A Victim of Surroundings

A young boy must fight the battle of his life as he struggles to overcome bullying at school, apathy from his parents, and a dark battle within himself.

                Jacob Veach sat quietly in his room, the silence allowing the tranquil feeling of the evening sunset to sweep over his mind and body like the cool breeze flowing through his open window. Jacob sat on the edge of his bed as the breeze blew his warm chestnut brown hair down over his face. He knew tomorrow may be the worst day of his life, he shivered slightly at the mere thought. Though he had tried to avoid thinking about it, he knew the final day of summer was coming to a close, tomorrow would be his first day of high school. Jacob stood and moved over to his mirror, peeling his shirt off slowly he gazed at his reflection. He saw nothing special, at only 5’9” and weighing a frail 150 pounds, Jacob was far from the typical athlete. He sighed as he eyed himself; he longed for the defined abs and powerful chest muscles of the kids he often saw in the park playing football. His gazed moved upward as he looked at his face, acne was setting in along his frail jaw line and on his cheeks. His stringy hair fell down near his plain brown eyes set off by his pale complexion. Jacob’s eyes shimmered with sadness; he had no special features about himself. He so badly desired a tone body and bronze skin, then girls would notice him, then he would have friends. Jacob sighed again to himself before moving to bed and flipping off the light, maybe tomorrow would be different he thought. As his eyes slowly closed and his body came to rest he smiled slightly, it surely couldn’t be as bad as Junior High had been. Jacob arose at 7am to the shrill cry of his alarm clock echoing throughout the room. He sat up and rubbed his eyes, shaking off the last remnants of fatigue as the warm rays of the golden sun welcomed him into the new day. Jacob stood to his feet and stretched as the sun warmed his skin, he moved slowly to the shower closing his eyes as the warm water cascaded slowly down his body, even as he showered however, he found himself unable to wash away the feeling of impending disaster awaiting him at the new school. Jacob lived only a few blocks from the school but the walk felt like an eternity to him. His feet seemed to stick to the pavement with each step as though the very concrete he walked on filled his shoes, dragging his feet down and straining his small leg muscles. During the walk he found himself reminiscing the school years of past, like a chilling demon residing deep within his soul it plagued him. Jacob remembered the years of torment from the other boys, memories that tore at his heart and ripped his emotions painfully from his body. He remembered all the times he was shoved around, punched, kicked, and belittled. He felt the sorrow of eating lunch hand spending recess alone longing for someone to talk to and play with. The other boys’ words still hit Jacob like a knife tearing through his flesh and sticking deep within his chest; f*g, queer, loser, failure. As Jacob reached the steps of the high school his eyes filled with tears at the very thought of having to endure four more years of this torture. Jacob wiped his eyes and took a deep breath; he had to remain strong as he walked up the cold stone steps of the school. He knew the other boys awaited him with their verbal guns, no need for him to give them ammunition. Jacob moved through his day like a soul lost in a never ending void. He moved from class to class in his thoughtless trance, meeting teachers whose names he couldn’t remember, he ate lunch that day though what he ate escaped his memory as it often does when eating alone. Everything about that day was a standstill dream in his mind except for the abuse he suffered. Nothing could have prepared Jacob for this day; it was far worse than he could have ever imagined. Jacob found he no longer had to deal with only the boys from Jr. High, now he had older kids to deal with as well, and he suffered slowly though a constant downpour of abuse and hatred throughout the entire day. He closed his bedroom door behind him, sitting on the edge of his bed the memories of the day flooded back. Jacob felt the stinging pain in his back from being thrown against the lockers by that senior, he could still feel the grip around his neck from that boy that had chocked him for bumping into him in the hallway, but nothing hurt as much as the tearing pain in his chest from the hateful words and mocking laughs hurled at him all day. Jacob turned to lie down for a while, his parents wouldn’t be home for a few hours, and he wanted to just escape even if only to his dreams, but found himself unable to sleep for it was quite difficult. To sleep through the tears streaming down his cheeks.

