Down But Not Out

An issue I faced in life

Down But Not Out
By Jay Johnson

Your yelling at me
Your killing me inside
Why can't you see
I never lied

You say I play mind games
You say I play tricks
You've driven me insane
You pull my soul until it rips

I'm done

I sit you down
mother, father I need to leave

Your mouth's open yet release no sound
what? why?
you really don't know
as I said, I need to leave
I had to go

So out in the cold I go
the ground not yet covered in snow
I cried
I felt as if I had died

As I leave you still don't get it
You did this, not me
You did this s**t
I guess it was never meant to be

You held me down screaming
You insulted my character

You never let me be

You hurt the ones I love
You made me cry at night

Thanks to you I was raped emotionally

I try to let it go
but its hard
Anymore I just don't know
I feel better so far

I'm healing
I'm growing
I was down
But I wasn't going to pout

Sometimes I'm down
But I'm never out

Reviews

[Cynthia]

I love the strong mind you put in this poem. The idea is really strong,and the poem is powerful. it hurts when our parents hurt us inside, but in the forth stanza, I will say they actually care about you, if not, they will not be shocked when you say you'll leave. Its something weird about parents, they always think they did the right thing for you while they don't, but after all, they mean good.
However, i see they did it really wrong in the later stanza, maybe you should tell them what you really think and you tell them what is the thing you really want. I love the ending of the poem, keep the whole poem strong and powerful, giving readers a very clear impression to the poems :D
Nice written!

[DemonicVeil]

OMG!!! I'm late in the reviewing category of when you posted but I don't care right now. A plus plus baby!!!

[Johee Poetry]

good poem. I can relate to this. parents do mess with you emotionally. been there. done that.

[Libby]

I really liked this, it was very powerful.

[Jūdan FyreHeart]

First you put 'your' when you meant 'you're'.
I'm assuming you're far more comfortable with prose rather than poetry. This has quite a prose feel to it and it's far harder to switch from prose to poetry than people realise (I know, I'm working through it myself at the moment).
There are a couple of half rhymes in there, I'm not sure if they're intentional or not?
You seemed to repeat the idea of leaving and going quite a bit in a short space. Try to switch up your word use a little bit to add more depth and colour.
There are places where it rhymes and others where it doesn't. I'm not convinced the rhyming really adds anything to the poem, it could be better to leave it as a pure free verse or put it into full rhyme.
The flow of the emotions down through the piece works well. The progression from anger, frustration, sadness then determination is well done. The end is a good sharp ending which finishes it on a strong note.
I didn't mean to seem harsh I just wanted to try and show you how I read it and help you grow and learn for next time.

[unspokenguilt]

Aww, I teared up just reading it...so sad :( needless to say i felt the emotion heh!
great work and thanks for sharing,

elyssa

[Weston R.]

Nice poem, man. I'm not sure if it is one of your first, but I gotta say, a lot of potential in my opinion. Writing really is a great form of expression, isn't it? Anyway, good work, and keep it up.