Chapter 6: PIT

“We're back!” Charlie looked as though he'd just been sweeping chimneys for days on end, but his hands were washed, mostly clean, and carrying a box. Sarah looked much the same, and she placed hers down in the living room.

Charlie placed his in Nicole's lap. “Take a look inside. There's plenty more where that came from. Any chance of your friend waking up to help us?”

Nicole looked into the box. “My laptop! No way!” She held it close to her like a dear friend. “Old faithful, you've come back to me! Thank you Charlie, Sarah.” The two beamed proudly. She placed her computer on the coffee table and looked over at the sleeping form. “As for Pen, until he wakes up on his own I don't think he'd be of much use.”

Pen's eyelids flickered. “Hm? Use for what exactly?” Charlie patted him on the shoulder. “Oh look, he's awake! Pen, can you help bring in Nicole's stuff with us?” The mad scientist let out a yawning stretch and sat up. “Yes Charlie, I can, and I shall. But first-” he walked over to the doughnuts and stuffed one into his mouth, “I'm hungry,” he muffled, accidentally spitting out puffs of powdered sugar onto himself. He stuffed a second one into his mouth with a hum of delight and choked it down. Nicole patted him on the back. “Whoa there tiger. Careful.” Sarah poured him a cup of steaming black coffee and handed it over.

The spaceman pressed it to his lips and then violently spit it out, mouth twisted in disgust. “Eaugh! What is that caustic calamity?!” Sarah's mouth dropped and she looked as though she were about to cry. “It- it- it's just-- I'm so sorry!” She hurried to grab a napkin and handed it to him, then got to work on cleaning up the mess. Pen stuck out his tongue and licked the napkin fervently. “It's so bitter! Why would anyone drink something like that??”

Charlie cracked up. “You said it brother. Let me get you a soda.” Nicole rolled her eyes and fetched a glass. “He just needs water.” Pen guzzled down the water with a happy sigh. “Better. Now, that favor you asked of me, what would you like my help with?”

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The four walked up and down the stairs for quite some time until the living room was filled nearly to the brim with boxes. They all sat down on the couch, catching their breaths. Nicole laughed out of anxiety. “Wow, what am I gonna do with all of this stuff? I can't believe how much has survived.” Sarah waved a dainty little hand with a blossoming smile. “You could always be my new room mate, keep your stuff here.”

Pen got up and walked behind the couch as he pulled out his PIT device and opened it. A blue light emitted from the delicate machinery inside. He brushed a finger on it and a holographic screen of about ten by ten inches emerged. The three others halted their activity to watch in curiosity. Nicole gasped, standing up. “Pen! Put that thing away!”

The mad scientist cradled his device close to himself, similarly to how Nicole had with old faithful. He gave it a little kiss. “This 'thing' saved our lives yesterday! Apologize, immediately!” Charlie rose a brow, sneering at Pen. “What is it?” Sarah subdued a mewl behind her hand in fear, hiding behind Charlie.

Nicole snorted. “What? Okay, fine. I'm sorry Pen. I just meant-” Pen held up his hand. “Not to me! You wouldn't want her to think that you're ungrateful, would you?” Nicole burst into laughter, causing Pen to glower. She swallowed the amusement, nodding in forced seriousness. “No, no I wouldn't. So, it's a she?”

“A she, yes.” Pen stroked his PIT device kindly. Nicole licked her lips. “Okay. PIT, I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. I just thought you might want a little privacy rather than your parts being shown to everyone.” The madman raised his brows in realization and turned around, now hiding her from view. “I'm sorry baby girl, I didn't think of that. I'm so sorry. No, no one is allowed to see your insides but me.”

Charlie again mouthed “okaaaaay," more pronounced than the night before. The shy blond whimpered, biting at her nails. Nicole gave Sarah a hug and she curled up against her for shelter. “Just let him have his privacy.”

Pen uploaded coordinates, bringing up a three dimensional map that zoomed out until their location was merely a speck in the Milky Way galaxy. “Seven! Of course! Ohh seven. How elementary a mistake! Well, I should forgive myself; I was being attacked at the time and it was so distracting.” Charlie attempted to peek over his shoulder but was simply too short, so he came in from the side, watching with narrowed eyes. “Seven? Seven what? Attacked by whom? Hey, is that the Milky Way?”

The madman turned his head to face Charlie. “Speaking of distracting. Do you wake up every morning chanting a personal mantra, 'I'm going to be as annoying as possible today'? Or is that just something you were born with? In which case my condolences.”

The redhead was taken aback. “No! You're one to talk! I have no idea why Nicole defends you! You're rude and thankless and-- I bought those doughnuts you devoured! You're welcome!” Pen puckered his lips and looked up at the ceiling with pondering eyes before facing him again. “You know what? Those were delicious by the way; thank you.” Pen brushed past Charlie and continued his work while pacing up and down the hallway. Charlie's hands balled into fists as he made the angry leprechaun face. “Seriously Nicole? Why??”

The dark haired woman hushed Charlie. “He has a point. You are annoying. Usually you take pride in that fact.” Charlie stomped his feet. “But this is different!” Nicole ignored Charlie and followed Pen into the hall. “What are you doing?”

“I've just finished checking my coordinates, seeing where I miscalculated. It's not the PIT's fault I was taken so far off course; it took me exactly where I told it to.”

“Which was my bedroom?” Nicole snickered.

