Chapter Ten

I've always loved the way the water feels. When it's all around you, covering your whole body. It makes you feel like you could be flying. That's what I feel like. Like I'm dreaming. Dreaming of being in the clouds, floating. I can almost see them around me. The real world is disappearing now. The clarity in my head is fading. My body growing weaker and weaker. I can feel myself falling further and further, down, deeper into the water. The last of the oxygen is nearly gone. For a moment, I struggle, the panic button is slammed down and I flail about, pushing the water around me, but go nowhere. And then, I'm relaxed again. A euphoric state washes over me. People always say, drowning is the most relaxing way to die, and now I have to agree. This is the way I want to die. I've spent my whole life in anxiety and stress. I don't want to die that way too. I just let go. I let go of my friends and family. I let go of Zandy and Adam. I let go of all my achievements and failures. I just let go of my life. It floats away in the water that has become my final home. My coffin.

I must be so close to passing now. I can barely find a thought in my mind. I don't have enough strength to open my eyes, to summon a thought, to move a limb. I feel a rush of water, pushing me forward, but I don't have the energy to wonder. I'm cold suddenly. Really cold. Air. I know I feel the air around me. I still don't breathe though, it seems impossible somehow. Soon enough, I'm lying on land again, but I'm not awake. I'm teetering on the edge of life and death. I feel like my eyes are opening, but the blurred image I see, makes me think me head is just deceiving me. My body rises from the ground, strengthened, alive. I realise that I'm not even damp. I see her sitting on the rock just a metre in front of me.

“Am I dead?” She just laughs, but kindly, and shakes her head. I look around. It's no different than when I walked into the water. The sky is grey, cloudy. The soft breeze just brushes my face. When I stand up, I feel no weakness. But of course I know this is a dream. For all I know, I'm still in the water, falling deeper and deeper into unconsciousness. I look to her again. She's smiling. It's been such a long time since I've seen that smile. Her hand is outstretched, and I take it. She pulls me near and sits me down next to her. For a moment she sits, looking at me, examining my face. She touches it softly, I remember how this used to settle me as a child.

“You've grown so beautiful” The sound of her voice takes me by surprise. I can't summon even a whisper. I don't want to. I just want to sit here, listening to her talk.

“Now” She begins, and I know that tone. “We need to sort this whole mess out”

“Granny...I don't know what to do” I choke this out, losing my voice halfway through at the sound of her name from my tongue.

“Now, no use getting upset now.” She wipes the tears away, and gives me a reassuring smile.

“Now you know that I can't tell you what to do” She assures me, and I nod.

“You never needed anyone to tell you what to do, and you certainly don't need it now.” I smile through the tears. She's right.

“In fact, I think if we're being honest, if someone did tell you what to do, you'd do the exact opposite, just to be different” We both laugh, I know why she says this.

“I just don't know what to do, I feel like I've messed everything up” She shushes me, as I begin to cry again.

“You haven't. You've made some bad decisions, mistakes. We all make mistakes. Nobody's perfect, something which you need to realise, and stop trying to be.”

“How do I know what to do though?” I ask, helplessly.

“The answer to all your problems lies within” She says simply, when I blink back in confusion, she takes my hand from hers, and places it on my chest.

“But, I think we both know. You already have the answer” I look to my feet. I know deep down, she's right, of course she is. She puts a finger on my chin, and lifts my head high again.

“The answer, is certainly not this” She nods towards the loch. Before I can say another word, she stands up, and I follow.

“Don't go” I say, my voice cracking again, but she just smiles, softly

“I have to, and so do you. You have someone waiting for you” I swallow hard

“Don't worry though, I'll keep checking in on you, like I have been” She smiles once more, and kisses me on the cheek.

My chest feels awful. I crouch down in agony, feeling something push my ribs down. I cry out in the horrible pain of it. I feel like my breathing has stopped again, like someone is forcing it out of me. Blackness. It surrounds me again. I feel the air around me, but I can't focus my mind. The thoughts come back, slowly, they reappear like visions, forming a picture slowly in my mind, like someone is painting all my memories back into me. I can feel my eyes twitching, and then opening, but only slightly. I can still feel the pressure on my lungs, like I'm still drowning, but I know I'm not in the water. Suddenly, like vomit, the water comes up my oesophagus and I throw it out of my mouth, choking and spluttering. My vision clears up enough to see Adam, beside me. His face displays nothing more than complete panic. He's soaked from head to toe, fully clothed. His hair drips, falling down his face. I see the tears, ready to spill onto his cheeks. I just look at him, totally blank. I remember her words. My lips reach his before he can speak, or even move. I expect him to pull away, to be still angry at me from before. To be more angry at me for the stupidity I had just displayed. I feel him kiss me back. His hands grab my dripping hair, and I feel his tears, falling onto his face, and onto mine too.

“You saved my life” I choke, when he pulls me into his arms. I rest my head on his shoulder, feeling the damp of his shirt against my cheek. His breathing is getting heavier as he cries ever more. I realise I’ve never seen him cry before, I've never even seen him upset. I don't like it. We sit for what seems like hours, him rocking me back and forth, kissing my temple. When we both regain full awareness, I sit back from him.

“So you're not angry at me?” I stutter, worrying this special moment might just be temporary. He takes my hand then, and holds it close to his chest.

“Hey, shush. I don't want you to think about that now okay?” I nod

“None of that matters now” He assures me. “I don't want you to ever do anything like this again” His voice is firm, but caring, “Promise me now” I promise him, and that's that. It's like we both know, we never need to speak about it again.

“You'll freeze in those wet clothes” I say, worrying for him suddenly “We need to get back to the house” He smirks

“What?” I don't see what could possibly be amusing

“You're worried about me?” I realise then that it's not him that just nearly died, and smirk too, though this isn't particularly funny. I can feel the shivers starting now. My whole body aches, all the parts that aren't numb. He sees my teeth start to chatter and gets to his feet. I try to join him, but my knees go weak and I fall to the floor again. My body is just complete weakness. I almost cry again, in frustration. He kneels down beside me, wrapping his arms under my back and legs, lifting me. He carries me all the way back to the house, even though I know this must be difficult, considering how weak he must be, how drained.

When we arrive back at the house, my parents are sitting outside. At the sight of this, they both run to me, asking frantically for an explanation. Adam tells them there was an accident, that I fell in the water. All I do is lie there, drifting in and out of consciousness, occasionally adding in a mumble of how Adam saved my life.

My parents both thank him, and he carries me through to my bedroom, changing me into dry clothes, before tucking me beneath the covers of my warm bed. When he goes to leave, I feel a stab of pain.

“Please don't leave me” I plead, sounding so pathetic and desperate. He stops at the door.

“I'm not going anywhere” He sits down on the bed next to me, pulling me onto his chest. He doesn't lie down though.

“You should sleep” I mumble, half sleeping already

“No. I just wanna watch you. Protect you” He replies, stroking my hair, gently. I can no longer fight my exhaustion. I fall asleep, to the soothing beat of his heart against my ear.

Reviews

[Theresa]

Lots of excitement. Fun to read when the reader can't wait to see what happens next. Will there be more?

[quixotic_rose]

thats so scary!! im glad he saved her, i like this adam kid. He is the protector. gah, drowning!! good write on this as well especially with description

[Beck Louise]

Yup me too! Yeah, I was trying to make him like her protector yay :) Thank you!:)

[quixotic_rose]

:) YAY you're welcome!