Emotions that i know if i say anything it will make things worse for everyone an thy self each part is about something or someone else but words i lately just lock away
Ashamed i am, living this life of pain
Loss of love, when love knows no name
Confused i am, strolling this life swinging mood to mood
I am Woman, yet can hardly elude
Question i do, every word, move i make
Loss of love, when love knows no fake
Taken love they did, this bud of my heart frozen in time
I am Woman, this bud will melt as i make the climb
At first this poem gave me the notion that it was pertaining to a loss of a newborn. "Loss of love, when love knows no name, confused I am, strolling this life swinging mood-to-mood." How could something like that not click, you know? And then I continued to read on and saw, "taken love they did, this bud of my heart frozen in time" and I was committed to that notion. I assumed that the bud was the baby and its passing was, to you, like time frozen. And then the first line of the last stanza had it making more sense, how the loss of a child can leave you speechless, literally, never being able to tell anyone how much pain is associated with it. And then the last 3 lines took that all away. I LOVE THIS POEM! I was led to believe one idea and - BAM, I'm slapped with a polar opposite. Well done! 100/100 from me :)
Posted 9 Years Ago
9 Years Ago
Haha funny thing is though the first part is actually not about a kid the second part is though but .. read moreHaha funny thing is though the first part is actually not about a kid the second part is though but its not totally what you would think right on the spot the last part well it kinda is obvious really.
To me, all the rhymes sound forced. I'd like to see you write in free verse and not worry about rhyming.
Posted 9 Years Ago
9 Years Ago
When i do that it looks as if a kid wrote it lols i have memory issues and words that i should know .. read moreWhen i do that it looks as if a kid wrote it lols i have memory issues and words that i should know i forget so i look at words online alot of the time when writing a poem this is actually the only one of the three i did so on here
9 Years Ago
Hmm? I suppose that could be a problem huh? :) Well, I wish you luck with the memory problems but .. read moreHmm? I suppose that could be a problem huh? :) Well, I wish you luck with the memory problems but its good to see you writing and working through it.
9 Years Ago
Ya...BTW i just edited one of my other two poems i felt as if it weren't done so i added to it
9 Years Ago
A professor of mine once told me, writing is never finished, its abandoned. Revising and adding is f.. read moreA professor of mine once told me, writing is never finished, its abandoned. Revising and adding is fine. I'm going to do that myself.
9 Years Ago
Ya well i never went to school for writing poetry haha i actually started with writing lyrics
9 Years Ago
I think I did too at one point. I stumbled onto another site (Booksie) and started writing poems the.. read moreI think I did too at one point. I stumbled onto another site (Booksie) and started writing poems there. Then I joined here.
Funny thing is i felt like one of those people who grew up with a bit of a talent that wasn't family.. read moreFunny thing is i felt like one of those people who grew up with a bit of a talent that wasn't family related until one day my parents told me my Grandma wrote poems. When the whole time i thought she only wrote stories which my Brother took up on. I felt the whole time i wasn't really apart of the family but then again i was a teen at the time and alot of teens feel like that.
9 Years Ago
Yes, I'm sure they do. Its funny how things tend to happen through a bloodline without our realizing.. read moreYes, I'm sure they do. Its funny how things tend to happen through a bloodline without our realizing it.
"Frightened i am, unspoken words sealed shut
Loss of love, when love knows no lust "
You expressed your views very boldly and were able to convey the message clearly.
Good work!
Maumil
Posted 9 Years Ago
9 Years Ago
Thank you i got pretty darn inspired that day an i believe this is the best I've written yet I'm try.. read moreThank you i got pretty darn inspired that day an i believe this is the best I've written yet I'm trying to do better each time
(I HAVE A KIK ACCOUNT IF YOU WANT ASK ME FIRST CAUSE WHEN I SEE SOME RANDOM GUY I BLOCK THEM OTHERWISE I ONLY TALK TO GIRLS ON KIK)I'm still pretty much new to writing poems though I've been basically.. more..