The witch's can

A Story by Tarekrahil

A short story about a witch and a boy.

The witch’s can.

Denver’s stomach shrunk and droned. He wished that soon enough he would hit upon a toothsome piece of burger or a creamy slice of gateaux. Hunger has been his fatal enemy since the death of his parents three weeks ago.

It was on warm night last august, when a crook crept behind his parents and stabbed them to death. They were buying him a stripped bike for his twelfth birthday when they were murdered. Desperately, Denver sold the bike hoping that its price would fit a pullover and a pair of used gloves.

Hopeless to find any food, Denver decided to spend the night in an abandoned building.

As he stepped in through the Iron Gate, he heard aggressive purring. Suddenly out of a whole in the sand two cats bounded up, fighting for a piece of meat.

He ran at them, hoping to win the piece of meat with some kicks and bawls. However, the two cats stood up straight on their hind limbs and glared at Denver. Their eyes turned red and their black fur spiked up.

Denver collapsed to his back. He scrambled backwards on the flinty cement as the two cats strolled in heavy strides towards him. “Chew away...,” Denver cuffed the air with his hands.” I swear I can hurt you”. The two cats eyed each other then turned their heads once again towards Denver.

“The air is cold and the moon is bright

Ramsel will search for a servant

Even if it took her all the night.

The air is cold and the moon is bright

Ramsel will search for a servant

Even if it took her all the night.”

Denver seemed to fall under the spell. His bones felt lazy as if he had not slept for years.

Slowly, Denver got to his feet and ran into the dark building. The cats were still reciting the anthem, but with more vigor and soul. Sprinting up the stairs, he heard their pointy voices. His heart throbbed harder and his eyes went blurry.

He darted into a small apartment and tumbled over his face after dashing at a small barrel. Rapidly, He got to his feet and examined the place. As he walked carefully in the dark hallway, he ran the tips of his fingers over the wall to his right.

He wished that everything was just a dream. He knew that as soon as he finds a place to rest he would fall asleep and next morning he would have forgotten everything.

“May be its not real Denver, ‘he told himself as he recoiled on the floor of the toilet, under the water tub. “Do not worry. Just sleep.”

Next morning, he woke up and scrubbed the sweat at his forehead with the back of his sleeve. As he got to his feet, he laid a hand at his back and he walked out of the bathroom.

“Another wearisome day,” he said to himself as he looked from the living room window making sure that the talking cats were gone.

After rummaging through the apartment, Denver found a stony chunk of bread that he gobbled up.

As Denver got ready to leave, he found a Pepsi can standing in front of the bathroom’s door. Denver thought for a second. There was no Pepsi can earlier today; if so, he would have seen it or even tumble over it. “May be you couldn’t see it. May be you were dim witted as always.” Denver told himself as he bent to the ground and took a swift sip from the Pepsi can. It tasted sugary, even the soda had not faded away. Denver took another sip and then gulped up the whole Pepsi can in one swig. To his comfort, he felt much better now. This Pepsi would keep him walking until evening.

Careful not to tumble over any of the stones sprinkling the ground, Denver came to the squared gap at the wall, but he could not get out. A wooden door hindered his way.

Forcefully, he pulled, pushed and turned the golden doorknob. “Come on…” Denver rammed harder.

“You can’t open it.” A screechy voice came from behind Denver who leaped in surprise and turned to look.

“Who are you?” he asked as his lips trembled. ‘Why can’t I get out?”

“Because you’ll be my servant soon.” The woman had grey, twisted hair that fell half way down her arms. Under the pointy hat, a wide nose arched upwards towards two apple like eyes that seemed to pop out of her head.

© 2009 Tarekrahil

Author's Note

I'm 17 and I'm still developing my skills so please don't hammer me down with bad, destructive words.

My Review

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Featured Review

kewlbluetiger

What a fun read. There was a ton of action here and it moved pretty quick. There was a ton I liked and a ton I feel needs a second look revision. The stuff I liked:
I love the incorporation of the spell as a piece of poetry in the middle of the story. It worked. Showed some skill. I liked the whole bathroom waking seen, that was described very well. You kept a consistent pace through the story, which is great for a fantasy short story where writers sometimes tend to get too bogged down in the details. That being said:
The stuff that needs revision:
I felt like I fell into a Pepsi commercial when he find's the Pepsi. You used the word Pepsi five times in one paragraph. Just take a second look and see if you can work around it with some generic words like "pop or soda." The pace in the beginning is REALLY fast and we could use some characterization on Denver. Just a little line or two so we get to know him more.

Overall: Wow what a fantastic beginning. I'm a fan and will surely read the rest. Love, Love, Love stories like this. Can't wait to read more of your work. Great Write!