My dreams nightmare.

This is not for you. But i want you to steal it.

I am stuck in this dream

that might be my life.

The lines are blurry

and my eyes are gone

I speak without a tounge.

I touch without hands.

I am oh so scared now

that i will not wake

This is not what I want

But still more is pile onto my plate

my mouth is full of fabrications

and my mind is spilling on the floor.

My arms shake

and rattle the chains

This "paradise?"

Please unlock my mind.

Free me.

Will you?

Reviews

[Nephil]

The periods are inconsistently placed. "Tounge" should be "tongue" because English is silly. "Oh so" would look better as "oh-so." There's an "i" that should be capitalized, and finally "pile" should be "piled."

It has kind of demi-Nine Inch Nails tone in the lyrics, more of The Downward Spiral or The Fragile than With Teeth or Year Zero. It's vague but it works. The ambiguity of poetry is the reason I write stories or at least free-verse, but then I'm faced with the contradiction that I'm typically too lazy to read a full short story unless it is written very well. All around, It's pretty cool.

-Lain/Ian/Silvos/_INSERT_ALIAS_HERE_

[Isericanormal]

I like it! It stays on that im lost and falling apart path. but if i would change something i would change this one little line "But still more is pile onto my plate" I would make it "But still more is piled onto my plate". But it is still great. Awesome job dude...

[justjenn_2u]

This poem has solid pattern and your thoughts are conveyed well. I sent you an email!!!!