i think i 4got 2 rmbr something

i think i 4got 2 rmbr something

A Poem by kitten
"

i think i rmbr 2 4get

"
cool. now we're on the same page.
what the f**k. is up this is a nightmare
and the fairy lights STAY twinkling like. every night like. every
night like. did u just say an alien word? did i hear her right was that
what does that word mean like? wait i remember this it's
something to do twith girls i think right like
if it works 444 me like it [robably will work 444
u like. i like u like i like 2 like u like i. like
like i love myslef right but like. what if? what if what
if we could have 11 night 2gether like. alone like. would u
want 2 spin the f*****g bottle with me like
do we need someone 2 be rough anymore like That u kno like
That is getting kinda blahhhhh idk rmbr when we were 6
do u remember being 8 years old i n the shed? 
just. yes or no ONLY!!! DO U RMBr being so small that
anything could happen to u like.  it didn't matter if
ur mom's at the window lol like. don't even pay attention
2 her just like what if i pretend 2 be him and u
pretend 2 be me pretending 2 be her or him or
Who do YOU like? I LIKE THEM 2 :) that's rly cool
when did u meet Them that's
really cool why is this MY fault i thought we were
friends right so it's just between us right like
They don't need 222 know ANYTHING, do they? right? 
it might hurt them oh no ok ok ok ok i fucked up okwait
is this about us? or just about me?
again. lmao. lol keep it in there no i like it
like that no wait that's bad
of me 2 like the thing i've been
abused with when
she just takes control like
that.
69 reposts 420 Comments

© 2021 kitten


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Reviews

"cool. now we're on the same page"

No... No, we're not. Someone unknown is talking to someone unknown about things unknown? Who cares?

Suppose the person next to you on the bus said that to you? How would you react? Probably with something like, "What? Who the hell are you?" And for the same reason, that's what you'll get from a reader.

You know what you're talking about, but the reader doesn't. And when that happens they stop reading.

The lousy punctuation, the missing caps, and the text-speak abbreviations, make this look like something you tapped out in five minutes on your phone, then posted without editing.

In any case, it's not a poem, it's an essay broken into short lines. There's no poetic language, no allegorical references, no attempt to make use of prosidy...

Bottom line: They've been writing poetry for thousands of years. No way in hell can you take the nonfiction writing tricks we're given in school and write poetry that works. So do yourself a favor and read a book or two on HOW to write it, because at the moment you are flying blind, and it shows.

Posted 3 Years Ago


kitten

3 Years Ago

what's "prosidy"?
kitten

3 Years Ago

because at the moment u are flying a bird
Spamalot

3 Years Ago

Prove me wrong, kid. Sell something. Or, get lots of comments on your posted work from people who li.. read more

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Added on October 17, 2021
Last Updated on October 17, 2021