Do Not Go In There!

A short story of a prohibited room.

I’d told him yesterday, last night and even nine hours ago. Do not go in there! But he didn’t listen to me. He thought it was some kind of stupid old prank. Like most human did, they would do something that prohibited.   

It was rainy September when he came to my house. With almost soaking shirt, he walked in. He then smiled at me. I knew what hiding behind that smile. I could predict what was the matter he wanted to tell me.

“Dude. Seriously, can you just let me enter the room?” Just like I thought.

“Why is it so hard for you to listen to me? You cannot go in there. Not today, not tomorrow or any other day!” I had to show serious face to make him understand that he would not get what he wishes for.

“Oh come on! Just let me enter the goddamn room!” At that point, I knew something had in him that make he cannot take no for an answer.

Things get worse after that. No more words came out from his mouth. He pushed me and rushed to the room. He tried but couldn’t open the door.

I get up and ran to him. Tried to stop him by any means. But my size was no match to him. One swing of his fist to my right cheek, manage to bring me down. He smiled at me. I looked at him while I’m still lying on the floor.

He kick the doors open. Took one last glance at me. “Do not go in there my a*s!” He laughed while make his way into the room. I sighed.

“What happen after that?” Mark asked me with curiosity.

I didn’t answer his question. All I did were showing him a big smile on my face. I know he will not giving that same smile to me. All he wants is an answer that he will only get when he enter the room.

-The End-

Author's Note

Need an honest review to make me write better next time. Thank you.

Reviews

[Aarea]

Ok your writing style and story are good. However, when you said, "I know he will not giving that same smile to me." I didn't understand it. Also, to me the story went way too quickly with not quite enough detail. I want to know if the main character is a boy or a girl and what the boy looks and acts like who goes into the room. I want to know who Mark is. And I want to know if the main character is human or some other creature, because the line at the first "Like most human did, they would do something that prohibited." Made it sound like he/she wasn't a human. Other than that, great writing!

[Resmanshah]

Thank you very much for the honest review. This is my very first short story written in English. This kind of review I really need. I'll try my very best next time. Thank you again BOB.

[Aarea]

Your welcome. I am glad to help and you really have great potential.

[magenta24uk]

Very good idea. You need to make it more gripping, build up the room and the conversation and have the main guy a little more sly at the end. Very good, I like that it can be a man or a woman telling the tale as that means everyone can relate.