A special girl gone.

you are sitting at your desk, you know its time to go.
you said that you are self over a million times, but this time you know for sure, is real.
you are tired,you are just so very tired.
your parents pissed you off.
Like, school wasn't bad enough today.
You go to get the knife or the rope or the gun, whatever you choose to use because you are that desperate to leave.

"You're ready."
You think of it is some game, the first one dead is the first one, who wins.

No one's home. Its the perfect time.

"You're ready."

If you don't do it no, you're just gonna look down on yourself even more forever. you're gonna hate yourself even more.

No One knows. No one will know until later on.

Instead of getting a paper and pen, you got the video camera along with a chair. You are standing on the chair, you decided to go with the rope.

You will be gone instantly and there will be no noise.
One side of the rope is tied to the top of your fan while the other is already in your neck.
You are in tears and you know its for real this time, you can feel it.
You turn on the video camera and you just stare at the red light blinking upon your eyes
You start to mumble out few words,
   " Mom and Dad,
                          I am sorry, I don't know why but i am sorry.
                          I just can't do this anymore.
                          I don't even know who am I anymore.
                          I have lost myself and i seem to not be able to find my way                                   back.
                          Please don't blame yourself.
                          I love you both.
                          please tell my siblings the same.
                          Be strong and stay safe.

You say sorry to your best friend because you know you won't be there for him anymore. Specially, when he needs you more than ever.
You say sorry to everyone, you can think of.

You are sorry for not being strong anymore.
You are sorry for breaking down.
You are sorry for putting them through so much pain in there life.

You stare once again at that red light blinking on your eyes,
One foot off the chair now, as you begin to mouth the word "good bye."
You have the remote control to turn off the camera in your right hand.
You point your finger on the off button.
You click that button and as you see that light go off, you go off.

Both feet are now off the chair, that chair is on the floor. Your room is filled with silence.

You're dead. you're gone, there's no going back.
Everything  is over.
You don't have to live in pain anymore, but everyone else will.

What are your parents gonna think?
what about your little sister?

You're gone. You're dead, there's no going back.

You ended your life because that person you like only thought of you as a friend?
You ended your life because that one teacher was harder on you than anyone else in the class because she knew that, you are the only one that was going somewhere in life.

Your parents are home now, they call your name telling you that they are home, just like they normally do whenever they get home, but some thing is different, you don't answer, they don't hear your voice, they get worried. you always answer. Your mom comes upstairs thinking you are sleeping or showering.

Your mom opens your bedroom's door and screams at the top of her lungs, she instantly passes out.
Your little sister hears her in and comes up after her.
she screams,
                      "Daddy help!"
She runs over to you hitting your legs. begging you to wake up,
                                                 "Wake up, Wake up
                                                   please stop, wake up."
But you don't answer, you're not waking up.

You're gone. You're dead, there is no waking up.

Your dad comes running upstairs all he can do is stare He watches his baby girl swing back and forth on a rope. He sees the video camera and the chair but he doesn't move. He cries. Your dad never cries. he picks up the phone and calls 911, he can barely get the words,
                                                     " My daughter committed suicide" out of his mouth. he is in tears. Your little sister stares at your dad He hangs up and she jumps right into your daddy's arms, crying harder than ever She is too young to understand completely but she knows you are gone She knows you are dead and she knows you are never coming back.
Everything is over.

The cops finally arrived, they take your mom out of your room, they push your dad and sister out of your room and now they are sitting in the living room.
They take your body down off those ropes and lay you in stretcher. They cover your body and out you go. Just like that. In the blink of an eye everything happens and everything is over.

You're gone. you're dead, there is no going back. Nothing is the same.

Two weeks have passed your mom still stares out of the window half of the day, sometimes even the whole day.  your little sister still hasn't return to school. your dad was forced to go to work so that he can your bill for your funeral.

Eventually they find strength to go back in your room. Your door hasn't been opened for two months. The rope is till laying on the floor, the same place the cops put it and the video camera is still on the table. They don't even dare to watch that video. It will never be seen. They slowly pick up the rope and throw it in the garbage. Your mom is basically in tears. She brush of your bed making it neat like she used to do every morning after you went to school. Your desk was empty, they didn't ave those sticky notes you used to leave before going to school, 
           "Have a good day mom,remember to smile."
You pretended to be so happy that you even tricked yourself. Your bed was made and your room was clean. they shut the door and it remained shut.

Your school is still on distress. You thought no one cared and you thought no one noticed you.
Remember that girl, who said no to be your lab partner?
yes, she cuts every night cause she thinks its her fault that you died.
Remember that boy, who tripped you accidently, looked at you and didn't say sorry?
yeah, he is suicidal therapy because he feels a smile could have saved your life and he didn't give that to you.
Remember that teacher, who was harder on you that day?
She quit her job because she felt, she don't deserve to teach anymore.

you're gone. you're dead, there is no going back.

Four years have passed now.
Your little sister is now 15 years old
she started a club its in her school dedicated to you.
"Secrets" its what she calls it. the club is formed for kids to speak there heart without anyone judging them. they could say anything they needed to. If they were suicidal, they always had someone to talk to.
That was your problem, you didn't wanna talk with to anyone. You had everything kept inside of you. You acted as if you were the happiest kid on the planet and you acted you had the perfect life. You played the happy character so well, that even you started to believe it. You would be so happy all day and as soon as you laid in bed that night the thoughts came back A little fight between you and your parents could have set you off. Everything is kept inside of you for years. You just hate your limits.
  
You're gone. You're dead, there is no going back.

Your room will never be occupied. Your mom still cries every night. Your dad is not strong anymore like before. Your little sister will never grow up with you by her side moving her to the right direction. She needed you. your best friend is still torn up. He needed you. Your parents don't know what to d anymore, They needed you. Your school has a club dedicated to you. So that teens doesn't make the same mistake you did. your life was precious and you took it away in the blink of an eye. All you needed was a smile. Its all you needed to show you that everything will be okay. 

people always have cared. people will always care. You were just way to upset to see that back then. You were just too caught up with the fact that you thought no one cared, when the truth was more people cared about you than you ever thought they would.
you know what sucks? it sucks that you see that now that you are gone  and you didn't see that when you are still here.
A girl is gone. A special girl. A girl who thought no one cared. Everyone cared. they care, They always have cared and they always will care. They loved you and no matter what they will always love you.