the death of my hope

i do love you men, i am in deep love with you.

I’m in love with your charming smile, it makes me smile even in my worst times.

I’m in love with your voice, because, it’s the one that makes me relax, calm down and turn me off from everything around.

I’m in love with your smell, that special smell of your body, which stimulates every single cellule in my body.

I’m in love with your eyes, they take my intention, not only they inspire me but also they make me see myself in the best way,  I can ever be.

Oh boy ! do you think I just love you ?

You are so insane if you see my love for you is only love, that everyone else talks about.

I’m so in love with you, my feelings are so higher and higher.

Indeed, my love for you, consumes me, it’s that kind of love with so much of passion.

In this level, you are my joy and my pain too; you are the only person who gives me the extreme happiness and in the same time the extreme suffer.

You are my North, South, East and West.

My working day and Sunday rest.

My moon, my night, my talk and songs.

For sure, you mean the world to me…..

However, you are asking a lot my dear ….

How do I supposed to act as a blind ?

These pictures are burning my soul.

How do I supposed to act as a deaf too ?

Her calls, people knowledge about the reality …. I don’t know how to handle with these things.

And most of all, how do I supposed to act as nothing is happening ?

Her hugs, kisses, words to you are killing me slowly, just like cigarettes.

You say,you got the hard part, you felt too, you put yourself in my place, but you forgot a precious fact.

You can’t honey feel the way I feel, simply, because you aren’t in my situation.

Do you want to feel it a little ?

Close your eyes for three minutes, imagine that someone is holding me in his arms, then kiss me in my lips and tell me, how much he loves me and wants me.

Now, open your eyes and tell me what you feel ?

Is it hard ?

Well it’s harder and harder because you just had a fake image of the situation, but, I’m living the real one babe.

I’m staying, I’m in your side not because I love you or because you told me to stay, the reason of my presence in your life for now, is because I see the precious thing between us, that thing is holding me, drugging me to you.

How ironic life is !!!

I know you loved me for while, and my love isn’t an old love, it still fresh, but I would never bring to you such pain, a pain that makes you struggle every single moment to not give up and get down.

 

Cruel to the eye, I see myself the biggest lie in your life, darling, it makes me can’t breathe easily.

Cruel to the eye, I trust you inside, don’t know why…

Without you next to me, there’s no way for me to hold on again on life.

Without you holding me, nothing makes sense anymore.

In these hard moments, when I fall apart, I close my eyes and look away, just because I’m not ok, but I hold on, I stay strong, wonder in if we still belong.

Will we ever have a nice closure?

Will we stay together?

Or we are just pretending we are together, we share the same heartbeat and feelings.

What about the reality?

How long we will keep these secrets safe?

I’m scared of the day, when I can’t take it any longer.

What would you do then?

What would you say?

Pretending is ok! My eyes deceived me when it stills the same.

I want to shut these voices, run from this ugly truth, find a good step to take.

I want to have my happy ending after these longing, after my past, after all that pain and suffer….

Once, I promised you to never go away, or try to forget you.

I’m a girl who keeps her words, but you aren’t helping me at all.

You could turn off your phone when you are with me, at least to have some moments alone, withtou making me feel stupid and like s**t.

You could change that profile picture after this long time, just to not make see it when you tell me you miss me and love me, because when I’m willing to answer you, it becomes so hard and it hurts to give you the same answer.

However, you didn’t even thought about doing these things. So how do you expect me to keep holding without having help from you?

You are just making it harder and harder……

My love, my life, my sweetheart, you have me only until the end of summer, after I’m leaving for good.

Don’t you dare blame me, because I listened to you, gave you what you want without doubting you, but I’m not staying more than summer.

When you get this letter, I will be far away, so far away.

Eventhough leaving you means letting my precious soul, I won’t stay.

My pride won’t wait you longer because you made your decision and you aren’t a kid. So deal with your decision.

Also, I want you to know that it’s so hard for me to leave you; my best part will die when I run away from you.

It’s going to be the hardest decision I have ever take in my entire life.

And I will never forget about you or about my love for you.

If we are meant to be together, God will make us together somehow.