A poem for my Father (The Dreamer)

I wrote this a long time ago when I truly felt that my father had abandoned me. It had good reviews on another site so please let me know what you think of it here.

A poem for my Father, The Dreamer

RUN

RUN

That's all you ever do,

Even the murk is tired of hiding you.

Dream

Dream

your life is content

No thought to the company you could have spent.

Fly

Fly

Just so you fall

an embarrassment to us all

Love?

Love

As if you care!

My heart of stone you shattered there.

And despite it all, all your bitter traces

all your honey gull and shifting faces

I love you

I love you...

Dream

Dream on

My dear old Dad

Dream of the daughter you never got to have...

 

Author's Note

Just testing the waters to see who might be interested in my style. If you have any suggestions of readers or anything please let me know.

Reviews

[Rebecca]

I like the repetition of the two words, it makes it like a children's nursery rhyme, which is fitting because it is to your father. You portray the complexity of your relationship with him well, reminds me of my own relationship with my father. There is love but there is also a lot of resentment and anger. This really touched me, it's so similar to my father and I. Thank you for this.

[char]

I like the way you convey emotion. An abandoned child and irresponsible father will always love each other regardless. The only problem is admitting it. Beautiful stuff! :)

[Revera Love]

Thank you for the comment and the read Anna :)

[Trigorin]

Very nice and simple, and it's almost palpable how much emotion you've put into the piece. I do question the large lien breaks you've used, I think it might be simpler and more effective to just remove them and separate into different stanzas without any further visual notification thereof. Other than that quibble, though, very well done.

[Revera Love]

Thank you for that suggestion. I wanted to demonstrate a 360 or pause in the mind of the speaker and couldn't think of another way to do it. As usual, the simple method is the best. I left an extra space and it concluded the thoughts perfectly. Thank you so much for reading and commenting.