Virginia Tech

After the Virginia Tech incident, i wrote this piece on the pressures of society on the adolescent mind, tell me what you think about it

 

A student sitting down
In a cold, metal box
Hands on the table
Starring into his reflection
His own face is
Unfamiliar to him
Head is still fuzzy
With the voices so loud
Ringing in his head
Saying nothing
Not a word
A snake curled
Around his brain
Makes him recall
What he did
Confused and frustrated
He remembers the
Space in his closet
Where he would be
And share his thoughts
With the walls
When no one else would listen
Until the point
When it wasn’t enough
When the world
Closed in around him
And just like that
32 dead
At the tips of his fingers
With everyone else
To suffer but him
And then here he is
Hated by a nation
And 32 families
And the serpent
That has his mind
In a deadlock
Turns out to be us
Who ridiculed him
Taunting him because
He was different
Pushed him to insanity
And inhumanity
He pulled the trigger
But we cocked the gun
And once he is gone,
Who will we blame,
The president?
Or the government?
Or the people around us?
Until only we are left
And the truth of our sin
Comes into the light
When it is too late
To do anything about it

Reviews

[Kaleb Parker]

nice poem but yea i agree wit saf. it seem as if u tried to hard to rhyme but all in all it was a good poem

[Made In Dna]

Catchy. =) I respectfully disagree with Saf. I thought it sounded great. Made me smile.

Made in DNA

[Saf]

at some points, you were trying to hard to rhyme. i like it though. it's just that some of the rhymes were a little awkward and it kind of took away from the mood of the poem. it reminds me of what a soldier might have thought before a battle during the revolutionary war. good job.