Short Story record of Eruska

I was just passing time so i like to try to build my world some more. SO i came up a bit of a short story or like a historical record. :)

The Time of Eruska

During the Forgotten Age and before the Old Kingdom of Ryohad reigned over the land of the Royn, there was Ancient Kingdom of Eruska as records has shown, it is an ancient kingdom founded by the “Founder” who goes by the name of Kuses I.

The historical records of this ancient kingdom were lost mostly except very few details and stories, the only thing that tells of Eruskan origins is said that the Founder Kuses I was guided by the Mother of Old/Gaya herself into this large province. It said that she promised him of the land where his people could roam free and oppression from their enemies and monsters. The mentioned enemies are suspected to be the ancestors of the Empire of Romaikad that currently occupies the vast east.  

Not entirely accurate due to its based on stories, the Eruska called their enemies as Ayegets. With the most historical records that stored in the Great library which was burned down, very few records were found about them and also some in other nations. Ayegets is a group of people that reigned over the land with their vast empire stretch. Stories of their relish for war and bloodshed could either be exaggeration or mad made tales since the way it describes, it showed like they were inhuman. However, it could not deny that the Ayagets created the first largest empire in the land, though Royn was not included.

By theory, it collapsed due to the frequent wars and defeats whether in terms of military and economic as well as politics.

In regards of Eruska, hundreds of thousands of Eruskans by the lead of Kesus I, escaped the dying empire of Ayegets to search of the promised land by the Mother of Old. It said that the Ayegets were wrathful when they discovered of their departure that they sent thousands of men to capture them. Whether it was true or not, it said that Gaya herself gave Kesus power to control the earth that he managed to destroyed the pursuing forces by the use of the earth power which created several mountains and natural defenses which later the land is known as The Scattered Mountains.

Trials and frustrations as well as painful situations happen during their journey for the Royn. Almost half of the hundred thousand died during their force march in the land and it could either by the frequent attacks of barbarian tribes, monsters and starvation. Despite of that, it said that Kesus I and the fellow surviving Eruskans found the land of the Royn. There, they established the first settlement of the land, Eruska. It is later called The Colossa. By Kesus I leadership, the people prospered and contested with the barbarian tribes that inhabits the land of the Royn.

After his death, it said that his son, Kesus II, took the leadership and united the entire province of the Royn under one banner. This started the Kingdom of Eruska and himself declaring as The First King of Eruska, The Uniter of Royn, and The Royal Defender of The Old Mother.

After this, several rulers followed with stories of their achievements, exaggerated stories and good/bad policies which resulted to several events such as “The Kinslaying King”, “The rebellion of the Twins”, “The beautiful maiden at lost” and etc. Not only this, several towns and villages were built and the population in the Royn boomed.

It is not accurate and theorized by the following historians at Saint Last that the Kingdom of Eruska must have been ruling for almost 600 years and it is accordance through their research and limited knowledge on their grasp.

The last king and the 116^th that ruled over Eruska was Tarkeen IV Dunsios The Strong. Not entirely accurate but said close to truth, Tarkeen died in a one on one duel with his close friend who rebelled against his rule due to his discontent of Tarkeen’s policies and deemed his leadership as incompetent and unreliable. His close friend’s name was “Brutos Urloidne” and was given the title as “The Betrayer”.

There were no specific details in regards of Tarkeen’s reign that led to the rebellion of several supporting noble families due to the important records being hidden in the Great Library and when the event of fire came, most of these important records which are very detailed in regards of Eruska and Ryohad lost. The only story in regards of his reign was of his way of being brutish and arrogant which gave him the title of The Strong and the noble families especially his closest ally, The Family of Urloidne, was not clearly happy of his way and his policies was said to be harming the country’s citizens. Another story said that it was his mother or his sister that persuaded Brutos in betraying Tarkeen.

Tarkeen IV died at Brutos’s hands. His family, a commoner wife and 2 boys suddenly vanished except the daughter and no one knows what happened to them but according to the records, that some people in Eruska found three naked bodies within the forest, burned to crisps. The 13-year-old daughter of Tarkeen IV name was Daera Dunsios and was the last survivor of the Eruskan Royal line. The betrayer took her as his wife and queen and gave birth to 4 children. The Dunsios name vanished from the royal line as her last name changed to Urloidne yet her blood as Dunsios still runs flow. It said that every night she mourned the loss of her family and when she was at her oldest time, she went to madness in grief that led to her death by one of her sons as mercy killing.

