(Itai)

Hurt. It's how I was feeling at the time, I was just pouring words out. Not really thinking about it much.

Please No CSS

I'm hurt.

Simply said, not too complicated,

it's just that,

I'm hurt.

 

Whatever I do and say, I just can't get out from the way I feel.

 

I feel alone.

 

My words, useless;

My actions, shot down.

 

It surprises me how you can do this.

It surprises me how I can't just

brush it off like everything else;

 

How your words

and your actions,

no matter how small and insignificant they are,

no matter how much I try not to care,

are like bullets ripping through my heart,

squeezing my lungs

and crushing my mind;

 

How no matter how hard I try,

tears begin to form,

my breath becomes short,

and I curl up into a ball on my bed weeping;

pleading with whoever hears me

to make the pain subside.

 

It hurts to say that I've cried over you too many times

and that I would do it over again if I had to;

that even after all you've put me through

I can't just throw in my towel

and tell you that I hate you,

because I don't;

 

Because I can't

 

You shoot me down,

then you pick me up again,

you shoot me down,

then pick me up again.

It's all too familiar to me now.

You take me on this emotional roller coaster ride,

through this labyrinth of feelings torn between love and hate.

 

Although hate is something I don't have.

 

I wish I could hate you.

I wish I could hate you.

I wish I could

I wish I could

I wish I could.

 

But I don't.

 

I can't.

 

Author's Note

I don't know, I just started writing it down because I needed to calm down. I needed to...well, vent.

Reviews

[emmajoy]

Tis good to vent, to scream, punch a pillow, etc, etc, and if you can't express the feelings like those above to someone else, to share them by dilution ... then, writing is great and wonderful... you can even delete and begin again, or, somehow censure your own emotions.

I know, 'been/am sad and wretched tho' in a different way, and in the end, love remains even if it rides alongiside self-disenchantment, guilt or whatever.. it takes two to love and two to lose that love.

These are good words, words to be proud of: ' and tell you that I hate you, because I don't; Because I can't'

Take heart, be brave... smile.. give yourself a hug.

[Japanese Cherry]

you did a wonderful job for venting. you put your heart into this and that is wat made it even more beautiful. at least you know a healthy way to release your stress... and i give a thumbs up for that. fantastic job.

[VinoVenitas]

wow this was really cool, kind of reminds me of my own work and mindstate at times. I hope this feeling has subsided and everything is all rainbows and sunshine for you now. But this was REALLY well written ... Im gonna try to read the rest of your work as well

[YouoweYoupay]

So sad...so beautiful...I cried as I reached the end of it. Ur writing is...sugoi. I enjoyed it with all the strong emotions and colors it contains.

[jumbie's #1 fan]

i know i reviewed this already, but i really understand this now. i wish i could have been there for you instead of unknowingly made it worse. i love you darling. You (and i both) deserve someone who will treat us the way we deserve, which will be a thousand times better than we've been treated. you are amazing, beautiful, and loved.

[Freedom]

this has such a flow to it..like, i wanna read it at a poetry night somewhere at some club in western oregon. It's very sad..and what gandre said..i agree with entirely. actually, i believe you and i have had numerous conversations on the subject.

[Time Lapse]

It's all too familiar to me now.


Wow. I really like this. It has a Raw emotional feel that is translated extremely well. Well executed.

-Andrew

[jumbie's #1 fan]

This is really good Jackie, itai, itai...ow. A lot of people could relate to this. Beautifully written

[Sweetest Sin]

This poem is wonderfully written, I can feel your frustration, anger, and the depth of your pain through your writing. I like the poem and I am glad you shared it. Thank you.

[Gandré]

This writing was so touching for I can see the pain, the naked faint. One need to go deep inside and find out that he or she is the one who is empovering the other person to play pille palle how we in Germany say. If you don't allow "him" to hurt you, he won't ... he can't. It is simple. You are the ruler always. We can have what i offering itself. Not that what we desire. You need to state an ultimative modus for you, like an equation and write down: what is good what is bad, when there is no harmony what do I have of all this pain what for.... all that. We learn this with life, to understand the layers of our personality and deal with our wekaness. But, if you learn now, you win. Someone who picks up a person/lover just when he is 'bored' and then puts aside when another plaything ....is not the one who should get your heart. I know, it's easy to say. Young girls are beautiful flowers and there is no room for any brutality, any cruelness, not a verbal, not in the acting nor in any kind of fantasy. He - even a 'god himself' has to go on kness for your loving and prove his loyality. Then you would strenghthen yourself and weaken him and then he can clearly see all of your beautiful attributes. Lovely and loving write. thx also for both of your reviews, sweetie.