SOUR

she inhaled, a
sour essence of creativity
she talked barefoot and teasingly
her hair like aspen  
exhaling her dragon
high on the hill
and when she did pass
it was to new heights
I could not have imagined
she brings my smile so easily

lips like sugar echoed the Bunnymen
in the brown station wagon of joy
fire flies flickered against the stars
her hands upon the red dust of Mars
she giggled at the faintest noise

her posture and poise
and of the world
she told what she knew
enlightened in her truths,
and the loves that she blue
collected thoughts she held on to
like childhood toys

midnight daisies share her space
as she ponders the sour taste

and like a dragon she said
"am I poetry?"
as she floated towards
the fields ready for harvest

Reviews

[Allen Smuckler]

Absolutely Great write Rene...so vividly descriptive...loved the last stanza...words flowed...excellent use of rhyming and rhythm...
Well done
allen
btw or ps
did you mean "blue" or "blew" in third stanza...
metaphors "blew" me away...:)

[Victoria PoetryBunny]

Ooo i love this... many lines and parts in this write i like a lot. You wrote this so greatly and with a nice picture, seems different too. I love the first two lines, and the last stanza. Some other parts I like and enjoyed:

"fire flies flickered against the stars
her hands upon the red dust of Mars
she giggled at the faintest noise"
...
"collected thoughts she held on to
like childhood toys"

[I Cast a Shadow]

Beautiful. Now that is an inspired piece. I like it when things aren't too literal. Especially in poetry. I like to figure it out from imagery, metaphor, and symbolism. If you tell me what's going on the whole time I don't get to figure it out. I think unless the point is to be blunt, don't be blunt. Maybe part of your point was to be blunt. I hope you get that pun. Heh heh.

[Judy Ponceby]

Beautifully written, your imagery is amazing. Now that I understand what you were writing about this is moreso fascinating. As always great rhythm and flow. That last stanza is amazing, but I don't believe she is your poetry, I think it is inherently your own. :)

[Neva Flores Smith - Cha..]

My favorites lines........fire flies flickered against the stars her hands upon the red dust of Mars. What an exquisite piece!

[I Cast a Shadow]

I really enjoy all of this but the last stanza. I feel the mood in the last stanza to be almost unrelated to the rest of the poem though the theme is the same. It started and followed through beautifully but then I feel the beauty was destroyed when fantasy was shattered with dialogue. Funny though.

[LadyCardiac]

Absolutely amazings

he inhaled, a
sour essence of creativity
she talked barefoot and teasingly

she told what she knew
enlightened in her truths,
and the loves that she blue
collected thoughts she held on to
like childhood toys

I can honestly say that this piece speaks in volumes.

[Kenneth The Poet]

Just wow!

[...]

. what a remarkable piece of writing ...
. magical and surreal ...