Consciousness 3: My Journey Through Religion

Sometimes the best thing to do is find you own way in life until you realize that it really is yours.

I remember when I was small I had many questions in mind. I hadn’t been able to answer these questions mainly because no one knew the answers to it. When I would question God’s creation, they had just replied “God has always been.” But that really didn’t answer my question. I didn’t understand why no one knew how god was created, only that he created us. Another question I had was the one of the law of God; that God was the only one that judged you, yet I saw people everywhere that something was wrong, and that we weren’t supposed to do anything against them, simply because we were little, but as I child I always saw it as God was the only one that can judge us, so I never paid much attention to it.

It wasn’t until I was in the eighth grade, when I joined some sort of bible study group. I was there minding my own business, listening to Linkin Park, when one of the teacher in there said to me. “Cut your hair. Only people that worship the devil had long hair and listen to rock music.” I was shocked. How could she say such a thing? I asked her what she meant and she replied. “Didn’t you hear me? Cut your hair. If you don’t cut your hair, I’ll make sure that you get kicked out of this organization.” I told her to leave me alone that I’ve been here way before she has, and that I was into God, that she had no right to tell me what I listened to, or how I dressed my appearance. She told me that I was wrong and that I had been taught wrong, which I found rather hypocritical because she was the one that taught me most of the lectures when I would go on those long Wednesday evenings.

So the next day I decided that all of this was incorrect. Judgment shouldn’t be taken to this extreme simply because one was raised differently than the other. I went about my business and decided that I wouldn’t attend these bible study classes. It wasn’t long until I went to Catholicism and tried out their belief structure. I was yet to find the same judgment that I had received with the Christian Bible study group. It was all the same. The hair, the music; there was never anything different. I didn’t understand why. I wasn’t evil. I didn’t worship the devil. I couldn’t put it together why.

It wasn’t long until I began realizing that they were all the same. All the God believing religions had been the same for the last thousand years. They had been altered by corrupted humans in order to teach incorrect judgments to all others so that they would be the supreme religion of the world. After just a year, and with some other twist of events in my unfortunate life, I had just lost all of my faith in this one called God. I had never really thought I would find myself saying such things at that age, but as I’ve come to realize, all of it is just an illusion for hope to weak minded people. I damned every one of those people that called themselves fellow Christians to a fellowship that I found to be flawed, and yet I was the one who was considered crazy.

After my miss-happenings with Christianity, in general, I went looking for something else. I read Antoine Lavey’s Satanic Bible. I found many things in such a scripture that made more sense to me then the Holy Bible. I liked how the first few books were rather interesting about the enlightenment through Satan, but I found it rather filled with biases and other various elements that gave off that he just wrote it to piss of the Christian community. Then I took the liberty of reading the Garnerian Book of Shadows, the Bible for the Wicca religion. I practiced some of the things that were described in the book, about how to make a “Circle” and other various spells. I tried them constantly and prayed to Isis, and Gaia, and yet I received nothing, so that wasn’t really working for me. Then I noticed that Isis was actually an Egyptian goddess, so that just completely took the cake, and made me disbelieve in Wicca.

Soon after, I began too loose hope in all religion in general, and it was like this for about two years. I had just lost all of my faith in anything; not even being atheist made any sense to me. I didn’t believe in a deity, but what I did believe in was something that I couldn’t explain. In the depths of my mind was something that was just dying for me to get out; like a voice that was screaming depth within my subconscious. So when about my junior year came around in high school, as people would ask me if I believed in God, due to the way I talked about open mindedness and the theories of multiple dimensions in M-Theory. I was what you would call a man of science and logic. M-Theory made perfect sense to me at the time, but it didn’t take that long before I started realizing that that didn’t make much sense to me either, mainly because they were all mere theory.

I went from Judaism, to Satanism; from Hinduism to scientology, and they all never made any which way of sense. That was until I discovered something that would change my life entirely for the better. This was what some people called Autotheism. It’s not a real world per say, but judging by the etymology of the word I can tell that it meant “the belief that you are your own god. That was when I came up with the most mind boggling theory that I have ever thought. It was called the Creation Gene…

Author's Note

Read Chapter Two to understand properly. Now and as ever, Transcend the Illusion