Chapter Eight

It's been a week. A week since I was in Glasgow. I've just cut myself off from everyone. I keep making excuses not to see Zandy. An illness here, a bad day there, a sudden demand of my presence at friends and family events. I know he's suspicious, he knows something's wrong, and soon enough, he'll ask. I haven't spoke to Adam at all. Ignoring his texts. Screening his calls. I haven't even bothered to check the internet. I just need to be alone, it's what I deserve.

I sit on my window sill, cigarette in hand. I remember sitting here, all those weeks ago. How simple things were then. I can't help wishing I was back there. I watch the soothing smoke once more, fascinated by its smooth pattern as it floats in front of me, winding around the window. The sun is out again today, its beginning to ascend higher into the deep blue sky. It's nearly noon, I'm risking being caught here, but, in all honesty, I'm finding it hard to care lately. I nearly fall out of the window, when the tapping comes on the door. Exhaling the smoke quickly, I stub the nearly finished cigarette on the window sill and throw it onto the gravel below. The smell might be my give away, but I have no time to wait.

“Yea?” My mother stands in front of me, looking a mix of agitation and disappointment.

“There's someone here to see you” I sigh. Zandy. And now I must prepare for what is sure to be the most difficult conversation of my life so far.

She doesn't say another word. Just walks away, and I follow her into my living room.

“Adam?!” I nearly choke on my own words at the shock of seeing him there, standing in front of me in my own living room.

“Hey” He doesn't smile exactly. The corners of his mouth twitch uncomfortably, as though he would like to smile, but knows he can't. I've lost my footing now. I was expecting to see Zandy, to have to explain about Adam. This, I definitely was not expecting. I can only stand there and stare at him, not knowing what to say.

“Becky? Can I have a word?” My mother pulls me into the kitchen and begins to whisper cautiously

“Who is he?” She looks angry, and I decide this isn't the best time to lie to her.

“I'm sure I've told you about Adam before” I say, and I see the pieces fit together.

“Well, what's he doing here?” She presses, not in annoyance but more in confusion.

I don't say anything. I look to my feet, ashamed. I can't find the words to say.

Upon seeing my self disgust, she seems to understand. She surveys me a few more moments, and then speaks. The tone in her voice is aggressive, threatening. One I don't hear very often. One I hope not to hear again.

“Now, I don't know what's going on with that boy in there, but whatever it is, I'm sure I won't like it.” I look up for a second, but seeing the disgrace in her eyes, I look away again.

“Now, you break off whatever is going on with him, or you do the same with Zandy, but I won't have you doing this, it's not the kind of person you are, understand?” She doesn't wait for an answer

“I'm going to town, and by the time I'm back, I want this sorted” She moves swiftly from the room, leaving me to soak in my own disgust and embarrassment.

My feet hardly carry me back through. Adam is still standing, awkwardly, and I can guess he feels uncomfortable.

“What's going on?” He demands

“What?” I falter, not even knowing what to say.

“Oh come on. You've been ignoring my texts, my calls, my tweets. What's going on Becky?” He looks hurt, used, confused.

“Nothing, I just...I just needed some space” Rolling his eyes, he is obviously not falling for this. He moves forward

“Come on Becky, I'm not stupid, I know there's something else going on here”

The look in his eyes. The tone in his voice. I just break.

The tears are forming in my eyes. I can't hold it in.

“I feel like I'm losing my mind!” I scream at him

“I feel like I'm full of s**t, that I'm just being such a f*****g liar to everyone, even myself” The tears pour down my cheeks in frustration.

“I don't understand, what the hell is going on?!” He looks at me, a horrible fear crossing his face. Then, something truly awful happens. The door opens, just as I go to speak again. All of a sudden, the two men I haven't stopped thinking about for the last week are standing in front of me, together.

I see Zandy's eyes flicker from Adam, to me, drowning in tears, his confusion evident on his face.

“Becky, what's going on? Who's he?” I stutter, my voice cracking

“Why are you crying?” his frustration is rising. I see Adam's face change. He understands.

“Are you f*****g kidding me?” Zandy jumps, appalled at the swearing and the aggression.

“Wait, why are you yelling at my girlfriend?” He interrogates Adam, obviously having not clicked onto the situation yet.

“Your girlfriend. Yea, shoulda known” He says, I can no longer hold my tongue

“Please, Adam, it's not like that!” I cry in desperation.

“Then how is it?!” He screams “What, you just forgot to tell me that you had a boyfriend?! Did it slip your mind in the whole time we've been friends?! Did it slip your mind when you fell into bed with me?!”

“Wait, when you what?” Oh god. Zandy sounds so wounded it almost knocks me to the ground.

“No, Zands...wait!” But it's too late, he's out the door and driving away before I can say anything. I just stand on the doorstep, watching him leave, and I can't even go after him.

I fall down, curling up into a ball on my front step, crying into my hands. I feel him standing behind me, but I can't get up. When he speaks, his voice has lost the anger, but it's not soft.

“You gonna tell me what the hell is going on in your head? Cos I sure as hell can't work it out” I don't answer him. I'm too afraid. I'm too busy worrying. I never wanted to hurt Zandy, not ever. I feel like someone has taken my heart and shredded it.

When I finally gather the stamina to raise my head, I notice he's still standing behind me. Just waiting. I have to face it now, I don't have a choice.

“I never intended for all this to happen” I say, gathering myself once more

“What exactly did you intend to happen?” I stand up then, moving back inside, pushing past him.

“I don't know, okay” I'm not really making much sense, but after what just happened, can he really blame me? He just looks at me like he really can't believe everything that's happening.

“Did you ever care about me?” Wow. That one hurt.

“Of course I did” I must sound so wounded because he doesn't push on this

“Well why did you do it?” I can hear the anger rise in his voice

“I don't know”

“Yes you do!” I just stand there, crying. I've lost all ability to speak. I can barely look at him.

“Fine, I'll just leave you to think about this” The hostility in his voice is awful, but I can hear the hurt behind it.

When he leaves, I sink to the ground, and stay there until my mum returns home.

I don't really want to explain it all to her, I don't want to explain it to anyone. That's as bad as reliving it. She forces it out of me though.

“Oh, Becky” She gives me sympathetic look, but I know its more because she's ashamed.

“Unfortunately, I can't make this decision for you, only you can make it. But either way, you have to decide which one of those boys is the one you want, and pray he still wants you.” I know she's trying to help, but this only makes me feel worse. I have some serious thinking to do. This might be the hardest night of my life.

Reviews

[Theresa]

Can't wait for more!!

[quixotic_rose]

b***h mother, shes supposed to help the child. that pisses me off so bad, anyhoo! love the drama, I cried right along with Becky, no lie. I wonder which one she will pick!!!!ahhh

[Ian H Morrison]

oh yes and the plot thickens i am loveing this it is fantastic and i am salavateing for the next chapter give it to me please the suspense of what she is going to do is killing me.

[That_Girl]

Okay first, I totally understand the calming effect cigarette smoke has... thought I was the only one.

This is... well written but horrible to have to read since.. you know. I feel for everyone involved. I hope she ends up with the person she truly loves. Eagerly awaiting the next chapter! :)