dArK & lOVeLy oR rATheR ThE mOnSTeRs WiTHiN ME

A sad realization I came to a while ago.

Do you ever find yourself laying awake at night, looking into the darkness wondering why you feel the way you do?

I do this constantly. I lay in bed, staring into the darkness wishing the hopelessness I feel would vanish the way my want to live does so easily. Don't get me wrong I love being alive, but there have been more times that I'd like to admit where I wished I could go to sleep and never wake up.

I hate that I feel this way, and it affects me in more than one way. I like to think that is why I find myself staring into the darkness at night, persuading myself not to think about the monsters in the back of my mind. They tear at my heart and rip at my soul, but I won't give up.

I'll keep fighting them, cause I made a promise to a lot of people that I'd never let myself reach that point.

Of course this is no easy task though. I go to sleep hoping with my entire being that I'll be able to close my eyes and sleep without worry or fear of the unknown attacking me and dragging me into a world of terror and pain.

I know it sounds kind of fanciful, but I do wonder if there are beings that linger in my mind, waiting for the moment I close my eyes and become a prisoner of my racing thoughts.

So, as I asked before, do you ever lay awake at night? Do you look into the darkness and wonder why you feel the way you do? Are you in pain, or is it something else? Do you ever contemplate disappearing not because you want to die, but because you wonder if it would be better?

I can honestly say, I DO. I'm not proud of it and it isn't easy to admit, but I'll keep going. Even when it's painful.

SO DON'T GIVE UP EITHER!

I know today's RAGE QUIT was actually kind of dark... and not really a RAGE QUIT at all. But when I started this endeavor I promised myself I'd be entirely honest with how I feel. And I want the same for all of you. Feel free to tell me your thoughts, what's bothering you, anything. I'll always respond, cause I know how terrible it feels to be left hanging!

Anyway...CYA BAI!!! *Insert crazy smile*

Author's Note

Sorry if this ruins someone's day.

Reviews

[HB Rita]

I'll keep fighting them, cause I made a promise to a lot of people that I'd never let myself reach that point............... That's the spirit girl!
You are living in a world alone by yourself. You love being in a dark and be yourself. This is something that you might born with. There is two different sides of life, one- bright sparkle and the other - with dark clouds. It is us to chose where we want to be. You love being in the dark clouds. NOT BAD. You are exploring yourself and the world with your ideas and experiences.
keep writing.

[Ren Nightshade]

Thank you! I hope one day I can cross with the light haha!

[HB Rita]

You will! You have a long way to explore and changes!