Pen ignored her laughter. “Yes, it was your bedroom, thankfully. There was an overwhelming possibility I would have been killed. According to all likelihood, I should have died, and yet, of all the places I could have ended up, it was here with you, on a planet populated by the most peculiar aliens I have ever met.”

“Tell me about it," Nicole chuckled. “It sounds like a really strange coincidence when you put it that way.”

His face mused. “A really very strange coincidence, yes.” He looked as though he were pondering strongly until something new flew into his head. “Anyhow, I've had some time to think on the status of my collar that, as you have pointed out, is very annoying.” Pen stopped in front of her and closed the PIT. She winced. “No, I didn't mean anything by that.”

The spaceman rose a brow, looking down at her. “Don't be stupid; of course you did.” Nicole pressed her lips together and narrowed her eyes, but Pen continued, unfazed. “No, I pondered it, and even though it's been on me so long I'd nearly forgotten it existed, now I find myself also thinking it's annoying. The signal is grating to my ears.”

“Oh, you poor thing. I didn't mean to make it worse.” Nicole reached out to pat his shoulder, but he deftly avoided her and began pacing about in front of couch in the living room, causing the blond to hide behind the shorter redhead once again. He wiggled a finger into his collar and began to scratch the tender skin underneath. “I'm not even going to mention the itchiness. So I've come to a conclusion; I'm going to figure out a way to get it off. Sure, it may kill me, but-”

“Wait, kill you?” Nicole intersected him and pinned him by the shoulders to the couch. He looked up at her with all sincerity. “Yes, kill me. If improperly disabled, this collar will send a massive shock into my body and fry my brain.”

Charlie scratched his bearded chin. “Who put it on you in the first place?” His question was ignored.

“But you know how to disable it properly. Right?” Nicole nodded slowly, encouragingly. Pen began to nod with her and then he shook his head. “No. I don't even have the right tools to do so here on Earth.”

Charlie snorted. “Here on Earth. As opposed to some other sentient life containing planet?” The madman sighed patiently. “Obviously.” Sarah squealed, her hands shielding her mouth. “I just can't take it! Is it really all true??” The Irish man's brows lowered in suspicion. “Is what all true? What's going on here?!”

Nicole shushed her friends. “What kind of tools do you need? Maybe we can find something equivalent here on Earth.” Pen gently pushed Nicole aside and began pacing the living room again. “I highly doubt you'd have a sonic transistor key generator.” Nicole followed like a shadow. “A what?”

“Never mind,” he exhaled in growing exasperation. Nicole got in front of him and put her hands on her hips. “No, not 'never mind'. What does it do? Maybe we have something similar that's just called something different.”

“I'd explain it if I thought your kind might, but I really don't think you do.” Nicole tapped her foot expectantly. Pen cleared his throat. “Well, if you put it that way, but it won't make a bit of difference mind you. We're just wasting time.” Nicole stood firm. “Just entertain me.”

Pen conceded. “Essentially, I need a piece of piracy equipment that can generate the specific and complex soundwave that unlocks the collar. There are well over a billion possible combinations, so it needs to be designed to handle that. Otherwise I could spend a lifetime guessing how to get this thing off. That's why I'm going to my original intended destination, New Holborgon.”

Nicole grabbed his arm, turning him to face her. “You're going to leave Earth? So soon?”

“Yes?" Pen replied, sounding less certain. She tightened her grip, staring up at him determinedly with her wild green eyes. “Then I'm coming with you.”

“Let me get this straight. You want to be near me? I nearly got you killed when that alien hitched a ride with me. I blew up your house! You do understand that being around me is dangerous, even more so once I return to my galaxy, don't you?”

“All the more reason I'm coming with you. You'll need a friend," Nicole reassured.

Charlie's hands waved and he signaled a time-out. “Wait a minute! Wait just one G.D. minute! Leave Earth? Will someone PLEASE JUST TELL ME WHAT'S BEEN GOING ON?!” Sarah clapped her hands over her ears with a squeak.

Pen gave Charlie a disapproving stare. “While escaping from chameleon flatworms I accidentally teleported into Nicole's home on Earth, an unmapped planet in an unexplored galaxy far away, and yet somehow our species are near identical so far as I can tell, and Nicole thought I broke in so she cuffed me to the bed, but one of the flatworms teleported with me without my knowing, killed the power, nearly killed us, but I used my PIT device's recharger to sap its energy, causing it to implode, except it exploded then imploded, causing Nicole's house to blow up, then we went to the hospital, had pizza, I had a nice sleep and doughnuts, then we brought up Nicole's stuff, I figured out where I am, recalculated coordinates, and now I'm going to one of the colonies to get this collar off. So if you don't mind...”

Charlie stood there, completely flabbergasted. “But, but... What? That would mean you're some sort of alien? Or something. That's absurd. Nicole! This man is completely mad! Don't tell me you believe him!” He inserted himself between the two, glaring mistrustfully at the spaceman.

Sarah grabbed onto Charlie, pulling at him. “Nicole saw it with her own two eyes! This thing almost ate her but Pen saved her life!”

Pen closed his eyes while clenching his jaw. The jabbering humans were touching him and in his space and the atmosphere of chaos was starting to get on his nerves. “This is getting nowhere.” He pushed them all away and commanded his PIT device to take him to his destination. “To New Holborgon, now! Goodbye! Thanks for the doughnuts!”

“No!” Nicole scrambled to grab him and Charlie went to stop her, and poor Sarah was dragged with him.