Proem: Moonlight

the prologue

 

            The moonlight spilled through the breaks in the tree canopy onto the rough forest floor. Though it was a full moon there was barely enough light to see by as a shadow made its way between tree, avoiding the telltale patches of moonlight. Although this shadow was armed and swathed in thick chain mail, not a single metallic giveaway broke the unnatural silence that gripped the forest. There was something wrong here, Michael had lived in the forest for his entire life, just as his father before him and all of his ancestors as long as his people had lived in this strange country. In all the memories of the forest guardians there was no memory of a night like tonight. The forest was a sacred place, it had spawned from the seed of the Covenant Tree. The task of protecting it was his duty and birthright, but until tonight that honor was merely a ceremonial position. Michael had never had to use the great sword at his side, no man ever dared enter the forest, the forest itself would never allow it even if Michael didn’t find them.

            Tonight no animals cried, no wind whistled, it seemed that even the creeks and streams and even the river had hushed themselves. Michael walked confidently through the semi-darkness, this was his home and tonight there was an intruder.

            A noise shattered the eerie  silence, a few splashes and some very human curses, Michael said a silent prayer and drew his great, black sword. He stalked his quarry faster than one would think possible without a great amount of noise and crashing. He found the intruder attempting to cross a smaller creek off the main branch of the river. The moon was behind a cloud so he could hardly see as he drew closer and prepared his attack. He gripped the hilt of his sword tightly as his father taught him, his legs automatically assumed the stance to charge and all of his instincts were screaming in elation at the chance to finally use his years of training. He had spent his entire life preparing for this night and he was not about to mess it up and disgrace himself and his ancestors.

            He charged when the moon cleared the clouds and flooded the clearing around the creek with it’s light. His guttural cry filled the noiseless void with a blood chilling force. His quarry turned and what he saw stopped his charge right where he stood. This couldn’t be!

 

“Who are you” He demanded in disbelief, it couldn’t be …

 

“My name is Kaila….”

 

The great sword clattered on the rocky creek shore as it’s wielder fell to his knees in what was a great effort not to faint outright. The forest spun around him and the moonlight was unbearable to his weakened state… This couldn’t be.

Reviews

[Doug]

i greatly enjoyed the imagery as stated below. this has a lot of potential, depending on where you want to take the plot line. i would, however, recomend that you cut down on your pronoun use. it slows down the story a lot and gives the flow a "he he he he" feel. i don't know. its just one persons opinion, but thats what i would look at. its a good start! keep going. -doug-

[Kristin Brecoe]

wow. this was captivating. its so strong. your words were fantastic. whered did you find such descriptive words. amazing! the imagery was gorgeous. i cant wait to read more!!!

-kristin

ps- if you have time tonight, do you mind reading some of my stuff?

[Michael Raymond Robinso..]

Okay, I'm hooked...This was a very good intro to a story. It gave us a peek at a world of wonder, through a young man's eyes. I loved the hints about Michael..I want to see where he's going, where he's been. And Kaila? Who is she...Again a great intro.
Few mistakes, nothing that stopped me or ruined the flow for me...One that stumble me slightly is:

"Though it was a full moon there was barely enough light to see by as a shadow made its way between tree, avoiding the telltale patches of moonlight."

you have: between tree, should be between trees..

[R. Thomas Dinsmore]

Great imagery , Is there more as I would love to read more? Sounds like the begingin of a great stoy.