The soft orange glow of sunset flooding through his window caused Jacob to rise up out of bed as he struggled to compose himself, his parents would be home soon and he dare not show such weakness in front of his father. Jacob’s father was small in stature himself but he had learned to command authority at work and at home. He constantly reminded Jacob of how he was bullied in school and had to learn to stand up for himself. His icy blue eyes burned with passion and energy each time he lectured Jacob about believing in himself and taking a stand. Jacob often found himself studying his father’s small frame, pale white skin, and neatly ironed shirt tucked into his slacks, he wondered if his father truly learned to stand on his own or if the bullies just found a weaker target. Jacob played a game that night he had grown quite accustomed to over the years as he lied to his parents, telling them school was great and that he was enjoying his high school experience. Late that night after his parents had retired for the evening, Jacob sat in his room, his face illuminated only by the faint glow of his television. Jacob’s eyes were cast downward, his face twisted into a mesmerized state as he carefully studied the small pistol with a vivid fascination. The gun was light but felt like a brick in his hands, he felt the barrel with his fingertips; it was cold as ice and sent chills deep through his body. He continued his inspection until his grip rested on the handle and his finger found the trigger. Jacob stopped here as his eyes widened for feelings he had never experienced surged through his body, feelings of power and control. Jacob had found the pistol in his parent’s closet weeks ago while searching through things on an afternoon when he was home alone. He found himself captivated by the weapon and had taken it to his room, he kept it hidden under his mattress and figured if his parents hadn’t noticed it missing by now, they probably never would. More than once Jacob had considered just taking his own life, he found himself doing so again even now as all he longed for was to escape the pain that tormented his emotions, to be free of this feeling of inadequacy and worthlessness. Jacob sighed almost in disgust and returned the gun to its hiding spot, just one more thing he didn’t have the guts to do. Jacob turned off his television and crawled into bed, hoping tomorrow would be a better day. Jacob’s day was no better than any other in the past, he found himself victimized by bullies as he went throughout his day. Jacob was physically and verbally abused at every turn and found himself again sitting in his dimly lit room choking back the tears that battled to release in a flood of emotions. With each passing day Jacob found it harder and harder to lie to his parents as he slipped deeper into depression, each day it became more difficult for Jacob to even climb out of bed. Jacob was slipping into a very dangerous place as he was losing touch with his human emotions, leaving only an empty shell of pain and torment behind. Jacob sprung up in his bed late that night; he stared into the darkness as his mind raced. Jacob found his mind clear for the first time in many years, why had he considered taking his own life? Why should he be the one to suffer for something he hadn’t done? Jacob’s gaze stayed locked straight ahead, the darkness in the room engulfed him like a violent storm, filling his heart and soul with a deep seeded hate, he knew what he needed to do. Tomorrow Jacob would finally make a stand for himself and earn the respect he so desperately longed for, tomorrow he would bring an end to all of this torment in his body; he gazed at the end of his mattress and for the first time in some time he smiled, yes tomorrow this would all come to an end.

