness.

Thank you for the poem.
Alsooo.. .If you could recommend stories of yours that resemble 'Santa Isn't real' I'd be very happy to read them!

[Rhia Barton]

Thank you very much for the review! It always means a lot when I get feedback on this poem in particular because this one is very personal and it gives me a huge sense of relief and validation when someone tells me I did an okay job, haha! As for the horror stories, if you take a look on my profile, you'll see a few names listed on my bio? I didn't include links because I didn't want to cause any traffic or hubbub but I held a horror contest a few months ago and those writers came fourth and up! I'd recommend giving them a read - obviously they're not too similar to 'Santa Isn't Real' but they all have interesting plot twists! Hope you enjoy them and thanks for the review again :)

[Wolf_Lord]

A very good first step. It really does help to express these feelings. It is well written and easy to follow. Keep it up. I have some similar ones written under Dark_Wolf. I use Wolf_Lord for my light frilly stories and poems and Dark_Wolf for my depressive ones. Once you find you have run out of negative, you will be able to write positive again. The trick is, to get them all out in the open. If you have ones that you just feel are too dark for public... write them anyways... and then burn them... Lol. You will be surprised by what a release that is. Wolf_Lord aka Dark_Wolf but my frns just call me Wolf and I hope you will be one. Wolf ,'', ^@@^ ,'',

[Rhia Barton]

Thank you very much for the review :)

[dramamine]

First of all, thank you once again for entering this poem into my contest, it was truly a pleasure to read. Now, I can relate a lot to this poem and I love the honesty and repetition of a few key words. I hope that you are not in such a dark place now but I understand how hard it can be. Feeling alone, lost and empty sucks but you worded it in such a beautiful and unique way that makes me feel less alone as a result. Also, I absolutely adore the imagery and vivid picture your poem paints. You are an amazing writer and I hope you never stop writing.
Sorry if my review sucks, I don´t usually give reviews but congrats once again on your beautiful poem.

[Rhia Barton]

Thank you very much for the kind words and for placing this in your contest! :)

[Peyton Light]

Very nice. Quite relatable as well. Really feels like you're reading the thoughts of someone who really feels this way (probably because it seems that you did). Great job :)

[Rhia Barton]

Thank you very much for the kind words :)

[Hannah Grace]

I will say to you that I admire your honesty. This piece brought me to reality, and I will be honest, I have wanted to ignore the fact that I feel the same exact way you do. Sadly, I wouldn't dare admit this to any of my friends, I would just try to cover up. I thank you for sharing this, it really has influenced me to confess that the feelings I am having, are actually real. Thanks again.
with love ,
Hannah Grace

[Rhia Barton]

Never believe that what you are feeling isn't real. I realise that I am, in fact, the biggest hypocrite in the world, but it's very important to remind yourself that you feel this way and that it's okay to feel this way. Thanks for the review!

[Hannah Grace]

thanks. :) and it was an honor:)