Three 'Great' Men

I basically put a story to a quote I read in a book, A Clash of Kings by George RR Martin. It was the quote about Three Great Men all ordering a sellsword to kill the other two.

“In a room sit three great men, a king, a priest, and a rich man with his gold. Between them a sell-sword stands, a little man of common birth and no great mind. Each of the great ones bids him slay the other two. 'Do it,' says the king, 'for I am your lawful ruler.' 'Do it,' says the priest, 'for I command you in the names of the gods.' 'Do it,' says the rich man, 'and all this gold shall be yours.' So tell me- who lives and who dies?” -Quote from A Clash of Kings by George RR Martin.

 

       “Kill the other two for I am your king, the law of the land and nothing is above the law.”

“Kill them!” says the rich man “I have all the money in the world and I will make you rich beyond your wildest dreams!” 

“Money is the root of all evil, my child do not listen to him. Kill the other two for I speak for the Gods and I tell you, you will forever live in the land of salvation if you do.”

Between them all stands a man of no noble birth with a blade in his hand. He is a simple man who has lived a simple life. How this man came to be in this situation, well no one truly knows. The only thing that matters is that he has found himself in this predicament. The man gives the great men an inquisitive look. The three great men give the simple man a hard stare.

“The law demands this of you and I believe you are a law abiding man. Law is what governs and controls us all,” says the king! “DO IT! NOW!” 

The law?” scoffs the rich man. “The law can be bought. Greed lies at the heart of every man, and I believe this man knows with money comes power. I can give you all the money in the world if only you just slay these two men.” 

“You think money is above God?” asks the priest in a surprised voice. “Money does not rule the Gods. The Gods are above all, it is the Gods who gave you the power to rule as well as all this money you have at your disposal” Turning to the simple man, “The Gods favor you as they favor me, kill these two heretics and you shall bask in the glory of God and live forever. For you will find salvation in me.” 

      The man stares at the ground as if in deep thought. He raises the blade and points the tip at each one of the great men. He lowers the blade and looks to the sky and cries out “WHY!” As if cursing the forces that brought him to this predicament. Taking a long and deep breathe, he looks at the ruler and says, “the law is the law and yes it holds power over man. But men give the law power. On its own, it is but scrawls on a piece of paper.” He then turns to the rich man and says “Money, why yes, money is power. With it I can write my own law on a new piece of paper. Buy everything I have ever wanted! But again, it is the people who give money power. What if tomorrow when I wake, money is no longer the currency of the world or it is no longer valued by the people? Money means nothing to me.” He turns to the priest, smirks, and says “Oh how could I ever disobey the Gods. The all-powerful and all knowing Gods. I am but a simple man and I could never possibly comprehend the powers at work above us. However, I do understand one thing about the Gods. This saving power you speak of comes from the people. If one day the people no longer follow or believe in your God, then your God is powerless.” The man raises the blade, looks at all three men, and says. “Power comes from the people who have the ability to act. Many of us simple men put power into the hands of ‘greater men’ who control us, telling us right from wrong, when to kill, and who to kill. Right now you three ‘great men’ claim to have all the power but my hand and this blade is the true power. Like I have said before your power comes from the people.” The simple man approaches the three great men and in a whisper says “from me”.

The king lies motionless, his royal clothing stained red as if he had only just recently spilled wine. His crown lay beside him, bloody and chipped from when it hit the ground.

The rich man lay on his front in a pool of his own blood. His arm outstretched, reaching for the sack of money he once carried. The sack has been split open and the gold coins strewn about.

The Priest lies on his back with empty eyes staring into the sky still searching for the God he spoke so highly of. His lips are contorted into a grimace as if cursing the God that had forsaken him.

The simple man walks off, blade stained red with the blood of ‘great men’. He returns to his simple life, no more nor less of a man than he was once before. He just is...-end

Author's Note

I don't think I'm that great of a writer so please, any constructive criticism would be much appreciated =)

Reviews

[Celeste]

Hey! This was actually an interesting read. I love how you were able to form a story just from a quote. You have a few grammatical errors in this piece, but just read through it one more time or use a spell-checker so you can edit them.

I think this is just a pet peeve of mine, but I suggest breaking up your text into paragraphs so your writing doesn't look too cluttered. Especially with the dialogues, you should break them up. Something like this:

“The law demands this of you and I believe you are a law abiding man. Law is what governs and controls us all” says the king. “DO IT! NOW!”

"The law?” scoffs the rich man. “The law can be bought. Greed lies at the heart of every man, and I believe this man knows with money comes power. I can give you all the money in the world if only you just slay these two men.”

“You think money is above God?” asks the priest in a surprised voice. “Money does not rule the Gods. The Gods are above all, it is the Gods who gave you the power to rule as well as all this money you have at your disposal”

^Something as simple as that can make your writing seem so much more!

Overall, I enjoyed this. Great job.

Keep writing!

[Doxophobia]

It was very neat, to see the torture of this young man and what he had to deal with. It is a very well written story, with very well written words. There are a few grammatical errors as well as spelling errors, but we are all human and not "great men."

[Reform69]

=) and damm haha I was so sure I got rid of those mistakes lol

[Alrick]

comments on errors first then praise (easier so then i can praise the whole thing but also write the errors as i see them)
there needs to be a quotation mark before "the law?" 7th paragraph
period after "disposal" 8th paragraph is suggested

that's all i found! :D

Great story, i love the conundrum the simple man faces, and especially love the social commentary of the whole thing! The power derived from the people, for the people. the people's ability to do what they desire even though others claim to have power over them, when in reality people are completely equal and no one person rules over another. I love this piece more than i usually do any short story, though i can like short stories quite a bit, this one just grabbed me right from the start and instead of just holding me where i was in its grasp, the story reeled me in and pulled me closer to it, wanting to read more and more. Not quickly though, as not to miss something important, but that's good :)

i absolutely love it, you're amazingly talented and if you ever stop writing it'd be a sad day!

[Falling Leaf.]

I love it; it is an interesting, unique tale that doesn't drag. The only thing that confused is that after the quote, when you began the story, you started in past tense, and then continued in present tense. Maybe it was supposed to be that way, I don't know, but it confused me. Just something to think about! Other than that, a lovely read!

Kindest regards and best of luck,
Savannah

[Reform69]

Thank You =)