My Heart's Frosted Veins

Part three of No Doubt For a Lying Man , he begins to feel the pressure of ruling and snaps into insanity as his lies begin to decay

I have seen Paris for i have invaded France

all of Europe in a single glance

the aging veins in my wrinkling arms 

begin to grow to the back of my palm

no price can compare to my domination

i have taken the world through my creation

but now that i have wasted time

i see the light 

the light that has fled away 

the light i have denied

the light i did not want to stay

calling to the voices within my head

it seems they were faster than me for they are dead

i tried to call to God

but i received no answer

why should he 

for earth is his child and i am it's cancer

slowly killing 

slowly draining

just like the ones i murdered i feel my end coming

Author's Note

"Please keep an open mind "

Reviews

[Eric Pudalov]

I like this piece, Chosen - although I didn't start with Part 1, so it didn't make as much sense to me. Maybe I should go back and read part 1 and 2, so I get a better sense of the story and characters.

As you may have guessed, I've been drawn to your work via the review you gave me, and I thought the perspectives on life that you described were fascinating.

This seems like a very interesting story that I could get wrapped up in - when I read the first two lines, "I have seen Paris for I have invaded France/all of Europe in a single glance," I thought either of someone like Adolf Hitler, or of one of the Roman "Caesars" of ancient times.

I would like to offer a couple of technical critiques. In the third and fourth lines, I was going over the words "arm" and "palm" - I know you don't have to rhyme everything perfectly, but because you seem to have a bit of a rhyme scheme going, you may want to find some words that rhyme better. That's a tough one, because I wouldn't want to take away from the meaning of the poem itself.

And in the line, "for earth is his child and i am it's cancer," "it's" should be spelled "its," but that's a minor error. Overall, I like the feel and theme of the poem, and I think you are very talented as a storyteller.

I also read your mini-bio up there, and noticed that you said "I have views on life that may not be the right cup of tea for people other than me..." While I don't know in detail what you mean, I get the sense that you have a very dark view of the world. I can, in a sense, relate to that, and I feel that much of the growth and peace we ultimately get in life may arise out of the worst conflicts and suffering.

Perhaps that comes out in the writing of both of us! I look forward to reading more poetry and prose of yours, and exploring some of these deeply dark themes that you so like to express.

[PillsDontWork]

Thank you very much , and i guess i still need to work on my grammar , and yes i do have a dark view on life that holds my sanity at risk , After all its the dark that makes light shine