Jacob walked slowly up the heavy stone steps of the school, each step he took he felt his feet plant heavily on the ground beneath him. The small pistol carefully concealed in his backpack seemed to carry an extraordinary weight that pulled at Jacob with each step. Jacob moved through the halls with his head down, he ignored the comments thrown at him as he dare not make eye contact or in any way acknowledge his tormentors. Jacob reached his locker, he drew in a deep breath as the cool morning air filled his lungs and he focused on getting his locker open. Jacob turned the tumblers of his locker and closed his eyes as he could feel everything around him suddenly moving in slow motion. The tumblers of his locker seemed to glide as he clearly heard every loud click as the numbers whirled past. He guided the tumblers through the combination finally resting on that final number, he heard the familiar click of the locker releasing yet today it seemed to echo through the entire school. Jacob placed his backpack in his locker as he unzipped it and opened his eyes, the echoing click he had heard he now realized was not just his locker opening, it was the door opening to his new life filled with respect and opportunity. Jacob closed his locker and turned into the hallway, facing the sea of students moving throughout it in their daily routine. Jacob could hear the loud buzz of countless voices talking in the hallway; hellos, goodbyes, laughs, and stories all be exchanged. In a single second every voice was silenced by the stomach wrenching sound of a gunshot ringing out. Silence swept the hallway as everyone looked around in paranoid terror, Jacob’s aim had been true as the captain of the football team fell to the ground clutching his chest, brilliant red blood pouring from the open would flooding the hall like a shimmering red sea as the life slowly drained from his body. Jacob did not hesitate, he was too far gone at this point as he turned and fired again, sending another victim toppling to the ground. Shot after horrifying shot rang out throughout the school as Jacob sent body after body to the floor, which would be their final resting place. Jacob had planned every moment of this relentless assault. He had found the spare magazines to the pistol and had spent time practicing how to reload the weapon. Jacob reloaded and fired at a relentless pace as students scrambled in all directions, fleeing from the gunfire and desperately seeking safety somewhere as they ran for their very lives. Jacob looked around the hallway, the floor now stained with red, black blood like an ocean flooding over the once golden tiles, the same blood that had once flowed freely through the bodies of his fellow students giving them the life they relished and used to hurt him. Jacob was not yet finished, his eyes scanned the hallways as he searched amongst the bodies, he had one last task to complete after all. Jacob moved slowly through the hallways keeping the pistol ready as he searched classroom to classroom finally finding what he was seeking.

There cowered in the back corner of a remote classroom he saw Jessica Newman. Jessica was one of the popular cheerleaders who scoffed at Jacob as he walked by. Jacob entered the room and examined Jessica, her small body shaking as he stood against the corner, tears streaming down her face as it smeared her normally perfect makeup. Jacob watched her carefully, her golden blonde hair matted to her face all out of its usually perfect place. Her shining emerald eyes filled with tears and wide with terror as she watched Jacob fearfully. Her small athletic frame trembled in fear as Jacob scanned her from head to toe slowly, down over her firm breasts to her well curved body, all the way down to her small tight a*s she was so proud of on her little cheerleader skirt. Jacob admired her perfect skin, bronze with her summer tan and free of any blemish, he loved her brilliant white teeth, perfectly straight as they rivaled any string of pearls he had ever seen. While Jacob admired her body and her features he hated her, hated her for her popularity amongst the school and how everyone seemed to love and adore her, but even more so Jacob hated her for treating him as though he was below her and making him feel insignificant around her. As Jacob moved toward her she cried hysterically begging him for her life, but Jacob smiled at her, he was not ready to take her life. Rather Jacob called her name, as she fearfully looked up at him he ordered her to undress, he had earned his respect but now he sought to fulfill his desire to become a man. She cried the entire time, even as he fastened his belt back on he could still hear her quiet sobs in his ear but he didn’t care, she deserved it, the heartless b***h. Jacob turned to face her as she lie naked on the floor still sobbing, without hesitation he raised the pistol and with a single shot to the head, he silenced her forever. As he headed for the door Jacob froze, he heard voices outside and felt a chill course through his spine as he realized the police were coming. Terror swept over Jacob at the thought of being arrested, no this couldn’t happen. He had worked so hard for this, going to jail would take it all way, Jacob knew if he went to prison he would be the one beaten and picked on all over again. He could not let all of this go to waste, he needed to cement his evil legacy in the annuls of this school forever. With his hands shaking Jacob turned the pistol on himself. The cold metal burned his skin as he pressed the barrel to the temple of his head, the same weapon that had given him such power, terrified him now as he felt tears fill his eyes, yet he could not back down now. Jacob closed his eyes and squeezed the trigger, everything went black as he relived the entire event, he saw the pain and terror on the faces of his victims, felt their fear coursing through their bodies, and he heard Jessica’s sobs of shame and terror before he ended her life.

