The Truth

As i look outside from the window of the smelly red bus to a world of cold, grey,wintery darkness .

I realised that i had been lied to for the majority of my reasonable dull life, I realised the family(country) that i have been brought in has been literally groom me up to be a working solider. I've realised this on the day i turned 18. . Nothing in this world is how it is meant to be. We are simply products of our own success. I now know that the country i've been brought up in simply trains children to be good workers to help improve their country.

How could they deceive us in this unruralling behaviour, i trusted them, i looked up to them so how they treat me in this manner. As my heart breaks in tiny cracks like a crack within a window, as i realised how deceived i am.

To be continued...

Author's Note

Needs to be continued

Reviews

[Gabriella]

There is a great deal of feeling in this one that I can tell you are eager to share. However, I would rather have read it with standard grammar, more organized formatting, and maybe some more poetic imagery. It seems like you could have gone on longer with this also, so maybe you should take the time to polish it. Of course, these are just suggestions, but I believe this piece could be the framework for something really great.