A day to remember

Just a short story that has been remodelled =]

How could this happen?  He just left didn't even say goodbye as he was quickly  stolen away from me. I can still remember those green eyes glisten in the rain as he held me close not wanting to miss a moment of what we felt! But then hell just took him away from me. Oh how i wish i could just say I love one more time to him. I apologise if my tears make this text so hard to read ut just talking about him makes my heart sink and the world seem so grey!

 

I was just talking to him last night. Those four magical words that was going to change our lives forever! How could this happen? Now he has gone, gone for good. I can't believe that i will never see those eyes again, those eyes full of life but now just black and dead just like him! My Johnny.

 

Who could have done this? He was walking home like he always did. Why didn't he stay and tell me...

But that was Johnny always full of suprises! the police had said that when they found him he was a mess nothing but a body amongst rubble. That wasn't my Johnny, he was happy, full of joy and fun. But tking away like a scrap of metal

 

My life is gone and no one could replace Johnny he was my life, my soulmate but that gang had taken that way from me. As if life was worthless and has but just a disembodied body connected to the brain oh how i wish you would have met Johnny than you would understand why a man like him should never have gone

But no he has gone for good!

 

My love i solioquised.

Reviews

[Anonymous Shadow]

-ignores grammar again-
its not bad... its not as good as what it could be. extend it. realy delve into the character's mind. get in there, dig around a bit, and find the innermost thoughts and write them in. pull our heartstrings half out, tie them to a rock, and throw the rock off the edge of a waterfall.

[Sseoni]

I really liked this. It was sad, but a good story overall. It had a good flow and I really enjoyed reading it.
Now, for the critique! Oh, I hate this part! Dun dun dun! Lol.
There are some grammar and spelling errors. In my opinion(note my opinion), I felt as though as if you could have used more details and descriptions to express your sorrowful feelings. I do not mean to offend you in any way, but I love to use details! I do agree with AS about getting into the character's mind. It's better to let the reader know what the character is feeling and express it by using details and imagery.
Overall, it was a good story. I hope I helped you. Like I said, I do not mean to offend you in any way. I'm just trying to help. :D