Let loose the lips of Lucifer (part 2)

Hoping to turn this into a novel. Here is another peak

I felt like the girl in my mother’s romantic novel. I had just entered high school when I saw the older girls walking around with books with pictures of white people at the front in interesting poses, often the woman would be looking seductively into the man’s eyes, who most times had long hair, blue eyes and was wearing an unbuttoned shirt. I was intrigued by the way the girls sat under the shade at lunch with their legs cross and didn’t raise their heads from the book until the bell rang, with longing in their eyes and a sense of need to continue reading.

I was excited when I found one cleverly hidden at the back of the bookshelf, gathering dust; it had my mother’s name on the inside of the cover. I was blown away by the erotic knowledge I found on some pages and felt as though I wanted to vomit or scream, but one part caught me, that made me feel so sad and pitiful, was when the woman stood waiting for the man who had no intention of coming back.

I walked on into the school gates, arriving just as the bell rang. I couldn’t pay attention in morning worship, for I was too busy searching for Nora, crossing my fingers that she would walk through the large double doors. The girls in my year glanced at me so often and quickly turned around when I caught their eyes. I wasn’t pinching the girl’s elbow in front of me or threatening to trip another, so while I stood there scanning the room, they were rejoicing a change.

I was already planning school dominance when I met Nora, for I believed she could add to my craft, but having spent the weekend with her, I realized that I was only a child who knew nothing about cigarettes or love and my petty teasing and stealing was a bit amateur. After leaving after school, without bothering to poke my tongue or point my middle finger at the school, my feet instinctively walked to the river, but all I found was a cigarette butt and the impression we left after lying on the grass for so long.

My mother was genuinely surprised to see me home before the sunset. I sat quietly at the table and ate the sandwich that Mavis prepared without much effort, as the peanut butter was untidily slapped on the bread, making a lump in the middle and the lemonade had too much lemons and little sugar; maybe mother gave her a hard time today.

Evening came fast; I heard my mother squealing at some grade my brother had received, while I didn’t even do my homework. I lit the lamp, watching the flame dance at the record playing. I lay on my back staring at the electric bulb, I didn’t think much of electricity, which made my mother call me backward, but lamps gave a comforting glow and warmth and the electric bulb was too bright and harsh. I buried my head in my pillow and tried to hold my breath, but that game got too monotonous and I wanted someone to talk to. I rolled and danced with myself, but that became too tedious, so I went ahead and brushed my teeth, having hope for the next day.

Tuesday morning I emptied my bag of the unnecessary books, as my mother had long ago stopped believing that I was learning anything. However, I was really preparing myself to leave early and wait at the bar for Nora. I ate my breakfast quickly and practically ran to the bar, eyeing the girls passing and suspiciously gazing at me. I saw her approaching, her uniform was rumpled, but her hair was neat. She kept stopping to pulling at her socks that kept sliding down her ankle, when she saw me her expression was as though she had never seen me before, immediately I felt regretful.

She passed me and walked right into the bar, and then she handed me a soda, in the same way as when she just met me, it made me smile. I followed her in the opposite direction, to the river. I fumbled with the cigarette she handed me, I still wasn’t perfect and I longed to experience the tranquility she did that made her blow out the smoke and close her eyes, but it only felt as though smoke was filling my lungs and I would soon pass out, but seeing that I didn’t want to look like an idiot, I continued.

“Where you get them” I said pointing at the cigarette

“My father’s office”

“Oh, who is your father?”

“Don’t play dumb” she said and closed her eyes once more, my heart sank.

She wasn’t herself today and when she turned her back away from me, her shirt lifted and exposed a large black-blue mark on her lower back, I touched it and she flinched, but didn’t turn around, or hit me with her bottled anger. I touched it again, but it seemed to calm her, so I pressed my fingers hard against it and she started sobbing, I know she didn’t fall or an object fell on her, we both knew that someone hit her, so we left it there.

She took off her clothes once more, this time she wore no brassiere, and her exposed chest showed me that it was a show, for there was no need for one. The mark on her back was shaped like a deformed head and was swollen around the sides, she sank into the cool water and stayed there for awhile, when she came up, she only looked at me with a dead stare and went down again. I took off my clothes and walked towards her, we held each other’s hands to keep afloat, then we went down together and blew the bubbles until they met in the circle and collided.

We were lying on the grass with our uniforms draped over us like sheets when we heard the voices, it sounded like the usual school children passing, so we paid it no mind, then we heard the footsteps approaching and speedily draped the clothes on. We saw the khaki shorts at the knees and the strong, muscular calves; we were frozen, waiting in anticipation for the faces. They were the boys from the opposite school, my brother’s school, and then my brother appeared, he looked shocked to see me that he paused before walking on.

One of the boys stopped in front of Nora, he had a handsome face, with eyes small and shiny, his upper lip had a deep line in the middle, making it seem as though they were drawn. He put his face close to hers and whistled, before fanning himself as though he was hot. The other boys laughed and so did my brother, I gave him a deadly glare, the boy looked over to me and grinned, he scanned my bare feet, straight to my wet hair, he walked over to me and glanced at my wet clothes and was about to touch me when my brother called out to him “leave that one”. The boy looked at him, puzzled then he grinned again.

“You want this one eh” the boy asked with a smirk.

“Couldn’t want the sister” he said looking directly at me, then he shoved his hand in his pocket and spat, shifting his attention to Nora, the other boys shook their heads knowingly, as though they knew me. My brother walked over to Nora and touched her arm, she didn’t shrug or look uncomfortable, he held on to her elbow and led her to a tree, and she silently followed. I watched with a burning gaze as he whispered into her ear and she shifted her feet and dug her toe into the dirt.

I stood with the other boys, who now looked at me as though I was a five year old, and then they took off their shoes and put their toes in the water. The handsome one took a dark glass bottle from his bag, he drank the content and twisted his face, and the others laughed and started lighting cigarettes. I grabbed my bag and began walking to the road, nobody even noticed.

 

I headed to the library and dropped my bag at the bag counter; I sat in the dark corner, the place I usually was, so I didn’t have to pretend as though I was reading. The only sounds were the turning of the pages and sighing over a rather boring or a book that filled someone with much emotion. I began wondering and replaying the day in my mind. I saw the way my brother looked at Nora with lust and need and how she conformed to his touch. I wondered what he was saying in her ear, and if anyone realized that I left.

I felt my heart swell and grow heavy, as I thought that my brother would once more take something from me, I pressed my head against the warm board table and let the tears drop and absorb into the table, growing dark and moist. I rubbed my chest to ease the pain, that made me feel as though I was about to die, and suddenly I felt like I lost everything I had.

My brother’s light was on when I reached home, it was Tuesday so mother was at church with the other ladies. I trudged on the stairs and my brother opened his door as though he was anticipating me. He pushed his head through the half opened door and grinned, then slammed the door in my face, I kicked the door and once again he opened it, this time with so much force that it frightened me.

He hit me on the shoulder and I slapped his face, he seethed and pushed me against the wall and pounded me in the arm, I held on to his face and scratched his cheek, it angered him and he spat directly between my forehead and pushed me, I fell and he hissed and slammed his door, I began to cry and it felt as though the walls were closing in on me and I felt like dying. I wasn’t winning anymore. I was beyond exhausted.