There are very few who are straight - they show a different face to different people (who hasn't laughed too heartily at a boss's joke in front of a spouse/partner only to have them look as if they don't know who you are?) but then there are those who take it to a whole other level.
This needed to be said. It was said. I hope it did you good ReedWrite. It felt good to read.
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
Thank you, Tony.
I'm not sure if felt good to write...but you're right...it needs to be said... read moreThank you, Tony.
I'm not sure if felt good to write...but you're right...it needs to be said. Unfortunately, those that need to see it, probably wouldn't recognize it pertained to them. Thank you for reading and commenting. Appreciate it.
'One Face Too Many'
ReedWrite,
The whole poem was really good. This gave a real picture of the impossibility of measuring up to a false identity. From your above emotional images of underlying pain coming out or the real person apparent behind closed doors it was a painful and stressful person unable to keep the mask in place. To me that is. Blessings,
Kathy
It is rough, but unfortunately I believe so true. I know of some, I wish to say not many, who wear one face that they present on the outside yet they boil in the turmoil of their real selves that hide their hidden prejudice and bigotry. Many so "called Christians" who wear their religion on their sleeves when they should be wearing and practicing it in their hearts! Sorry - I went on a rant.
So,,,,strong,,excellent writing.I dont think it needs anything,,,,Love it
Posted 7 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
7 Years Ago
Thank you, Sas! That means a lot, coming from you. I appreciate you taking the time to read and comm.. read moreThank you, Sas! That means a lot, coming from you. I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment, more than you can know! :)
I thought this poem was creepy in a good way. I always try to be as honest as possible without being too blunt so it's interesting to peer into the mind of someone who is quite opposite.
I really did enjoy the first line, especially when you said, "ken doll face." It said a lot to me. Those words told me that this person is plastic, fake, and hollow. I kind of wish you had expanded on it because I thought the line was powerful enough. Expanding on it would make it more chilling like is this person's eyes like paper: thin, unreal, always concocting stories? Idk, that's just my opinion. I thought the next lines were just as beautiful.
This line, "You wear sainthood with such humility and grace" makes me think of a sinister preacher seeking to manipulate the masses in mind and spirit. It captures falsehood nicely.
I really like this line, "Shriek your obscenities, oh bird of prey." So emotional and intense.
I feel like the word "hammered" could be replaced with "stitched" or "glued" or "pasted" since you're talking about dolls and masks. You can have that word connect with the manufacture of dolls or masks.
In this line, "And with thirty bright coins you’re bought and sold," why did you write a specific number?
I also really like this line, "Scream your invectives, sharpen your blade./The façade crumbles…the demon rumbles." The first line is so intense and emotional again. They make me think of a monster. Saying, "the demon rumbles" makes me think this behavior is definitely habitual and a way of life for this person.
Interesting poem.
Thanks for posting! Have a great day!
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
Thank you so much for your in-depth review, Jazz. Quite insightful. I appreciate you taking time to .. read moreThank you so much for your in-depth review, Jazz. Quite insightful. I appreciate you taking time to read and comment.
There are very few who are straight - they show a different face to different people (who hasn't laughed too heartily at a boss's joke in front of a spouse/partner only to have them look as if they don't know who you are?) but then there are those who take it to a whole other level.
This needed to be said. It was said. I hope it did you good ReedWrite. It felt good to read.
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
Thank you, Tony.
I'm not sure if felt good to write...but you're right...it needs to be said... read moreThank you, Tony.
I'm not sure if felt good to write...but you're right...it needs to be said. Unfortunately, those that need to see it, probably wouldn't recognize it pertained to them. Thank you for reading and commenting. Appreciate it.
After a decade trapped by distractions, I'm pursuing my passion once again. I come from a military background...a Navy brat...and my father (now deceased) and brother, are both published writers...so .. more..