Unforgivable

Unforgivable situations in life

Unforgivable

 Jordan followed the man into the dark street with no lights. The man who was being followed didn't expect that Jordan would do anything.

 “I know your behind me.” the man said in a in a shaky tone.

The man unexpectedly was hit in the back of the head. The man fell to the cracked street. He turned to see Jordan with a gun in his face.

“You piece of s**t!” Jordan yelled as he smacked the pistol across the mans face. The man caught himself from hitting his head on the rough road. The man slowly got up with his back turned to Jordan.

“So,” the man said with pain in his voice “you are still mad.”

“What the hell do you think!” Jordan yelled. The street was empty. There were no lights, no people, and most importantly, no police. There was no sound. Jordan felt a raindrop hit his arm as he held the gun. “Why, huh? Why'd you have to kill her?”

The man then faced him with a sad eyes.

“Why does it matter?”

Jordan cocked the gun in his face.

“I didn't mean to!” he screamed in horror as he knew his life was in danger. “I just wanted what she had, that’s it!”

Jordan punched the man in the face with his renaming hand. The man fell on his back. He put his hand on the ground and pushed his body up, just enough to look at Jordan. His left eyebrow was cut up badly from the blow to the head with blood proceeding to run down his face as the rain began to fall.

Jordan started to pace back and forth. He couldn't understand how anybody could take an innocent life. The man began to shake. Jordan put the gun away in his jacket, but he wasn’t going to forgive the man who killed his little sister.

“You must think your pretty f*****g lucky, huh? You think that just because the court thought you were innocent meant that you weren’t going to pay for what you did?”

“ I just wanted her money man...” he said with tears running down his face, shaking his head slowly from side to side. “I didn't think that I'd kill her.”

Jordan walked up to the man, grabbed him by his dirty shirt, and pulled him up to his face. Jordan and the man were eye to eye; the man knew Jordan wanted to kill him.

“Who much?” Jordan asked with a deep voice.
“Wha...I...don't...”

“HOW MUCH!?” Jordan yelled as he tossed the man to the ground once more. The man began to sob even more. He said nothing, only tears ran down his face along with rain. Jordan took out his gun and pointed it at the man again.

“Tell me how much money she had!”

At first the man said nothing.

“HOW MUCH!!!” Jordan repeated.

“F-fourteen dollars....”

“Fourteen....dollars...? You killed my little baby sister for fourteen dollars?”

“B-b-but I-I didn't m-mean to k-k-kill her.” he cried. “I just need some drugs...”

“You killed my little sister for crack!”

Jordan re-cocked the gun.

“I needed it!” the man begged. “Please, don't kill me. I'm a good guy, just, please, don't kill me...”

The man got up to his feet, shaking. Jordan was still mad.

“All I see is a crack head with nothing to live for.” Jordan said softly with his gun still pointed at the man. “You can keep the money-” Jordan said.

Pop pop. Two bullets when into the mans left arm.

“$2” Jordan said as the man yelled in pain.

Pop pop pop. Tree bullets to the right arm.

“$5” Jordan continued

Pop pop pop pop pop pop pop. 7 bullets to the mans stomach.

“$12”

Pop. One bullet went into the mans right leg. The man fell on his knees as Jordan walked up to that man.

“$13”

Jordan put the gun up to the mans head.

Bang.

$14

“-You've earned it....”

Jordan fled and was never caught or questioned. Jordan lived the rest of his life knowing that he killed a man. He also lived the rest of his life knowing that his little sister was dead....

Author's Note

This is a very dark, grim story. It has a sad(ish) ending, but its how life works

Reviews

[Cynthia]

I don't really know what to ay, I mean, to me, nothing is unforgivable, cause everyone have a family. Even the man in your story, he got a mom who cares for him, a dad who is still waiting for his return, even he have nothing left, there's still someone who cares. But if someone really kill my sister, I might want him dead, but to me, it'll do no good, since no matter who you kill, she's still dead, nothing changes at all.

However, I love the story, sort of in a sad way, haha, but I do love it. i love how you describe Jordan reaction, and the man's explanation and when he said he killed Jordan's sister just for fourteen dollars. I love the way Jordan make the man pay, very ironic, but cool. Just one suggestion, maybe you can describe the man's reaction when the first few bullets shot at him, since he's still not dead yet, OK, it sounds crazy, but I think that'll be cool.

Overall, I love this a lot!

[DontBlink158]

Yes it was dark and a bit grim but this does happen, i personaly liked how he took care of the man, the 14 shoots, each for a dollar. I understand how the charctar felt, if that were my little brother, i might go after the man to...
It was a good write, i havent read anything like that for a while, nice job.

[Weston R.]

(I apologize in advance if some things I say don't make sense--I'm burnt out from writing a long-a*s paper.)

Wow. That's all I can say her really. I was waiting for you to come back to WC, and you didn't disappoint. I really did enjoy this story. I don't prefer this story to say, the Elevator, but it's still of good quality. It seems like you took a bit of time with this one. Also, I really liked the irony of him getting shot for the amount of money he killed the sister for. Also, while others may review this saying it needed more depth, I totally disagree. This kind of short, simple story is actually better without a whole long backstory--besides, less is more right? A great way to return, my partner in crime, and I can't wait to see what you got next.