Clinton's Humongus Feet

A fake news flash

D Pressing News Flash

August 27, 2008

By D P Fleming—D Pressing News Staff Writer

 

Bill Clinton has the second biggest foot of any U.S. president with the exception of Abraham Lincoln. Big shoe, big sock. But now Bigfoot must step aside as head of the Democratic Party. It’s just not enough to have a big foot in today’s high-speed information age where video travels at the speed of, well, video.

 

“I still love my big feet. I’m quite excited to be in Denver,” he said. Then he removed one of his shoes and held up cream-colored sock that could encase a large salami. The women in the audience went wild.

 

Rumors about the president’s “bedroom issues” as they have been come to be known, are circulating around the convention center like fleas on a wet cow teat. Still, Clinton used his Wednesday night speech to restore his image, especially with black voters, women, the working class, republicans, neo-conservatives; snakes, spiders, and seashore sand that were part his base of support.

 

The mood in Denver was bubbly and the speech Bill Clinton delivered to the Democratic National Convention did not address, as the former president preferred, the bedroom issues, but the theme of Wednesday night’s proceedings was the interior décor of Osama Bin-laden’s cave.

 

“There is a theory that Bin-laden’s cave is in the basement of the White House. When asked if there were any truth to the rumor, President Bush had anger issues and spat up at the table.

 

Despite Joe Biden’s striking appearance in a dress and heals, many of Hillary Clinton’s supporters are angry that Barack Obama passed over Hillary to choose Sen. Biden as his running mate.