BREAKDOWN

I'm sitting and waiting,
waiting and sitting,
wondering
when's the big event,
a personal undertaking,
something I'd like to prevent,

I am the coward of some
things, some would say brave,
but I have no say, in this
predicament I am a slave,

I've had my fill, lost my freewill
and certainty in the next wave,
a state of peasantry,
a state of emergency,
things that God never forgave,

and now the days
I preciously hold,
past a threshold,
more valuable than gold
a breakdown so I can rebuild,
my breakdown if it's God's will.