The Beautiful Miss

That moment

 

That one shining moment

 

I saw you

 

Not for the first time

 

but I saw you

 

Now

 

The air was alive

 

One of those mornings

 

where the sun

 

danced through

 

large sanctuary windows.

 

You!

 

You were glorious

 

The sun dress,

 

The dancer’s posture

 

The long stunning hair

 

You were stunning

 

perfection! 

 

It was the moment

 

That changed everything

 

Now

 

Race across the years

 

The daisies

 

The kiss in the rain

 

The vows

 

The babies

 

And

 

You and me. 

Reviews

[Buddhistboy73]

A beautifully written piece here....full of warm sentiment and love for another...something that warms my heart as I read this....I'm picturing a couple comfortably gazing into each others eyes, holding hands and laughing....:)

I like the way you've used Now and You in this poem too....these words seem to temporarily stop the reader and make them think a little...and then on with the flow....good technique I think...

Thanks for sharing...:)

BB

[Revery]

Wow BB, what an excellent review. Thank you so much.

[Jack...]

A love story in captured syllables that flows like the wind on a Sunday morning grand. This is definitely love at its perfect form. This had a nice feel and its very own heart beat. Very nice indeed.

[Revery]

Thank you sir. It's a true story and still playing out everyday.

[CS]

This is honest poetry, Rev. The most beautiful words are the ones that are sincere and real. That is what makes "I love you" so powerful. We only need three words to make someone understand just how we feel. This is a simple but meaningful poem. When we love, no matter how many years pass, they are always that person we first met. It is always like we are looking at them for the first time. Lovely work, my friend.

[Revery]

Thanks Courtney. This write was more from the heart than composed. Didn't even try to make it something other than what it was. Your comments are always so kind and filled with empathy towards the meaning. I appreciate that.

[Pól]

The daisies, perchance a reference to the flowers the beautiful one wears in her hair, as was the fashion in the 60's.
"blast" is wrong.

[Revery]

Thanks for reading and reviewing paulo. The first time I bought her flowers I choose daisies and it turns out they were her favorite. That has been a little part of our story that has stuck with us over the years.

Okay, "blast", does it need an "ed" for past tense? I'm up for a direct suggestion for an alternate there.

Thanks again

[Pól]

ed is fine- but blast (imho) doesn't match the gentle flow of this work- I'd go for a simple "shone" or maybe something more whimsical- "danced" Or what about "glimpsed"

[Revery]

I like danced. Thank you.

[Pól]

Np

[Summer]

Who is she I wonder. She is one lucky Miss!

[Revery]

The one, my life long lover, my wife. Thank you dear

[Patrick]

loved the transition from slow to fast, from lingering upon one moment to fast tracking many.

on a lightet note..it's frightening how the babies follow the vows so quick...glad you had that order there :)

[Revery]

Thank you P.J. The poem it's self came out with little to no labor pains. An easy birth from the heart to the page. Thank you for reading and commenting.

[TLK]

An excellent sense of time here. The pregnant fullness of the moment is captured, to begin with, using repetition ("moment" / "shining moment"), short sentences as exclamations amidst the ponderousness of longer description. It is a moment preserved in amber.

Then, of course, the "race across the years" is encountered breathlessly (no punctuation).

This is really written in order to engender the same experience in the reader. Extremely pleasing.

[Revery]

Thank you TLK, I love your review, how you touch upon facets of my style.

[TLK]

When reading this poem, there is nothing to comment on but style.

[Mia]

This is beautiful!
"That moment
That one shining moment
I saw you
Not for the first time
but I saw you
Now"
I love that. I also really liked the way you repeated the word now. Emphasizing the importance of that one moment when everything changed. We friendship love changed to being in love. This is superb!

[Revery]

Thank you mia! :)

[Bats In The Belfry]

Wonderful Imagery Produced Here! I swear I could have been there to see it myself. Also very endearing write.Enjoyed reading it especially the last several lines...perfection!

[Revery]

I'm glad you enjoyed it, I had fun writing it. Thank you