Love vs Luv

Love vs Luv is there really a difference

Oh what a mess...... I must express via Hupages a pen and this paper. For it's been so long......no more sad songs, to my emotions I'm held prisoner for my ego could not contend with her..

Never knew that something so twisted existed, Luv (luring unwanted victims)--- L-O-V-E what's the difference? as far as I could recall, there wasn't any to me, cause whenever I said it, it was nothing more than a line in a movie,***starring***.... Yours Truly. My choice of words were always carefully chosen and at my convenience did as I chose, could care less who opposed! A male here a female there...I was addictive.... like a pill, with looks to kill, the gift of gab! I blame that on mom and dad. For even though he wasn't there for me, I represented his existence and who he was to a tee.... come to think of it, to be quite frank----that scared the s**t out of me! You ask, how do I know who he was even though he was never there? I am his child, and through my veins runs blood that reigns as well as does wonders for my brain. I am in tune never mind the dunce performance, I would rather fall prey to my inheritance (genes) than exercise the energies to have a clear conscious. So I walk in another mans shoes even though sometimes I try to break his rules. Rules he laid out for me, born as restitution/payment for sins made by this alien.... a stranger, no where to be found but he has put my life in danger. Being dumb and ignorant I chose to carry his cross, talked the talk and confidently walked the walk for a man with no worth.

It was either my way or the highway, didn't matter who was involved. Just remember it wasn't me but you who made the call. Can I change these rules? They seem to be edged in stone, Is it really meant for me to walk this road all alone? Even after all that Luv......well there were times that true love was evident, but the spirit I possessed rejected it at its mere presence. Now proving to be the ultimate jerk, I couldn't figure out if what I possessed was a blessing or a curse.But of course I knew it was opportunity, no matter what I did in the end they were always there for me. So I drank from the well until the well ran dry, wouldn't allow intelligence or my conscious to do otherwise. I blamed it on the rain, it's not my fault, you are a fool! I fooled you once, came back and fooled you twice, so now you must pay the ultimate price. I Lived and embraced that rule faithfully, like me, it was your responsibility to know the enemy. Looking back, I was just dumb, it is said when you cant tell the difference between a friend or foe.... you're done!

But this story is in no way over, cause here comes the turner, little did I know that I was a game for the "order" and the order I'll refer to as Love. Had it either way, could follow in his footsteps or make my own pathway. Yeah I know, I realized this too late, I made bad choices through anger and disdained hate. So as I walked down the road not knowing Love was waiting for me, with a shrewd and crude game to end this trifling destiny. There she stood a sight like none other, tall, statuesque like she got it all from her mama. This could not be, and in a trance I stood still as she walked towards me. Immediately my heart melted, Love at first sight at this point was an understatement. Is this a trap, I fell victim to that which I hated. Her presence and beauty totally engulfed me and from that day forward, no one else existed to me. It was always my pleasure to entertain her, protect and provide, no words could explain this feeling inside. If you can relate to the supernatural, then you would already know the unexplainable. So with all guards down I begin to live life, experiencing days of pure bliss and happiness. For the first time, it crossed my mind to start a family, deep down inside this woman truly made me happy. Not only was she smart, but was also very clever, didn't obtain any high degrees but amassed knowledge like non other, last but not least gave me supernatural pleasure. This all came natural to her, due to that I reverted back to a stage of innocence. Time stood still so that I could relive a needed chapter, to find a piece to complete a puzzle in the here after. But once it was found, the puzzle was complete. Closed up shop, left the puzzle on the table making me confident that this was no longer a fable.

Possession and obsessions began to plague me. No one had ever gotten the best of me, but this woman was indeed no human because she brought out the best and worst in me. Anger and rage I dare not stage, for I was in Love and for the first time learned to control my rage. There were times I did want to get physical, but what would it have proven? I would have only been miserable from my actions, and when I got to thinking, couldnt exist if she left me for my actions. So I continued to Love only in time to find out I had met a Karmatic Angel. Fell victim, to the same actions I once upon a time administered. Only this time I was receiving, on a few occassions cried my self to sleep reminiscing. On all that I experienced with this woman, the pain only subsided the minute my eyes closed placing my soul in rest mode.

Here I stand face to face with Love. Is it true all that you do, just to do you? Yes I was selfish, self centered, deceptive, manipulative and yes childish. Thought my little game was cute, Gods gift to suite those I accommodated at convenience only if Luv was permitted. Luv was my favorite pass time, and because of that you're (Loves) no friend of mine. From loves vicious vindetta I severly paid for my sins as well as my fathers. Love holds no prisoners never to forget Loves Power.

Vonda G. Nelson