The Chase

This is really more of a snippet of a story I've been working on. The main character, Casey, runs into a little trouble while walking in the woods.

A branch snaps to my left and I take a quick step back. My heart racing as I try it hear past the sudden roaring in my ears. "Who's there," I say in a shaky voice.
I scan the bushes crowding the trail. The sound of branches rubbing against bark is my only response. I take a step forward, reaching for the flashlight in my pocket. My fingers, numb from the frosty wind whipping through the trees, fumble as i pull the flashlight from my pocket, the metal catching on the edge. i feel along the cold metal case, trying to find the little rubber button that will turn it on. My thumb catches the edge of the rubber and i mash the button down. there's a soft click and a blinding beam of light spears the bush in front of me. I close my eyes for a second to clear the red raze. Stupid LED lights, I think to myself. another snap sounds in the dark. my eyes flutter open, the light still to bright and i swing the beam from side to side trying to find the source of the snapping sound. I take a step towards the bush and a menacing growl fills the air. My stomach drops and I stumble back. The sound of bushes snapping and grating against the trees replaces the growl. I'm frozen. My body on lockdown when all I want to do is run. A pair of yellow eyes flash in the in the darkness and a scream rips out of me and I run. The trees blur as I race up up the trail.
The wind pulls at my hair, whipping in my face as my eyes tear from fear and the cold. A snarl fills the night and I sob, fear choking me as my tears freeze on my face. The frigid wind makes my lungs burn. A branch snags my jacket, ripping the sleeve and letting the frigid wind in.
I chance a glance behind me. all I see are yellow eyes glowing in the darkness. I whip around and try to push more speed from my tiring legs. I'm farther from the house than I thought. I race around a curve and a golden is barely visible through the dense branches of the trees.

something brushes against my leg. I stumble and loose my stride as white hot panic spears through my chest. Tears course down my cheeks, making everything around me blur and twist. The trees feel like they're closing in on me. I blink rapidly, trying to clear my vision enough to see the small path that leads to Gram's house. It has to be close. The wind and my panic make the tears come faster. I swipe at my eyes with my gloved hands. My vision finally clear enough to see a fallen tree ahead of me in the bouncing light of the flashlight. Relief courses through me. Not to much further I think to myself. My sneakers sink slightly in the soft ground. It gives me just enough traction to push ahead of the beast.

I swerve to the left and sail over the fallen tree that marks the path. My feet hit the spongy ground and i push myself even faster. the wind swallows my scream when I hear the sounds of bark being scraped by claws. Fear makes me turn and look behind me. It's still there. My stride falters again. yellow eyes glow brilliantly in the darkness and somehow seem closer than before. I dig deep and push myself towards the end of the path. The trees blur around me, becoming a never ending line of darkness that seem to close in on me. The opening to the path is ten feet in front of me and I can hear Gram's voice. She shouting my name, anxiety coloring her words. terror closes my throat. "I'm here Gram," I sob in a whisper.

I will not die here, I think to myself. I know that if the beast catches me, I won't live through it. I grit my teeth and try to push the fear aside. My body protesting being pushed this hard but I'm determined to make it to the safety of the light spilling on the back lawn.

The snarls and growls behind me get louder. My already tiring limbs cannot squeeze out anymore speed. The beast is close. I can feel the heat of his breath through my pant leg. I slow slightly and that's all the beast needs. Teeth clamp down on the leg of my pants and I can feel hot breath puff across my calf. I try to scream but It only comes out as a breathless croak. The beast give a hard pull and my feet slip in the pine needles blanketing the path. My arms pinwheel as my feet scramble to keep me upright. All i can see is the ground coming at me as i fall. The sound of my gram's voice screaming my name breaks through my growing hysteria. I shift my feet and they sink into the soft topsoil. The tips of my fingers brush the ground as I shoot up, like sprinter off the line, and race forward.