When Brotus took the throne, he announced that reign of Eruska has ended and thus started the new Kingdom of Ryohad.

Author's Note

If you want to be harsh no probs! thanks! :)

Reviews

[JayG]

You're still thinking in terms of plot, and assigning the entire storytelling load to a narrator who explains things to the reader, dispassionately. Remember, only you know the emotion to place in the narrator's voice. As a result, this is, basically, a report on the history of a place that never existed. But think of how many times you said, "I need to sit and relax with a book and chose a history book as your reading material. Think of how often a friend has said, "I read a really interesting history book last weekend." And remember, history books are about real places. And if you don't want to read a synopsis of events for a real place...

When you read a story it's not to learn what happened. You want to be made to taste the air in that dank cave, and wipe the sweat from your brow as you peer into the volcano's cauldron. You don't want to know that the protagonist is in love, and feeling lust. You want the author to place you into the mood for romance so strongly that after reading the scene you go looking for your significant other. But you don't make a reader FEEL with facts and descriptions. That only happens if you make the reader feel they're literally living the protagonist's life, moment-by-moment.

That means "story" isn't talking about groups of people, or talking in overview. There's no emotional content in hearing that a man named Cal iss disappointed that Jessie—the woman he's desperately in love with—wants him for a friend. That knowledge only informs. But suppose we've just heard her tell him she wants him for a friend, and we've learned that, inside, he's so emotionally distraught that he's holding back tears. We'll feel an empathetic response to Cal's plight—a bit of sadness in sympathy, as we remember times when we were denied something we desperately wanted.

What then, will be the reader's reaction to:
- - - -
She must have seen his stricken look and realized what had happened, because she rushed on, with, “Cal, no! I mean I want you for a friend first. That’s really important. You’re important to me, Cal. I’m just not…well, I’m not sure how.”

Reprieved, he waited, afraid to speak, as the room settled into existence around him once more. He was still deadly cold inside, still frozen until she uttered words that would release him. Still waiting, he gave an acknowledging nod and she went on.
- - - -
Did that make you want to know what she said next? If so, it's because you've been placed into the moment that Cal calls now, which makes his future uncertain, and therefore, interesting. But when an invisible narrator is explaining the flow of events in a voice that caries none of the emotion you intended it to have, there can be no uncertainty, and therefore, no reason for the reader to NEED to turn the page. And your reader isn't a conscript. They volunteer to read, page by page—if you make them WANT to (better yet, need to).

Forget the sweep of history. Forget the details the protagonist is ignoring. They're irrelevant to the protagonist in the moment they call now, so they're irrelevant to the reader.

Story happens. It's not talked about or explained. And it happens to one character, moment-by-moment, just like life happens to you. Your protagonist is the reader's avatar. S/he's the measuring stick that calibrates the reader's response to events. And as such, is critical. We all see the same thing, but we interpret it according to our own needs and desires. How your protagonist interprets what has their attention is the mother of their action. So to understand their action we need to know their viewpoint. To see how critical that can be to the feel of a story, take a look at this article:
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/2011/09/22/the-grumpy-writing-coach-8/

Plot matters, of course. But only when you look back on it. But in the moment you call "now," you don't know which decisions will be important. You're facing life and deciding what needs to be done NOW. The future can be influenced, but it NEVER goes the way you want it to, because your needs and desires will conflict with those of the people around you. And it's in that conflict and uncertainty that your story lies. And so it is in your protagonist's life. So make the reader know that as-the-protagonist-knows-it.

Is country "A" at war with country "B" in your story? Who cares? It's how the effect of that war impinges on our protagonist that matters. But even then, it only matters to the reader when it matters to the protagonist enough to influence his/her actions in the moment.

Don't give the reader a watercolor picture of the picnic grove and talk about mosquito bites being annoying enough to end the picnic. Focus on the slap of a single palm on a single arm, followed by, "Enough with the damn bites, we're leaving this hell-hole." That's story. A narrator talking about bites? That's history.

Take a look at the articles on writing in my blog. They're aimed at the hopeful writer, and will give you an idea of what you need to work on.

Hang in there, and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/

[Pale Moon]

thanks sir :)