Seasons Changing...Fading

I wrote this for a contest entry. The characters are based on me and my three best friends. Enjoy...if that's the right sentiment.

Ba-dum.

A heartbeat. One of mine.

Ba-dum.

    Ba-dum.

        Ba-dum.

             Ba-dum.

Four heartbeats…one is mine; the other three are the heartbeats the life rhythms of the people beside me. A small laugh from my left broke the silence, and I exchanged a grin with the tall, black-haired girl on my right. Yes, Emily was easily amused by this situation, but weren’t we all? I grinned at Jessica again, and Michelle started to giggle from her place on the ledge. We were near the sea, on a tall cliff, waiting for the sun to rise. It was a custom for us. Every time the season changed, we found ourselves, by unspoken agreement and a strange compulsion, standing side by side on the cliff’s edge. None of us ever came here alone; always we came together. We never told anyone about our frequent visits…every three months, to be exact. It was a strange ritual, but ever since we met in year eight we had been close friends, and then when we found ourselves on the cliff at the same time we knew we were different but the same. We weren’t insane, but nor were we normal…if only we knew why we were compelled to greet the dawn of the new season four times a year.

 

Every time the change of seasons came about, we would meet there on the ledge. The tradition continued for years, even after we left high school and went to university. And even after that, when I was travelling the world with my work, when Michelle was living with her distant relatives in Singapore, when Jessica was training horses world-wide and Emily was photographing wildlife in Africa, we found ourselves back on that same cliff, side by side as the sun rose. We were never late, and we were always there. Except for this one time, when autumn was changing to winter, that Michelle failed to turn up. It was the beginning of the end of our tradition.

 

“Hey, you’ve reached Michelle! Sorry I can’t come to the phone right now…” I snapped my phone shut in the middle of the cheery message. That was the third time I’d tried to reach Michelle, and it was the third time I’d failed to reach her. Was she avoiding us? I decided to go visit her. After all, she was back in Australia, wasn’t she? She always stayed in the same place when she was in Australia, so I decided to visit her. I called Jessica and Emily to inform them of what I was going to do, and they wished me luck. I felt a sense of loss. I wasn’t normally this depressed in winter; on the contrary, I loved winter for the storms, the rain, the clouds…but this time, I felt like I wanted to cry. It was like Michelle’s lack-of-presence at our regular meetings had taken a lot out of me. I wondered if the others felt the same. Sighing, I made my way out of the house, locking the door automatically behind me.

 

I knocked at the door to Michelle’s apartment, and was not surprised to hear her call out to wait a moment. She wasn’t always the most organised person. Most likely she had to find her keys. I breathed a sigh of relief as the door opened and Michelle appeared in the doorway.

“Ashleigh!” she exclaimed, and I smiled openly, hiding my depression.

“Hey Michelle. How have you been?” Michelle looked troubled for a moment, then called back inside in Cantonese. I waited as she stepped out into the hallway.

“So what’s happened? Are the others alright?” she asked before I could speak. I was a little hurt by her abrupt manner.

“They’re fine. But we didn’t think you are, so I came to see for myself,” I replied cautiously. Michelle had changed. She wasn’t as immaculate in her appearance as usual. Had something happened to her? Why hadn’t she been on the cliff? I didn’t ask these questions outright.

“It’s to do with the cliff thing, isn’t it?” she asked, for a change more observant. I nodded, dumbstruck. “You should let that go, Ash,” she continued. “So should Em and Jess. We’re a little old to be hanging out on a cliff at dawn four times a year, don’t you think?” she asked bluntly. I felt tears form in my eyes at her rejection. That was how I saw it. She was rejecting us and everything we had shared between the four of us over the years.

“Bye, Michelle. Don’t bother blocking my calls again,” I said bitterly. “I won't be calling anymore. Have fun being alone,” I spat, turning and walking away. If Michelle had called out, I would have waited. But she didn’t. She did nothing to stop me from walking away. As I walked downstairs, I felt like I was breaking to pieces. Winter closed over me, heavy and weighty. It was getting harder for me to continue. I wasn’t sure if I could.

 

The next seasonal change it was just me and Jessica on the cliff. Emily hadn’t come. I felt like crying. We were separating. After fifteen years, we were falling apart. The sun rose over the fresh spring morning, but there was no spring for me. For me, it was still dark, gloomy, heavy winter. And Jessica, the summer, was the only relief I had from the depression.

 

I didn’t bother asking Emily why she couldn’t make it. If she had refused to answer the call we had followed for fifteen years and not come to the cliff no matter what, then I wouldn’t bother even trying. Just like with Michelle, I would have been told to grow up, probably in a blunter way than Michelle had said. I thought that maybe I was being stubborn and selfish, but Jessica wasn’t her bubbly self either. Losing two of our best friends had hurt us both, but me more than her. I don’t know why it was affecting me so badly, but I knew what would come next. I would be the only one standing on the cliff come winter, and I knew what I would do. I just wished the day would never come.

 

The sun rose on the first day of winter. It had been a year since Michelle had rejected the tradition, the call that compelled us to come to the cliff to watch the sunrise. This time I was alone. One by one, my friends had abandoned me. Friends no more. I looked to the rising sun and made my decision. The winter was heavy upon me now. It had been for a year. Every day I grew colder, even in the middle of summer. It was as if I was turning to ice.

Ba-dum.

A heartbeat. Mine. Alone on the cliff, my heartbeat was the only sound I could hear bar the sounds of the gulls. There were no accompanying heartbeats this time, just mine.

Ba-dum.

I took a step towards the edge of the cliff, taking a deep breath of the winter air. It felt like ice as it flowed into my lungs. I took off my heavy coat and dropped it to the ground. I wouldn’t need it where I was going. I smiled sadly, remembering all the good times I had spent with my friends. Friends who had left me to sink into depression. At least I acknowledged it for what it was. I exhaled and took another step towards the edge. The water below was dotted with rocks, far enough apart that I wouldn’t hit them. I took another step, into space. Then there was nothing but air.

 

I fell, and I fell fast. There was nothing but air rushing past me. I didn’t scream. Winter took hold of me, flowing through my veins as I hit the icy water. I didn’t try to find the surface. Instead, I closed my eyes and let the waves buffer me around. I heard my heartbeats still, loud in my ears at first.

Ba-dum.

Still strong, then.

Ba-dum…

A little weaker. Good. I wouldn’t be with the world for much longer.

Ba…dum…

Black consumed me, and then there was nothing. The winter was all that was left.

Author's Note

Okay...Jessica represents the summer, Emily the spring, Michelle the autumn and me/the narrator represents winter. Just so there's no confusion there...

Ah, and yes, the narrator died. The winter took over... *cries* why do I end with depression?

Reviews

[Dawn]

I think sometimes depressing things are good for the soul. You have a great talant hun, I will be entering the compitition as soon as i have time to sit and come up with something.
Dawn x

[Gavin Keary]

mmmm, smell that new material!!! Really good stuff. A little morbid, and that's what I like!!!