I break through the bushes. The light from the widows washing over me as teeth grab my other pant leg and break the skin of my ankle. Im jerked to the ground. I twist, landing on my side, as pain shoots, from my hip, through the rest of my body. I reach for the first thing I can find. The thorns of the rose bush pierce my palm. The beast tugs at my leg, twisting and pulling towards the dark woods that conceal half its black body. My pants shred as I try to pull myself father from the darkness. Teeth dig deeper into my leg and it takes all my strength not to scream. I lift my other foot and bring my heel down in an arch. My boot connects with something hard and I hear a whimper. The teeth locked on my leg let go. My leg throbs and stings where the frigid air touch my skin. I push my self away, scrambling across the damp grass. the creature still growling and whimpering behind me. I stumble to my feet and limp along the side of the house. The clap board siding scrapes my palm as i feel blood slip down into my sock. I scream, my terror too much to control now. My knees buckle and I slide down the side of the house.
Jason rockets around the corner to the house. His eyes wide and confused as he sees me collapse to the muddy ground under the kitchen window. I curl in on myself. Pressing my cheek to my knees as Jason kneels beside me. "Cassie," he says in a horse voice.
"It's still back there," I say, sobbing against my muddy knees.
"What's back there?" Jason says as he brushed my hair from my face. I can see my gram standing on the step. A hand pressed to her heart and the other over her mouth. She must have heard the creature snarl when I kicked it.
Jason lifts me and i whimper.

He runs to the stairs, ignoring Gram's fluttering hands. The pounding of his boots on the wooden boards sounds like buck shots. Warmth and wood smoke envelope me as Jason pushes the door open, barking orders as Gram pushes past him. I hear the door lock and Jason lays me on the rug in front of the fire.
Everything hurts as his hands run over my arms and legs. I wince when he touches my ankle and again when his hand slides over my hip. I turn my head and see Gram kneeling next to my shoulder.

"What was that Gram?" I ask as tears roll across my temple, into my hair. A hiccup escapes as I try to quell my panic and tears. Gram drapes a ancient yellow quilt over my chest. I shiver, adrenalin still coursing through my body. My eye bounce between her face and the window next to the front door. The wind is still howling outside, an i shiver again. I close my eyes and try to take a deep breath. Jason is taking to me but his words aren't registering. I'm too focused on gram and what might still be lurking outside.

"What did you see my girl?" Gram asks, breaking me out of my trance. She leans over me, her etched with concern.
"I don't know, Gram," I say in a horse whisper.
Her lavender skirt swishes as she moves to stoke the fire. The logs hiss and crackle. Sparks dance in the rising heat. warmth washed over me and I clutch the quilt closer. Gram leans over me again, her hands brushing my hair and face in tender sweeps.
I choke as tears fill my eyes. Gram shushes me, "what happened?" She asks.
I close my eyes and breathe deep. "It..,"
the back door slams and my eyes pop open as boots pound through the kitchen.
"It gone," Jason says, his voice too loud for the small space.

Author's Note

Please ignore any grammar or spelling mistakes. I promise you'll be able to break out the red pen at a later date. Let me know what you think. This is my first attempt at first person writing. I have a revised version I'm working on.
Thanks for reading.

Reviews

[ShadowHawk]

I like the plot and the character work, you can get into the feel of the surroundings. Your attention to detail is awesome. One thing I might suggest, is perhaps try to vary your references to yourself. Using "I" so much can seem a bit repetitive and cause the reader's interest to wan. For example, instead of saying things like "I turn around" when you have used the term I recently say something like "Turning, the sight astonishes (insert appropriate reaction of course) " to break up so many "I"'s

[Redzywitch]

Thank you. I agree, the "I"s are a little repetitive and I'll keep that in mind during the next draft.

[Sa5m]

Awesome story. Definitely interested in reading more of your work

[Redzywitch]

Thank you. I'm working on a revision and will post it soon.

[PurpleQuartz]

For a first attempt at first person writing this is amazing!!! I could really feel her fear! If this is your first attempt then I can only imagine what it will be like in the future. You'll be unstoppable.

[Redzywitch]

Thank you so much. That makes me feel like on the right path :)