Mama

A child is confused about the sounds they hear at night.

Mama

What’s the sound

That comes a-knocking on my door

That wakes me up in the night

It beats 1-2-3-4

Gives me such an awful fright

Mama

What’s the sound

That comes a-scratching in my wall

That wakes me up in the night

I hold onto my doll

Gives me such an awful fright

Mama

What’s the sound

That comes a-sliding ‘cross my floor

That wakes me up in the night

Drags itself with its claws

Gives me such an awful fright

Mama

What’s the sound

That comes a-growling under me

That wakes me up in the night

Makes me hide in my sheets

Gives me such an awful fright

Mama
What’s the shadow

In the corner

Mama

What’s the

Mama

Why is there a man

Mama

Hello Mister Smiling Man

Author's Note

Whipped this up in about fifteen minutes, just something that occurred to me as I listened to the song 'Mama', by My Chemical Romance. Very different to the song, however, and I'm actually quite happy with this poem in both the structure and content. Let me know what you think :)
This poem was a winner of the 'Scare me' contest, ranking 3rd!

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

and that man is probably Papa...

and he is smiling through the teeth of a perverted abuser...

the speaker of the poem will most likely grow up way too soon and blame herself for what has occurred...

and later the only response from Mama will be "i told you there would be days like this"
the conspiracy of abuse....there is no punishment that is enough for this.

a moving piece...i liked the point of view from the child...

well done

[Rhia Barton]

Thank you for the review and I particularly enjoyed your interpretation :)

[p]

Not too bad.

I'm usually not a poetry man, but I must admit that I read this in song form and found it very nice.

I personally would have made it into a full length short story, but as it is, it's freaking well put together.

[LastMonth]

Something about children makes everything worse.
The fact that they can't really protect themselves enhances fear.
I am not a parent. Not yet, anyhow.

To me, I think the worst possible fear would be one of my children facing a danger while I was not there to protect them. To know that something is haunting them and me being unable to assist. While this is a feeling I have never experienced, nor do I ever wish to, I'd imagine it as the most dreadful experience possible for a parent.

The sheer fury and frustration would be unimaginable.

So when it comes to the Idea behind the Poem, It's a touching if somewhat disturbing theme. I always rush and try to see things brought to film or theatre, and this kind of poem seems as though it would be a terrifying song to include in a play. And I mean that in a good way. So many terrible things happen in this world, but I'd rather not get into that now. We're here to review your poem, not to ponder upon the horrors of this world. Beside, I'm a rather optimistic person.

The poem is written well. It flows in my mouth properly and doesn't seem to have any stalling points.
Personally I think the poem can be better without the line ''Give me such an awful fright' being used there. Mechanically it's a good use of the repetition and it fits, but somehow it just plays out better without it in my humble opinion.

Thank you very much for the Poem.

[Richard🖌]

Hi, Rhia,
It's just Richard, come along to read and review for you, and I like what I see … very much so.
Skillfully and creatively rendered, the Quatrains (framed by effective refrains) make this a truly original presentation in form that highlights the timbre of emotion perfectly.
Besides the obvious intent to scare us (which gave me gooseys), so many interpretations of what may be the impetus of this child's fear flurry through my own creative mind, that "Mister Smiling Man" could be the result of many things imaginative and illusionary to an innocent mind, even factual mishaps.
Ahhh, but I'm certain you wanted our own mind's to wander, and wonder, eh?

I feel sure, too, you're well on your way to notoriety in the poetic world, but I'd really like to see your skills include proper grammar, to complete the mastery of your work.
Splendid stuff, Dear Lady-Poet, and I loved it, in a rather macabre way! ⁓ Richard

[Rhia Barton]

Thank you so much for your review! I'm glad you enjoyed it and that it gave you goosebumps (that's the plan)! I appreciate your kind words and I'll look to improve on my grammar in poetry (I think the reason I slipped up in this poem was because it was writing from a young child's perspective so naturally they'd speak rather differently). Thank you again, I hope to see you back here again soon! :)

[Richard🖌]

Rhia,
It is I who gratefully thank You for sharing your amazingly creative efforts.
A note of clarification: I think many believe "proper grammar" means proper wording and voicing, and this is true when speaking aloud, but when written, it includes proper punctuation and capitalization, as-well.
It seems proper grammar in writing is not utilized by all writers … still, it is a vital and necessary part of writing, and the art of grammar should never be ignored or allowed to dwindle-away.
Without it, writing is akin to a song without musical notes and scores to guide the musician … there simply is no way for readers to truly and accurately understand an author's or authoress' intent of meaning, leaving one to try and figure it out; thus, breaking the flow, the moment, and the spell a poem would otherwise have over one's readers.
Aargh, it's the teacher in me pontificating … LOL!

Bless you, Rhia … I love your poetry! ⁓ RJ

[Blackheart]

Quite chilling. Loved the flow of words as the poem progressed. The ending was scary. But it was superb. :D

[Rhia Barton]

Thank you, scary was what I was going for :)

[Solar]

Very effective in its build-up to a chilling ending!

[Rhia Barton]

Thank you very much :)

[Moonlight]

Okay! The poem is amazingly crafted. The point of view of the child is beautifully depicted. However, the ending did terrify me! :P All in all ... an amazing piece of writing. :)

[Rhia Barton]

Thank you so much for the positive review!

[Arthur Martel]

That ending is terrifying ! Really, really suspenseful !

[Rhia Barton]

Thank you, that's what I'm aiming for!

[Sarah Rae]

Beautifully constructed! I felt as though I could very much feel what you were saying

[Rhia Barton]

Thank you for the review!

[Lizardo]

This one, I love this poem, and you add ''mama'' around it (it reminds of how I call my mother when I have a question or something) I can feel the emotion around it, I really do.
I love this poem, Keep up the good work!

[Rhia Barton]

Thank you so much for the positive review!