Damaged Data

Poem I wrote about myself on why I couldn't react on feelings and reactions like others and why sometimes it felt like what I should be feeling and deep down could recognize it; but not feeling it.

I look at the wires hooked up to me

As I stare at the monitor

I feel these feelings

Yet..

They do not run through my body

The feelings are there

But the sensations of those feelings are not

 

This doesn’t make sense

I was able to

Long ago feel this effect

Yet I can not now

 

Searching through the records

I start to see the reasons why

Why this data is trapped

Where I can see it

Where I can almost touch it

But still out of reach

 

This data is damage

Ruin from past interaction

One interaction like an over serge of feelings

Now nothing more then deaden nerves

 

I try furiously to break the code

To this data that has now been locked up

Locked up due to the corrupted data

 

Yet sadly I can’t

I scream

I cry

Yet the feeling

Doesn’t travel through my body

As if my body as become numb

Half alive

 

Yet slowly there is progress

To rebuild

Or

To regain

This lost data

 

I am nothing more then a damage equipment

Waiting to be fixed up

Waiting to be brought to life

 

I hate feeling this

Half alive

With damage nerves

 

I will smile

I will laugh

I will show emotions

Yet they do not flow through my body

Like a feeling that’s hard to describe.

 

For now I sit and stare

Looking at the data

That I can’t fully access

As I try to reach it myself

Don’t know how long it will be

Till its mine again

But the damage of the past

Has locked this data away

I can’t tell if it’s corrupt

Or still functioning

 

Trapped data

Lack of self

When will these feelings

Be fully mine again?

Author's Note

I just wrote this out of thoughts and feelings...