Please, Stars of Mercy

Just an experience of mine put into words. :)

“I stare into the eyes of the one I love and feel a chilling wave of sorrow rush into my chest similarly to the way the waves rush into the nooks and crannies of the rocks they throw themselves upon wishing for mercy from the turbulent sea. I look down at myself and my heart beats a bit faster, this change in pace spurred on by fear. What I am fearful of? Time. Death. Mortality.

As I sit under the cool sky in the arms I trust and lay near the ear I whisper my darkest secrets to, my eyes begin to blur as I feel these waves of sorrow flowing into their nooks and crannies, ultimately spilling out from my own two eyes. I brought this onto myself by exploring thoughts I knew not to prod. But my own fear of the unknown spurred me into this equally scary realm. I reflect on the mortality of this moment; I remind myself that this warm lovely moment I have, cuddling under the chin of my love, will never occur exactly here, like this, at this time ever again. I will never experience this exact point in my life for as long as the stars above me live, die and spark up again once more. That thought alone brings me to tears as I lay.

He asks me what’s wrong and I tell him I simply love him too much. He just smiles at me. One day his beautiful smile will merely become a part of the Earth along with the rest of him as I’ve come to love.

More tears wet my cheeks and I stare upwards at the sky. I know this moment is so insignificant in the eyes of the universe - yet the universe is so insignificant in the eyes of me as I concern myself with the weight of my own emotions and my own turmoils. Thousands of stars perished in that one moment and I did not bat an eye at them for they are without my mercy; I am only concerned with those immediately important to me. For these moments with the one I love are the ones who collect my tears, not the stars, nor the moons or the planets surrounding us. As these moments die and give birth to a completely new experience, a new emotion, a new place, I still find myself grieving over the ones that have passed away as I will miss them.

Sometimes I wonder if maybe once my body turns to dirt and dirt to green and green to rock and rock to star, my scattered atoms will meet again one day in the vast universe we claim false ownership to. If time is truly endless as we believe it to be, it is certain that this will happen once, twice and a million times over as long as our reality is in existence, right? I hope one day, long after we lay our bodies on the ground for a final rest, me and my love will meet again as our very own particles, the ones that we borrowed to begin with, will meet again by mere random chance as the endlessness of time itself promises me so..

Even as I am bombarded with new experiences and growth, sometimes I will look back a shed a melancholy tear. I shouldn’t, I am so young, I have so much ahead of me and so much to concern myself with but I know, in the back of my mind, one day, all I will be able to do is to look back and grieve as the only thing ahead of me in the motherly, dark embrace of the universe I mercilessly shunned so long ago… I hope it has mercy on me.”

Author's Note

This is my first time publishing any of my writing online, this is quite personal to me. I would love some critique and reviews, please. :)

Reviews

[Elizabeth]

wow, this was really amazing! the flow of the story was quiet good, and it was very well penned
great read