Ghosts of the Midway

The first song of the album http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LhjEVO0_FoU

Chapter One: Ghosts of the Midway

                The eerie tune played throughout the Carnival and out to the sideshows that lined the midway, echoing beyond its barriers and onto the streets to draw in the innocent souls who walked by. I turned toward my best friend, who was staring at the carnival as we passed it. The haunting melody had taken hold of him, and he grabbed my hand and started walking toward the Carnival. Both of us could hear ghostly, childish giggling and an occasional scream.

 

                “Asher, I don’t want to go to some freak show,” I said, trying to make sure he wouldn’t hear the fear this place brought to me. There was something wrong with this place, besides the obvious abuse of the deformed.

                “Don’t be such a girl Janelle,” Asher said with a light laugh. He flashed that famous smile, which he knew I couldn’t deny, and pulled me closer to the creepy Carnival. Even this far away we could hear the voice on the speakers repeating the same message over and over. After the third or fourth repetition, Asher dropped back and put his arm around my shoulder before he started to whisper the same words in my ear. He didn’t get it quite right at first, but I barely heard him over the main voice, which seemed to be in my head now.

                Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the Circus of the Strange, the Sideshow of the Sinister and the Theatre of the Bizarre. Enter a realm of dark wonders to indulge your wickedest dreams. Or, if you dare, explore the shadows of your most diabolical nightmares. Cast your eyes upon the cruel oddities of nature and behold monstrous creatures from the depths of the abyss. Marvel with awe and dismay at unbelievable death-defying acts that teeter on the very brink of doom. Leave the mundane world behind, for those who visit this festival of phantasms are never the same again. Step this way….

                “Asher, wait. I don’t think this is such a good idea. Asher, what are you-?” I was too late. He pushed me gently through the Carnival’s entrance and laughed at the fear I knew was now twisting my features. As we crossed the threshold, the final four ominous words of the commanding voice finished in my mind: There’s no turning back. I doubted Asher could see them, but I saw hundreds. Floating at our sides and everywhere around us, nearly transparent specters glided over the ground, the dirt undisturbed beneath their phantom feet. Now, I looked at the name of the Carnival, which was posted on every wall and post I could find. “The Carnival of Lost Souls,” I whispered quietly. We were now trapped within a ghost carnival.

Author's Note

Never tried something like this. Be gentle?

Reviews

[Chris]

Being a storyteller is fun AND work. This read like the back page on a horror novel cover ...and that's good. Its a way of drawing readers. The problem with this site is that authors tend to shorten their work drafts to suit the demand for instant gratification and forget to build the storyline and characters. Chapters of five paragraphs are a tad bit - too brief. Might I suggest you visit - http://www.writerscafe.org/KAOlmsted
and see how she handles chapters, size and development wise.

I like your thoughts and how you want to develop them. Seeing how others have stepped up should help you a lot more than an ineffectual review by me.

Take care,
Chris

[Brittany]

Great first chapter. Well written and enticing. Awesome start.

[Jason Dyer]

Awesome. I enjoy how it was a haunting melody that took hold of him. And "You're such a girl" is an often overused phrase of mine.

-D

[Brianna Van Zandt]

What do you mean by "often overused"?

[Jason Dyer]

Just that I say it often when I'm teasing someone.

[Brianna Van Zandt]

Oh, okay.

[Jason Dyer]

I just opened the happy hauntings contest to where you can submit any writing/genre now. I mean I look for work that goes with the Halloween season but there again, no restrictions that were initially there... you get the hint. Good luck! And be sure to check out my facebook if you haven't already! All the info is on the contest page!

Cheers!

[Anonymous Girl]

This is good. Keep writing ^.^

[Brianna Van Zandt]

Thank you.

[Anonymous Girl]

Don't mention it ^.^

[Gretchen Clarke]

This is good. I'm guessing that Janelle is the one who wants to escape, based on the description of this book. Just a guess, though. Please continue it?
Keep up the great work!

[Brianna Van Zandt]

Don't always guess the obvious. Hehe. You've seen how I twist things sometimes. Maybe it is Asher who will want out and Janelle will want to stay?

[Brianna Van Zandt]

Even still, thank you for the review!

[Erika Jones]

This was really good :3 I want to read more actually!

[Alex Vidmar]

Beautiful :) Well done Kit-Kat. Love this. So much! :D