Cut Me Deep

Just something I needed to say

I look in the mirror, at the reflection that I used to know as myself. It stares back at me, eyes lighting up at another chance to taunt me. "Pathetic. You're just pathetic." It laughs horribly seeing the shame in my eyes. 

"Look at the state of you! Ugly and Fat! You'll never be worth anything." These cold words cut me deep. Tears sting my eyes, but this just spurs it on more. "aww have a little cry will we? go on then, show how weak you are. Why don't you go butcher your arms some more, that's all your good for anyway." I look down at my horribly massacred arms. Cuts cover every space. I break then, tears streaming down my cheeks. I scream out in anger and frustration 

"SHUT UP! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!" I pull at my hair and it laughs maliciously

"You stupid b***h! I'm not going anywhere. I'm inside your stupid little brain" I push my hands hard against my temples, trying to block it out in any way possible. 

"No one is ever going to love a mess like you. Just face it, the world would be better of without you in it." I scream past the lump in my throat, throwing a fist into the glass, smashing it with so much force that some of it rebounds onto the floor around me. I fall to the floor, in a pathetic painful heap, hyperventilating and crying insanely. It was right. It would never go away. It was me, a part of me that I could never be sure would go away. Everyday I fought a war with this nasty corner of my mind. The scars were there everyday to remind me of all my mistakes, my weakness. I sometimes wonder why I put myself through this, but every time I look in that mirror, it overpowers me, I can't stand the person staring back at me. I'm not even sure who that person is. If people knew that this is what self harm can do to people, they wouldn't joke about it.