The Wings She'll Grow

Time seems to wither away, slowly like the seconds that count to midnight. The leaves on the trees grow a tainted orange, and dull yellow. A bleak breeze floated around me as though it was encasing me in its grasp, did we do this on purpose? I feel strange inside, am I jealous? Scared? Lost? Why am I not crying right now, its been 10 long months that we've know each other. Did I know this day was bound to come?

              I remember the first time I met her, heart pounding in my ears for we never knew each other outside of social media and we fell for one another. As that mini van pulled up, her mom in the drivers seat, sisters in the back, she stepped out and looked at me. A twinkling in her eyes like that of the starry summer night above, hair in a ponytail and the posture of a broken soul. Her hands a bit shaky, grabbing in desperation at her phone, her dress. The first time we've met, I won't lie. My heart fluttered and bounced like that of a Tasmanian devil; we arrived at the party together. I questioned myself all the way there, how could she like me? Why would she care for someone who's a nobody? Why try with a teenage father? Could this be who I've been searching for? We stood nervously, then my 3 month old started fussing. As I pulled her from her car seat I saw the twinkle in the angel's eyes grown brighter, being a single 18 year old father is difficult at times. Because your putting out as much as you can, raising your child from 2 months old alone, scared, still broken from the mother you had once loved. She'd left and cheated, breaking your trust yet again when you just want her to see how much you truthfully loved her, gone and in the corrupt ways of life.

             But at that moment, when I looked into the angelic eyes, I realized my life isn't about me. And it never was, but about everyone else. My beautiful daughter and this angel had saved me, saved me from the darkness and allowed me light; gave me purpose. Over time the days seemed to grow longer, nights were restless. I had times where I slipped into the depression that craved so dearly to make me break and cry; some nights I laid there crying from the pain, from losing my family that I loved so dearly and did what I could to make them happy. My mother, her words echoing in my head, "Your not my son" "Your an embarrassment." These words cut deeply into my heart and tore away at me for years, never once did she actually try; never tried talking to me as though I was her own son. But as a criminal, an enemy. All I wanted was her to look at me and say she was proud of me, to call me her son again. As I raise my daughter by myself I always as myself if she will love my daughter, if she'll support me. Or am I just a bigger disgrace now then I was then? But my mother's thoughts about my daughter don't matter; cause i'll love my daughter unconditionally and raise her better then what my mother did me, I'll be there to help her and comfort her. I'll be there as her father, her protector, her guidance and the only man that will always love her for who she is, all her flaws and perfections. Children are fragile, their precious, more valuable then any jewels, money, or foreign cars. They are the blessings of life, a chance to turn a new page; the beginning to something special.

             After ten months of being in love with an angel, a heavy feeling played with my heart; in my chest as though I began to sink through quicksand. As the days reached this day, I realized she had become distant. As she told me she was scarred to tell me, or answer this guys question; well, I knew automatically there was another. But, I sat there encouraging her to take the chance; like it was destined to happen eventually I wasn't going to fight it. She was scared and had pisanthrophobia; the fear of trusting other people due to her past relationship experiences. I simply said, "Once you've met someone, they always remain in your heart. And I know you have trust issues, especially from the beginning I saw it. But he could be different and you'll never know till you find out yourself." Though we've said we loved each other, I watched slowly as her spark began to fade away from me. I made her a promise, that even if we're never together; friends or not. I'll always be there for her no matter what, even if she's happy with another man.

                                Why hold back someone from their chance at happiness; I can't fight it, she may be destined to be with someone else. So I'll let her grow her wings and fly farther on, let her have a chance to be happy and in love. I finally cut the chains she was in and freed her, gave her guidance and a chance, I let go of the one I loved and watched her soar high into the sunset. If she returns one day, I'm never letting go for I know then it was meant to be us. But until then,

                            she's searching for love and happiness with him.

For I wish him the best of luck with her, for she may not be perfect to him; but I love to see her mistakes because I know she tries and we're humans we make mistakes because we're not meant to be perfect.