Jacob’s eyes suddenly burst open as his head collided with the cold metal of his locker sending jolts of pain running through his head. He turned to hear the laughter of a few football players as they saluted him with a middle finger before continuing along their way. Jacob heard the buzzing of voices chattering happily throughout the hallway. He quickly realized everything that he had gone through, what seemed like an eternity was nothing more than a vision of what could be and had lasted only a matter of seconds. Gathering up his things Jacob went off to class, he sat through class watching every second tick off the clock as he longed for the day to end, terrified his backpack would be seized and the gun would be discovered. Jacob forced himself through the day and though the gun was never discovered it did not stop the assault laid down on Jacob, finding himself alone in his room at the end of the day Jacob cried, he cried in pain from the assault of the day and he cried in disgust at himself for being unable to use the weapon he had so carefully planned to liberate himself with. Seeking some form of sympathy Jacob confronted his parents telling them everything of the torment he faced each day, as expected he was met with a scolding for lying to them about loving school and a stern lecture from his father about standing up for himself and handling things like a man rather than a child crying himself to sleep at night. Jacob trudged slowly up the stairs to his room, head down the tears filled his eyes again as he could not understand why even his own parents showed him no sympathy or compassion in his time of need. Jacob sat in his room that night, he found himself holding the pistol in his hand longing to be able to seize the power he felt coursing through the metal weapon, and use it to put end to his pain. Jacob could not understand why he was unable to use this gun. Jacob had reached the point he no longer cared if it was his life or theirs that ended, something had to give. Each passing day became increasingly more difficult on Jacob, the bullying was relentless and each day they seemed to find a new way to hurt him. Jacob knew this torment would never end, he knew it was only going to get worse unless he put a stop to it. He had taken this abuse for too many years and simply could not take another second of it. Jacob arrived at school the next morning with a different aura about him; he walked with an unknown confidence and presented himself with a bold confidence that confused everyone around him. He entered his classroom with his head high, a mischievous sense of knowing spread across his playful smile as the insults seemed to bounce off him, even when he was tripped to the ground he rose with a smile and moved to his seat. He sat in class, his eyes fixed on the clock as he counted each passing moment. It was nearly an hour before the heavy door of the classroom swung open and Jacob felt his heart jump in excitement as the two police officers entered, accompanied by the principal. Jacob’s lips formed into a sadistic smile as the officers pulled him to his feet; his eyes scanned the class slowly as he was handcuffed before everyone. Jacob’s smile broadened as he saw the fear and shock that filled his classmates eyes upon hearing the officer announce he was under arrest for murder. Jacob’s mind raced as he was escorted off the school campus, never again would he be bullied or harassed, he had seized his respect and it would be his forever. Jacob knew he was going to prison but even there he would have some form of respect, for he had found it within himself to use the gun. In two quick pulls of the trigger he had freed himself from the pain that plagued his soul and assured never again would he feel rejected, shunned, or unloved by those that should love him the most. The image of his freedom was burned forever in his mind, being bullied was hard but not nearly as hard as feeling unwanted or unloved. Jacob closed his eyes and saw his freedom again, he smiled at the image in his mind of both his parents lifeless eyes open wide in surprise that swept them seconds before Jacob had put a bullet through their heads. There was a certain respect and authority that came with killing an adult, not just any adult but one’s own parents. Jacob had known that when he moved into their room late that night, he had known that as he took aim and fired two quick shots. In that moment he had earned a respect and authority for the rest of his life he could have never captured by killing kids his own age, finally he was free.  Jacob watched the road as he was driven to the police station, to jail, to his new life.  

           

Reviews

[NCalebD]

Loved the internal fight that Jacob fought, one that I think many of us fight on a smaller scale. Great ending to the story and explanation of his logic. Great read!