Conscious

On the delicate frost of yesterday

 

My memory floats like a leaf

 

My want fights to notice

 

and take account

 

All fears lost to ecstasy

 

but lucid sensibility

 

begs for reason

 

and a penumbra of a

 

conscious thought

 

flies just beyond my reach. 

 

Reviews

[...]

Gorgeous!

[Revery]

Thank you, :)

[SashaBella]

So beautiful. "and a penumbra of a conscious thought flies just beyond my reach." Your choice of words to create this image is profound.
Thank you.

[Revery]

I was trying to correct one of my responses and I deleted a review, If it was yours I'm sorry it wasn't intentional and would love to have your words again if you wouldn't mind.

[The Random Writings Of ..]

This piece is interesting, and I actually like the lines all fears lost to ecstasy, but lucid sensibility begs for reason... This is like a thought in process, and a searching soul. Something just out of reach. To me it brings much to ponder, I like this very much and think it is written in an interesting way, the words fill you in a different way like I have not read before. Thank you so much for sharing.
xoxo

[Revery]

Thank you for reading and I love your description of how you experienced and thought of the poem. Thank you again.

[Junert]

I love the whole thing.

[Revery]

Thank you Junert, for reading and commenting.

[Heather]

I honestly must admit that you are one of my favorite poets on here, your writing, so clear, so beautiful. I just sigh with a delightful smile in my eyes when I read your writing.. thank you!

[Revery]

Thank you Heather, you have kind and generous with your words. What you say is so inspiring.

[Laura Maidah]

"Want" as a noun here is hella awkward to read.

How does ecstasy and fear happen in the same sentence in such a short poem?

THoughts always fly just beyond the spearer's reach.


I LOVE THE OTHER LINES I DIDN"T MENTION. Don't hate me. Just IMHO

[Revery]

Don't ever apologize for critique. I appreciate your thoughts and will give them serious consideration.

I'll clarify what I was thinking and any specific suggestions would be appreciated.

Want, as a state, like in a state of want. I don't excel at grammar so if that's technically wrong help me understand.

ecstasy and fear, the fear is eclipsed by the ecstasy. I will consider a rewrite as "All fears eclipsed by ecstasy",

"spearer's reach", hmm, I wouldn't say that. I think I'm firm on that one unless there is truly a technical issue with it.

What do you think?

[Laura Maidah]

I wasn't confused. I knew what you meant. It's just uncomfortable in the sequence in that context. The thoughts flying outta reach are just banal. That's all I meant.

[Revery]

P.S. thank you again for being honest, I gravitate to honesty.

[Revery]

Ok will try to see if I can get a better fit than the word want. Thank you again. What did you think of the rewrite on the second sentence you mentioned?

[Laura Maidah]

THat's better for me. I like the eclipse word. I just hate the fear rollin towards ecstasy. Fear's eclipse lost towards ecstasy.

Is "outta" properly English? just wondering.... lol

[Laura Maidah]

It's typing talk. Like lol and gonna and f**k

Ah yeah... I see..... and like OMG and LMAO, and TTYL yep. I as a Dutch just don't prefere "Gangstah" language (that's my oppinion) however it is quickly in use by everyone nowdays, even myself, and then I tick me on my fingers, for doing the modern s**t... lol

[Eloha]

Yes consciousness is like that, a peeling of perception, as if the object itself is only partially itself and most what we imagine it to be.

I found this philosophical.

[Revery]

Thank you Eloha, for reading, sharing and commenting

[realmwriter]

I quit agree. Very well done...!

[Revery]

Thanks man.

[realmwriter]

No Problem. You are most welcome...!