In My World of PTSD

When u hear the word PTSD, what comes to mind? Army, Marines, etc...? Anyone can have it... this is only a part of what I battle with my own PTSD...

Driving in my car

Not feelin’ so right

‘I know it’s not far’,

I think as I fight

 

Battle within myself

This horrible war

Where the world stands still

And my thoughts explore

 

“What am I doing right now”

I quickly scold myself

This blurring fear I have

“Put those feelings’ on the shelf”

 

As I came to a stop

At the traffic light

My eyes wander around

And OH what a sight

 

In the rearview mirror

I watch a huge cloud of smoke

Then I realize he’s vaping

I hope he doesn’t choke

 

 

My eyes wander to the left

I watch her snap her gum

Popping bubble after bubble

Makes me kind of want some

 

 

The person on my right

Busy chatting on their phone

Really loud on a speaker

In an impatient tone

 

Finally, I look

Directly ahead

They sit there in silence

As the light is stuck on red

 

Every day people

In an everyday life

Just waiting to move ahead

Without all the strife

 

My car begins to go

As the light now is green

Thoughts slowly flow through my head

Like in an eerie movie scene

 

It’s almost like on Facebook

These visions in my head

I can click, Swype and drag

When not hanging on by a thread

Quickly my thoughts bail

Without saying their goodbyes

My body begins to tremble

As do my eyes

 

My breath quickly hastens

Brightness all around

My heart races even faster

As the world turns upside down

 

Overwhelmed by the sky

Panic becomes my foe

My eyes begin to sting

I catch the tears before they flow

 

I reach out for thoughts and visions

Hope they’ll be abound

For my mind is better when I’m thinking

Rather than me screaming without sound

 

Almost just like magic

Everything turns upright

I see the world in a safer way

And in a much better light

 

I make it to my destination

I’m most definitely in one piece

But there’s still a tiny part in me

That doesn’t want to cease

 

I now have a passenger

One of whom I really trust

Every negative and uneasy feeling

Has turned right into dust

 

In the complex mind of a person

A person such as me

You can surely expect

That it’s all due to PTSD

 

© RebeccaJeanine71

Author's Note

Thank you for stopping by :)

Reviews

[alienated.aquarius]

your words are so powerful, there's an undeniable melody to the way in which you write and it's refreshing to read. i'm sorry for all this world has put you through, but you rose beautifully through it all, whether you believe it or not. keep writing, you have something precious here

[Chris Shaw]

Hello Rebecca. I felt your stress and wanted to share that I have a relative who also has that condition. You described it very well, especially the panics. Little things in his everyday life can turn into huge hurdles. Things that other people take for granted and can do without a thought, become a mountain for him. Brave of you to share and I wish you well my friend.

Chris

[00000000000000000000000..]

I have seen it wasn't a fun place to be. My best friend died put me in disbelief. And mixed with bipolar and stress made every toxic plea. And then the demons came all there voices and chants and I went manic. I went to a very dark place scared alone even out of my mind. And all that put me in jail my 1st time. After got out I saw I needed help it's was the wrong kind really pumped full meds 7 to be exact. Zombie feel lost and afraid. The only thing great was therapy. A lot of stuff came out in 2 and half years and then I ran out of words and needed no more I quit the meds was told id relapse and I smiled said I will prove you wrong.
I did just that came walking back in with a new song. I started taking all within my hands to be breathing meditation exercise. I was still alone but that's ok :) So I am fine now sound and free yep no more bipolar or PTSD

[Akash gaikwad]

This poem made feel your stress.it is really a strong poem. While reading the poem I felt like I was sitting in the car with you but invisible and hearing all your thoughts out loud. Thank you for sharing this really amazing poem!!

[Coyote Poetry]

Many ways to get PTSD. Abuse women, children seeing violence and hard life. I liked your thoughts. Dear Rebecca. More reasons than we know for PTSD. I hate driving myself. Thank you for sharing your words and your thoughts.
Coyote